At least I did not swoon, she thought with a twinge of self-disgust. Although it had been a close thing, she admitted reluctantly. Claud had kissed her and made love to her, but she now considered there was the very good chance that Claud had simply been dutifully mating with her. Claud had never once caused her to experience such tumultuous feelings. Most of the time she had just wished Claud would hurry and get it over with, or stop. That had certainly not been what she had been wishing while she had been kissing Sir Brian.
And that was really what had terrified her, she thought, and finally accepted that harsh truth. She was a coward. It was quite possible that Sir Brian’s kiss had stirred that passion her married kinswomen all sighed over and she had always thought she wanted. And what had she done when finally given a taste of what she had craved? Run from it. Arianna was not sure what she could do about that or if she should do anything at all.
“I think this will be a good place to rest for a wee while.”
Brian’s deep voice shattered her thoughts and Arianna looked around. They were in a beautiful spot near a swiftly running burn. Wild violets covered the banks of the burn and she could see bluebells winding through the trees.
“Despite all the troubles I still face, it gladdens my heart beyond words to be back here,” she said as she dismounted.
“I have heard that France is beautiful,” Brian said as he also dismounted and moved to stand beside her. “I suspicion your husband’s lands were beautiful and probably verra fertile.”
“Aye, they were, but they were nay like Scotland.” She knelt down on the bank and inhaled the gentle scent of the violets. “I think I missed the land as much as I missed my family.”
He grabbed some oatcakes and cheese from his pack, handing her some as he sat down next to her. He looked over the land as he ate, thinking it a particularly pretty spot, and knew he would miss Scotland if he had to leave it. Harsh in as many places as it was soft and peaceful, the weather temperamental, and the living often hard, it was still home. It was in his blood. He suspected it was in Arianna’s as well.
“They didnae let ye come home at least once during the time ye were there?” he asked.
“Claud occasionally promised he would take me home to visit, but I soon saw that it was said mostly to quiet me,” she replied. “I dinnae think he e’er wanted to come here. He e’en called this land barbaric when he thought I couldnae hear him. So did his family. And thus I was the wee barbarian they were forced to endure for the sake of the family’s fortunes.”
There was the hint of bitterness behind her words but he was surprised there was not more. Everything she told him about Claud and his family revealed that she had never been accepted, and she had endured that for years. She was due a hearty bout of bitterness. She had not only lost her family when she had been sent to France, but had been given nothing to take the place of them.
“I also think,” she continued, “that, once I had learned of his mistress, they all feared that, if I went home, I wouldnae return.” She shrugged. “I probably wouldnae have and they would have been humiliated by that.”
Brian cursed under his breath. “They ne’er gave a thought to what that fool did to ye, did they? Ne’er once cared how ye suffered.”
Arianna looked at him with surprise, his anger clear to hear in his voice. “Nay, I was but the wife and wives must endure, must they not?”
“The wives my kinsmen have taken would do the fools a sore injury if they did to them as Claud did to ye. Aye, and the family would have been sent running to the hills if they tried to make either of those lasses take all the blame for their son’s betrayal of them.”
She grinned. “Aye, that is how most of my kinswomen would behave.” She suddenly frowned. “’Tis verra odd that none of my family came for me as I did write to them of what I was suffering. What Claud did should have enraged my kin.” It was hard to understand that, to find a reason that would ease the pain she felt at their apparent desertion of her.
“Oh? And tell me, did ye hand that missive to one of your husband’s people to have it sent on to your family?” He nodded when her eyes grew wide and she paled. “I suspicion those letters ye wrote were read ere they were sent on and any that spoke of the wrongs done to you were probably tossed straight into the fire.” Brian clenched his hands into fists as he fought the urge to take her into his arms to soothe the grief and pain he could read on her face. “Ye had a large dowry, did ye?”
“’Twas rich enough and they were in sore need of it for they lived too weel.”