"I ken it. Ye never would have let him seduce ye if ye didnae. Nay, ye would have left him a piece or two short and his cars ringing with curses."
"Wheesht, I dinnae think I was quite that bad." She sighed. "I am just so confused. When I got to Clachthrom and found out he didnae e'en remember me, weel, that hurt. Then I decided to accept that and start all over. All that time that he had no memory of me, I tried to get him to care for me as I ken he used to. It didnae work, nay verraweel."
"Ah." Liam nodded. "Then he gets his memory back and all is weel, except that ye remember several months where naught ye could do would make him care."
Ilsa blinked and stared at her cousin. "I think that might be it. I also think I am a coward."
"Weel, in matters of the heart a great many of us are cowards. Love and all that can leave a deep wound and it cannae be stitched. I think the bleeding can last for many a year."
"Mayhap for the rest of your life," she whispered then shook her head. "I went from being his lover and someone he cared about, to being a liar and mayhap a killer, to just being mayhap a liar, and suddenly back to being his wife and someone he may care about."
"And thus a verra great confusion."
"Exactly. When he left for Dubheidland to find out the truth, he was at the point where he thought I might be lying just a wee bit. Then he returns, our enemy is defeated, and suddenly he is like the Diarmot I kenned a year ago. I just need time to think about it all."
"Aye, ye do. I wouldnae take too long to think and think hard, though."
"Ye think Sigimor will make me go back?"
"Och, nay, for all he may start growling about wives and the rules they ought to follow." Liam exchanged a grin with Ilsa. "Nay, love, I think your husband will be coming after ye."
Ilsa was not so sure about that. Diarmot was a proud man and she had just left him without a word. He would have to explain her absence to everyone. That was not going to make him very happy.
To her relief, nothing more was said. She rode home to Dubheidland with her brothers and Liam and it was just as it always used to be. It was also not the same, she realized. No matter how hard she tried to put him from her mind for the length of the journey home, she kept thinking about Diarmol. By the time she reached her little cottage, she was tired of thinking of the man.
"So, here ye are, lass," said Sigimor as he set her bag down in the cottage.
"Just as ye left it. I will send some lads down here with some food and ale."
"Thank ye, Sigimor," she said as she let Gay take Cearnach so that she could slip away and feed the twins.
"I ken Liam said I should just leave it be, but--" he sighed and dragged a hand through his hair.
"Just say it, Sigimor. I think whatever it is ye are thinking has probably been gnawing away at ye for the whole ride here."
"He is a good mon, Ilsa."
"I ken it."
"I think ye could have a verra good marriage and all those bairns love ye."
She winced. It was hard not to think about how her leaving might have hurt the children. Even telling herself that it was best for them if she could rid herself of the mass of tangled emotions within her did not ease her guilt by much.
"Weel, that is it," he said and kissed her on the cheek. "Ye do your thinking then. Just remember that ye have a good mon for a husband and six wee bairns that love ye. I ken ye think I am nay being fair by mentioning them, but I dinnae think ye can make any decision without considering them."
"Nay, ye are right. I cannae."
"Think hard and fast, lass."
"Hard and fast? Why?"
"Because I am expecting your mon to come after ye e'en if ye arenae."
Ilsa cursed as he left. She had come to the cottage for peace and time to think. If Liam and Sigimor were right, she was not going to be given much of either.
"Weel, ye took your time in coming here," said Sigimor as, three days later, Diarmot strode into the great hall of Dubheidland, Nanty and Odo by his side.
"I wasnae planning to make a journey," said Diarmot as he sat down, set Odo down on the seat next to him, and helped himself to a tankard of ale. "There were a few things which needed to be done ere I could leave." He smiled his thanks at a young boy who poured Odo a tankard of goat's milk before sitting down next to the boy. "And ye are?"
"Fergus the last," the boy replied and grinned. "Have ye come to take that stubborn, senseless sister of ours back home to Clachthrom?"
Diarmot looked at Sigimor. "Been ranting about her, have ye?"
"And ye havenae?"
"I think he has," said Odo, "but he mumbles a lot and I cannae understand what he is saying. Glenda said that was probably a good thing as most of it was probably cursing."
"Aye," agreed Sigimor. "And why have ye come, lad?"