At least he and Patrick had taken to each other. To say that they adored one another was an understatement. Ian’s eyes literally glowed with pride when he looked at his son. At the sound of Ian’s voice, Patrick would instantly calm. And, Lexi swore, they actually communicated with each other, simply by staring into the other’s identical blue eyes. It was a little freaky sometimes.
As if sensing her distress, Ian’s eyes opened and he locked right on her. God, she thought, those eyes should be declared lethal weapons. They bore right through you with the precision of a laser, cutting through every defense you constructed.
Concern etched through his features when he spotted the glistening in her eyes. Without another word, she turned and went back to the bedroom, the soft click of the door informing him quite plainly that it was not an invitation.
*
God, he hated this. Every cell in his body screamed to be with her. To hold her. To kiss her. To show her that she and his child were everything in the world to him. But it was so hard, literally. Being within a hundred feet of her gave him the hard-on from hell, and she felt the need to do something about it. He totally got that. Loved that she loved to please him. But it was too one-sided, and he wanted, no – he needed – to pleasure her, too. And he couldn’t.
It ate away at him. No matter how many times she tried to explain that she was okay with having to wait, he’d still end up feeling frustrated and helpless afterward. No matter how many times she tried to tell him that it gave her great satisfaction to care for him, that it was another way of loving him, he just couldn’t accept it.
He’d seen the hurt in her eyes, wished to God he hadn’t been the one to put it there. But just being close to her was driving him insane. Feeling her breasts pressing against him. Her soft, sweet breath across his skin. Those soft little sighs she made in her sleep – it was more than he could bear.
He swore he would never, ever lose control around her again, but goddamn it, she made that difficult. Images of what she had looked like in that hospital bed, bruised and battered, appeared in his head, made his belly sick with disgust. He had done that to her. And God help him, some sick part of him wanted to do it again.
Not to hurt her, no; he never wanted to hurt her. But he did crave to be with her again in that fiery, unbridled way, where everything else ceased to exist. To be inside her, feel her hot, tight sheath loving him; to feel her legs wrapped around his hips as he drove into her over and over again, marking her, filling her until she couldn’t even remember her own name.
But to do so was to risk her life. And he would never, ever do that again.
These were the demons he faced, and Lexi simply didn’t understand that every time she took him in her mouth, every time she stroked him into ecstasy, his hunger, his need for her grew. Now it was so strong, it scared the shit out of him. He knew Lexi was waiting for her next doctor’s appointment, waiting to get the green light for sex, but secretly he was dreading it. Because inwardly, he was terrified that he’d hurt her again.
Yes, it was hard to see the hurt and confusion on her face caused by his rejection. It cut him up inside like a thousand little knives. But it was better than looking down at her battered body, worried that each breath she took might be her last.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ian heard the shower going on and off. Heard the soft sounds of drawers opening and closing. The gentle hum of the breast pump. He frowned. Patrick would be up soon and ravenous as always. That kid was a Callaghan through and through, eating enough for a couple of kids. Why would she –
The light chime of the door bell sounded, deepening his frown.
“Aidan,” Ian greeted, stepping aside to let the other man in. “Wasn’t expecting you, man.”
A puzzled look crossed over Aidan’s face, but he covered it quickly. “How’s the Prince today?”
It was a little joke they shared, the nickname given to Patrick at the hospital by the doting nurses since he’d been treated royally from the moment his existence became known.
“He’s good,” Ian said, shifting him slightly. The boy, now awake, reached toward Aidan. Aidan gave him his finger and a huge grin.
“You know, it’s just scary how he looks at you like that,” Aidan said as Patrick focused on him. “Like he’s already got it all figured out.”
“Yeah, that’s what Lex says, too. Why are you -”
Lexi made her appearance at the moment, looking fresh and lovely in a pretty aqua sweater, black skirt, and sandals. Her hair was brushed to shining, forming soft waves that curled in toward her body. She wore just a hint of makeup, but it was enough to take his breath away.
“Hey, Aidan,” she greeted when she spotted him at the door. “What are you doing here? I called for Fritz.”
The other man nodded. “I know. Fritz is off today, his wife’s home in bed with the flu, so I’ll be your ride.”
“Oh, that’s too bad,” Lexi said with genuine concern in her voice. “I’ll make her some soup later.”
“I’m sure she’d like that.”
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