Dear Jake,
I don’t even know why I’m writing to you, it’s not like you’ll ever read these letters. It’s not like one day you will find a box of shit I left for you. No, only I get the privilege of sifting through all this crap. I suppose I should thank you for leaving behind all these letters, it’s not like they pour salt in my wounds or anything. Not at all. I especially enjoy the little notes with instructions, yeah, those really warm my heart. It’s great to know you thought of all your loved ones when you were dying. It’s great to know that you knew all along you’d leave me. I guess one of us should’ve been prepared.
I used to have a best friend. I remember him walking into the bar whenever I worked, instantly searching the room for my eyes. I remember seeing him and thinking, there he is, my person. I remember that one night he waited for me outside of my job. I remember jumping onto the back of his bike and him taking me on the ride of my life. The ride I’d never forget. I’ll never forget what it felt like to wrap my arms around your waist and have the wind blow over me as we drove to our spot. I’ll never forget that night. It was a beautiful night between me and my best friend.
My best friend is now called painkillers. These little pills that help me forget the best friend I once had, my best friend who I centered my whole world around. I sometimes think the universe played a cruel joke on me. If I never discovered that somewhere in the fifteen years of our friendship I fell in love with my best friend, if I never admitted that truth, then maybe I’d still have my best friend. If we would’ve never tried to tempt our luck and explore the love, then maybe, just maybe, you would’ve never gotten sick. Maybe your illness was a product of our love. I wasn’t put on this Earth to be loved and having your love was too much, so it had to be ripped from me, in the cruelest possible way.
So now I’m stuck here until I gather the nerve to end this vicious cycle someone has planned for me. I don’t have a fiancée anymore. Instead of getting married today, I’m writing you a goddamn letter. I’m not even that upset that I’m not primping for a wedding. Maybe that’s because my new best friend is swimming through my blood stream.
I am angry. I am hurt. I am dead, but no one has put me in the ground yet. I miss my best friend. The one I took that ride with. The one I lost.
I hate you.
I love you.
I miss you.
I’m sorry. So sorry I tempted fate.
Love you always and forever,
Cara
Chapter One
Luke Lanza glanced in his rear view mirror as he pulled up in front of Riverdale Elementary and watched his daughter as she looked out of her window.
“Here we are, my lady.” He said as he put the truck in park and twisted in his seat to face her. Ava unsnapped her seatbelt and grabbed her book bag from the seat beside her. She slung it over one shoulder and leaned over the console. She smiled at him with her lopsided toothless grin and eyed him as if she owned him, which he could admit, she did.
“Give me some sugar.” She said pointing her finger towards her cheek.
Luke laughed, his daughter never ceased to amaze him with her wit. He leaned over to shower her cheek with kisses before pointing to his own. She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and kissed his cheek with a smacking sound.
“That’s my girl!” He said before moving his hand to ruffle her hair.
“Dad! Don’t you’ll mess my hair!” She cried exasperated.
Luke held his hands up in the air as if he had just been caught red-handed. “Okay, fine!” He said, surrendering to his seven year old. “Don’t forget, you’re going home with Aunt Sam today, and then I will pick you up after work.”
“Okay, oh and it’s Friday! Pizza night!” She exclaimed reminding him of their weekly ritual.
“It’s a date.” He confirmed with a smile as he watched her open the door. He hesitated for a moment, wanting to get out of the car and help her out, but stopped himself because she claimed it would be too embarrassing. She jumped out of the car and when she landed firmly on her two feet, Luke sighed relieved. “I love you.” He called out before she could shut the door.
“I love you too.” She whispered before slamming the door shut.