“Yeah,” I said, inching closer to her. I stared into her eyes, trying my damnedest to figure out what was going on in her head.
“You’re right I completely set you up tonight. I wasn’t so sure you would spend Christmas with me and mom and that hurt. I haven’t seen you in so long and for you to be so distant to us, well, it sucks Anthony. After dad left us, you would tell me we only had one another, that, I could count on you and you’d always be there for me. I stopped counting on you a long time ago.”
“Lauren…” I interrupted. I didn’t like where she was going with this not because what she was saying was untrue but having the truth thrown in your face sometimes hurts like a motherfucker.
“No, listen to me. I stopped counting on you because somewhere along the way you stopped being you. Sure, you are familiar and every once in a while I see a glimpse of my brother but you are just a phantom. You gave up on yourself and the man you should’ve been to be someone I’m almost positive you don’t even like half the time.”
I tried to pull my hand away from hers, my defenses going up, but she persistently held on. “I love you Anthony and I want my brother back,” she glanced towards the living room. “I’d bet my life that all the women in your life want the same thing,” she continued, referencing my mother and Adrianna. Lauren cocked her head to the side, staring at me before her lips curved into a smile. “I didn’t buy you a Christmas gift.”
I laughed slightly and glanced down at our hands.
“But I’m going to give you the best gift you ever received,” she tilted my chin upward with her index finger so that my eyes met hers. “I’m going to give you solid advice and it’s up to you to accept my gift.”
“You really did grow up, huh?” I asked softly. I realized that I had missed her transition from the young girl I helped my mother raise to the well-rounded woman sitting in front of me.
“Crazy, I know,” she rolled her eyes before settling them back on me. “You wasted three years of your life in prison for something you didn’t even do,” she said, her voice full of remorse, which made me wonder, how me being locked up had affected her. I never bothered to think about that until this very moment. I started to believe that my sister was right all this time. I had been bitter over what I had lost but never thought about what the people around me felt. Even with Adrianna I had been selfish enough to ignore what she was feeling when I went away. I told myself I was protecting her; but the truth was I didn’t give much thought to how she felt. Instead, I pummeled her feelings with my need to push her away so I wouldn’t feel so guilty for ruining her life.
“And then you wasted another year being an asshole,” she said pointedly, causing me to widen my eyes in shock as she assaulted me with the truth.
“So here’s my gift to you…stop being an asshole and get your shit together and for the love of God, go get the girl!” She ended her words with an exasperated huff.
I leaned back in my chair and stared at her for a moment letting her words sink in.
“You’re pretty good at this,” I said.
“Yeah well, I learned from the best, I learned from my brother,” she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my cheek before pulling away. “He always tried to give me the best advice.”
“Hey you kids about ready for dinner?” Our mother asked from the doorway and I turned to my sister and smiled at her.
“Yeah, we’re ready,” I replied as I rose to my feet and tugged on my sister’s ponytail. I walked over to my mother and slung one arm around her shoulders, bending down slightly to kiss the top of her head. “Merry Christmas, Ma.”
Why the fuck was I still here? I must like being tortured because there’s no other way to describe what it’s like watching Anthony playing on the floor under a Christmas tree. Torture. I had barely made it through dinner, sitting across from him feeling his eyes on me as I took turns feeding Luca and myself. It would’ve been rude of me to run the fuck out the door the moment the dishes were clean so I stayed out of respect for Maria.
That was two hours ago.
Two cupcakes later and four glasses of wine, I couldn’t even drive home now if I wanted to, so I poured myself another glass and damned myself, Anthony and Christmas to hell.
“There was something I’ve been trying to tell you guys since dinner but I kept putting it off,” Maria announced as she took a seat beside me on the couch. Oh good, a distraction from the hot piece of ass rolling around the floor with a baby. What was it about men and babies? It was such a turn on I thought as I licked my lips and continued to stare at Anthony.
Anthony sat up, pulling Luca onto his lap and gave his mother his undivided attention. The universe was playing some cruel joke on me by giving me this taste of the family I could’ve had.
“I’m moving,” Maria declared softly. I quickly took a detour and left Fantasy Island, turning around to stare mindlessly at Maria.