“Or maybe I can just borrow yours,” I told her tightly. “We both know you are just ornamental. The masters would never be daft enough to give an apprenticeship to a convent girl like you.”
One of her friends laughed unexpectedly, only to quickly cover it up with a cough as Priscilla glared at both of us.
“For a commoner you certainly think highly of yourself. Don’t get any delusions, Ryiah. You are nowhere close to the prince and me. Sir Piers may have believed in you once, but that was before mid-year. You’d be a fool to still think you had a chance now.”
Her words had a truth that bled, and I was momentarily tempted to tell her what her precious prince had done. She already hated me, so what was stopping me?
Don’t be a fool, Ryiah. You know perfectly well that would be a mistake. Alex always tells you to control your temper. Right now is that time.
Rather than continue the unpleasant exchange, I headed to the baths to soak away the bitterness and frustration that were threatening to take over.
By the time I had returned, Priscilla and her friends were long gone, leaving me alone to the silence of an empty barracks.
Good. The last thing I needed was more time alone with that witch.
Everyone else was still out, studying, dining, or enjoying one last night of freedom with friends. I should have been doing the same, but I wasn’t ready to face the interrogation that would undoubtedly follow from my brother, from Ella, from myself.
I didn’t know how to feel about what had transpired in that dark hallway, and until I knew, it was best to keep the secret untold.
I’d been kissed before. Many times, actually.
In Demsh’aa there had been a boy…but there had been no spark, no sense of worlds colliding when his lips had brushed up against mine.
Darren’s kiss tonight had been everything Jason’s had lacked.
It had made my legs weak, my lungs burst.
It had been an assault of everything wrong and right, right and wrong, wrong and right.
I’d seen fire when he touched me, and he had made me want to burn.
Jason had held me gently, as if I was a doll he hadn’t wanted to break. Darren had grabbed me—roughly, impulsively—like he couldn’t stop if he wanted to. He hadn’t asked permission. He’d taken it, and for some inexplicable reason I had let him.
And then I had kissed him back.
The mere fact that I had liked Darren’s kiss was upsetting enough. That my body had betrayed me and acted on its own accord was unfathomable.
There were a thousand reasons why kissing the non-heir, or letting him kiss me, was a mistake. He was a prince. He was fickle. He was rude. He was arrogant. I knew better. I was lowborn. He was wrong.
I didn’t even like him.
And what about Priscilla? Most everyone in the Academy, including myself, assumed she and the prince were set to be betrothed and that it was only a matter of time before the engagement was announced.
What was Darren thinking now?
Did he think he’d made a mistake?
Was I just another conquest he had hoped to win over a lonely night?
Had he been testing me?
I’d seen the look in his eyes when he had realized I was kissing him back: shock.
What if the kiss was a joke? A horrible, cruel, sadistic joke?
I slammed my fist into my pillow. Blast the prince for being so unreadable. I never knew when to take him at his word, let alone his actions.
Don’t trust them, and you can’t get hurt. That was what Ella had told me that day after she saw me arguing with Priscilla and Darren. She’d never told me what had happened back at court, and now I was unable to think of anything else.
It doesn’t matter what Darren meant by it, I told myself after an hour of restless turning, you are here for one reason. That reason is not him. You are here for your magic, and that alone. So get some sleep.
The next morning I woke up with dark lines under my eyes. Much to my dismay, I had barely slept. I’d continued to relive that kiss and its sequential doubt all night long. The only time I had slept I’d been back to my familiar nightmare on the hill, losing the mid-year duel to Priscilla for all the world to see.
It was by far the worst night’s sleep I’d ever received.
“You look like death,” Ella greeted me as I opened my eyes.
“Thanks,” I told her dryly.
“I would have thought you’d be the most rested, considering you went to bed just as the sun was setting,” Ruth pointed out from the bed next to us.
I glanced at the two of them. “Is there something you want to ask me?
“Just making an observation,” Ruth said shrugging.
We headed out to the dining hall to meet up with the rest of our group. As I piled my bowl high with porridge, I tried to avoid looking across the room to see how the non-heir was faring across the way.
“I hope you tell me what’s bothering you,” Ella whispered as I passed her the jam.
“There’s nothing bothering me,” I said quietly.
Alex shot me a raised brow. My brother didn’t believe me either.
“You two can pester me all you like—”