And the bullet wound – he knew exactly what it was because he’d had enough of them himself. It wasn’t that old. The coloring was similar to the scars on his hip...
Kane’s mind flew back to that night in the jungle. They’d been running away from the clearing. Well, he’d been running, half-dragging her away. Then she’d gone weightless right before the shot rang out and his hip exploded in fiery pain...
He closed his eyes, forcing himself to see her as she was that night, recalling the mental images frame by frame. Yes, she’d been covered in blood, but it was not unexpected; he had slit the throat of the bastard who meant to harm her. And her side had been dark and sticky as well, but that had been his blood, hadn’t it? She had stubbornly refused to leave him, forcing him to get to his feet and move, offering herself as his crutch.
His eyes flew open, luminous lasers of blue that cut right through her flesh and seared her heart.
“Jesus Fucking Christ,” he said, realization dawning. “You took a bullet for me, didn’t you?”
He looked into her face and saw the awful truth. She must have seen the gunman, had thrown herself against his back. But the bullet had gone right through her and into him. He had faltered; she took his gun and eliminated the threat, despite the fact that she’d been shot, too. And she had said nothing.
In stark detail his mind replayed the soundtrack of the subsequent events – the swish of leaves as they cut through the brush, the sound of intermittent gunfire sometimes near, sometimes far. Occasional shouts. And the soft feminine grunts he thought had been caused solely by his substantial weight upon her shoulders. Her fucking wounded shoulders.
“You killed three men to save me,” she said quietly. “You could have left me there and escaped, but you didn’t.”
Kane felt as though something was going to explode within him. When he spoke, it was through his clenched teeth. “That’s what I do, Rebecca. Hell, I am trained to kill, and getting shot is just part of the job. I wasn’t there for humanitarian reasons. I wasn’t there to save you.”
Her eyes got bigger, her bottom lip trembled at the barely controlled rage in his voice. He knew he was scaring her, but it was taking everything he had to contain the absolute, all-consuming rage rising up within him.
“But you did save me, Kane. And if you hadn’t, I would have met the same fate as the Sisters. How could I leave you when you had done that for me? I never would have been able to live with myself.”
Nausea roiled deep in his gut. He wanted to shake her. To make her see that she was more important than he would ever be. To demand that she never, ever risk her life for anyone ever again, especially him.
She stood before him, naked and vulnerable, looking at him with those big, soft brown eyes that threatened to completely annihilate him. When she looked at him like that, he forgot who he was, what he was. They offered absolution, redemption, and salvation. And he didn’t deserve – or want - any of it.
Kane’s lip curled up in a cruel snarl. “I would have survived with or without you, Rebecca. It is what I do. Risking your life for mine was both foolish and unnecessary.”
He would swear later when he looked back on that moment some of the light faded from her eyes.
But in that moment, Kane knew two things with certainty. First, that she believed she was in love with him. Maybe it was because he had saved her life, maybe not. Whether she really was in love with him or not was irrelevant, because of the second thing he knew with equal surety: that he could not have her, no matter how much he wanted her. Not now, not ever.
Because once he took her, he would never let her go.
She would no longer have the luxury of choice. He would strip that from her, along with everything else that might threaten her safety again. He would possess her fully; she would belong to him and him alone. The sacrifice she’d made in the jungle would be nothing compared to the one she’d have to make if he accepted her into his arms. He was a hair’s breadth from saying ‘fuck it all’ and taking her anyway, but amazingly, there was still some sliver of decency left in him that refused to take advantage of her.
He summoned The Iceman to the surface, allowing it to rise within him, closing him off, giving him the ability to do what must be done. The words came out without emotion, without feeling. His heart was shutting down against the incredible pain ripping through it. Thankfully, his mind had a little bit left, though it, too, seemed to be numbing with each passing tick of the clock.
“It was a mistake to bring you here. It’s time for you to go, Rebecca. Pack your things.”
Kane released her roughly, ignoring her startled gasp. Without another word he turned and walked away, leaving her alone, cold and exposed. It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.
Chapter Twelve