“They liked you from the beginning.”
She smiled finally and stood up. “I liked them, too. But we were so raw and new to each other, I just wanted to fit in.”
He moved in close to her, wanting to savor every inch of her smile. “So you didn’t think Gabe was Mr. Studly?”
“Oh, from a distance, he was a total alpha-male-god-babe-magnet.”
Scott felt a smile tugging at his mouth. “Up close?”
“He struck me as a bit of a jerk.”
She moved in, too, and laid a hand on his cheek. “I’m not saying I really disliked him. He was funny and really good at telling stories. You loved him and he loved you. I get that now. Growing up with a sister, I didn’t have any experience with how brothers show love. All that testosterone-filled competition. But being a SEAL was Gabe’s only definition of a life worth living. It was clear you worshiped him and he loved being worshiped. I was just immune. I’d been with you.”
Scott didn’t answer that, didn’t have the words to explain how it made him feel, like the sun was shining on him from the inside.
He reached for her, half expecting to be stopped. Instead her hand landed on his chest as she reached up on tiptoe to meet his kiss.
It was the most tender moment they had ever shared. It felt good, yet new, as if they had totally missed out on some ways of being together and had not realized it until this very second.
When they were done, she broke away from him and moved back to the window where Hugo sat watching them. “Why did you shut me out?”
“I saw my father’s face the day the navy brought the news about Gabe. The golden son, the one he bragged about to everyone, was gone. It was as if the light had been turned off in my parents’ world. I knew the day of the memorial service that I needed to stop being a selfish prick. I’d been so happy in my own little world.” He slanted a glance at her. “It was my turn to step up. That’s why I applied to go U/C. I wanted to do something that would make my dad proud, even if he couldn’t talk about it at the time I was doing it.”
“You could have told me. You just came home one day and it was a fact.”
“I was a dick about it but I didn’t want to be talked out of it. I thought I could fill that hole in my dad’s heart. Pitiful, right?”
She digested this. “What kept you from drinking yourself to death after we broke up?”
He shrugged. “I got tired of wallowing in a ditch, so to speak. First I got up and went to the gym to peel off some of the fat. Then I went to get back the only job I was ever good at, police work.”
“Was it that easy?”
“Hell no. They wouldn’t give me my position back. Said I was too angry. They sent me to anger-fucking-management class.” He cracked a smile. “Joke, maybe?”
Her smile flickered. “But not the class.”
“No, the class was real. Dave Wilson, who had been my first partner, and then my handler undercover, helped get me back on my feet. When I had done that, he said I would be wasted on patrol or God forbid behind a desk. He recommended me to the DEA. I had experience as a narc and at the time they needed a K-9 officer. I went to sign up. I said yes because I get to be in on SWAT team take-downs but I also work solo with Izzy.”
“Best of all worlds.”
“Professionally, yes.”
He stopped before her and, reaching out, pulled her in against him. He touched her face, tracing her features with his fingers as if he had never really seen them before. The wonder of her being here, in his arms, with him rocked his world. She had taken it all in, every bitter sad bit of his anguished, angry, humiliating confession. And she hadn’t turned away in scorn or disgust. No, she was looking at him as if he was possibly the best man she’d ever known. He knew it wasn’t true. But he wanted to be that man, this time. For her.
“I know I’m the worst thing that ever happened to you.” He traced a finger down her lips. “But you are absolutely the best thing that ever happened or will ever happen to me.”
She shook her head. “You aren’t the worst, Scott. Walking out on our marriage was the worst. And I did that.”
“You had cause.”
“I certainly thought so.” The sadness in her gaze added weight to his guilt.
“We can’t get back what we lost. I know that. I’m not asking for that. Only…” He let the thought trail as his hand came back up to cup her face.
He leaned his body into hers until their lips met. The kiss was so tender tears pushed in behind Cole’s closed lids.
When he lifted his head she scooped a hand behind his head to hold him close. “Maybe we don’t need to go back. Maybe we can just go on.”
“Seriously?”
Cole had never seen hope in Scott’s face before. The wonder of it nearly stopped her heart. Suddenly she was afraid. She was promising, no, they were both promising each other huge things. It was more momentous than the first mad rave of love that consumed them body and soul. They now knew the risks.