First and Only (Callaghan Brothers #2)

He didn’t know how he was going to find the strength to resist his baser urges, though. The pregnancy had given her more curves than a mountain road. Denying himself the pleasure of that would be the ultimate test of his resolve. That, and the unspoken challenge in her eyes.

Never take your eyes off the enemy. That was a mantra drilled into every soldier’s head from day one, one that Ian was reminded of earlier in the shower. He had turned away for a second, one second, and she’d managed to annihilate every one of his defenses until the only thing he could do was hold on for dear life. He hadn’t had the heart nor the will to push her away, not when she looked up at him with those big amber eyes that managed to convey, without words, just how much she loved and wanted him.

He was awed by it. But as glorious as it had been, he couldn’t let it happen again.

*

Lexi‘s heart swelled as she took in the scene before her. Ian was sprawled out on the recliner, eyes closed, chest rising in a steady, easy rhythm. Patrick lay across his chest in almost the exact same position, the child’s back to his father’s front, Ian’s large hand protectively holding him in place. Both heads were tilted slightly but at exactly the same inclination, two sets of legs identically extended.

It was how she had come to find them each morning as of late, things settling into a familiar pattern. After the second feeding of the night, Patrick was usually not interested in going back to sleep right away. Ian would take him into the other room, allowing her to rest for a little while longer. It was a nice thought, and very considerate, really. But she would have much preferred Ian’s body next to hers on the bed over a few more Z’s, especially considering that once he left, she found it impossible to rest anyway.

Her need for him, her dependence upon him continued to grow. Every day with him only ingrained him that much more in her heart and soul, and she worried about what the future would bring.

They hadn’t discussed it, and that was part of the problem. A lot depended on the results of her next checkup, for that would be when they would decide the next course of action. So far they’d just been taking things one day at a time, avoiding the subject.

Despite Ian’s presence over the last couple of weeks, his life was back in Pine Ridge; that was clear, even though he didn’t come right out and say it. His family was there. His friends. His jobs – both the legitimate and covert – were based in the sleepy little Northeast town as well. Until recently, she would have said hers was here in Benton, with her job, her doctors, Aidan. But Ian’s presence was changing that, and she was coming to realize that where she really wanted to be was wherever Ian was.

Except as time went on, he was putting more distance between them, finding more ways to avoid being close to her, especially at night. She frowned at the pillow and blanket on the couch. For the last two weeks, Ian had been slipping out of her bed the moment he believed she’d fallen asleep. At first he’d stayed with her at night, curling his warm body around hers. He’d kept his sweats on to reduce temptation, but she’d understood, believing it to be a temporary thing until her post-birth recovery was complete.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t turning out that way.

Granted, she had made it difficult for him, especially in the beginning. Reaching for him in the middle of the night, slipping her hand beneath his waistband, loving the heavy feel of him in her hand. If she was lucky, he’d let her stroke him, sometimes even guiding her. Once she’d gotten really lucky, and had managed to get her mouth on him, but it was only once. And each time, just like that first time in the shower, he’d withdrawn almost immediately afterward, finding some excuse to avoid any further intimate contact. Now, he had progressed to double-knotting the drawstring of his pants, ensuring that he woke up before she managed to get too far.

And didn’t that just make her feel pathetic.

So she’d taken the hint, keeping her hands above the waist in an attempt to make him feel more comfortable. But if anything, it seemed to make things worse. If she snuggled up to his back or placed her hand on his arm, his body tensed and she would back off, feeling each rejection more keenly than the last. Then, he started disappearing before she had any chance at all, using her exhaustion against her.

It was strange, really. She felt more alone now than she had before he had arrived. So far she’d been able to hold her tongue, but having him so close and yet so far away was taking its toll. Her appetite was nearly non-existent, and the only sleep she managed were little catnaps here and there.