“Where?” I say, desperately needing a hug, even from one of the world’s most awkward huggers.
“Right here,” he says, patting his chest twice before pulling me down beside him, wrapping both arms around me.
“I’m so sad,” I say, as it occurs to me that we are lying together exactly the way Will found us all those years ago—and that nothing has really changed since that night.
“I know,” Gabe says, his breath warm in my hair. “But you need to forgive yourself. It’s time, Jo.”
“But what if my family doesn’t forgive me?”
“They will.”
“But what if they don’t?” I say, thinking specifically of my sister.
“Well, then…I’ll be your family.”
“You mean my baby daddy?” I ask, smiling, only partly kidding.
“Yeah, that, too,” he says with a little laugh.
“Are you really serious about that?” I ask. “Would you really do that for me?”
“Of course I would, Josie….I’d do anything for you,” he says.
I try to thank him, and tell him that I feel the same, but can’t get out the words, too overwhelmed with gratitude. Besides, I know he doesn’t expect a reply, that he’s simply stating a fact I already know. Instead, I close my eyes and let myself drift off in his arms, doing my best to memorize the moment I will one day tell my son or daughter about….That was the moment I made my decision. The moment I picked your father. The moment I knew.
chapter twenty-six
MEREDITH
Four days, two off-Broadway plays, one musical, and endless hours of wandering the city later, I can’t tell if I’m feeling a little better or much worse. I decide it’s closer to the latter when I get a call from Josie, gushing about how cute Harper looked in her butterfly costume. “Did you get my photos?”
“Yes. Didn’t I thank you?” I say, knowing that I did.
“Yes,” she says. “You did.”
“I’m really glad you stopped over to see her…because of course Nolan only took one shot. And it was dark and blurry.”
She laughs and says, “Typical guy.”
I murmur my agreement, and a long pause ensues before Josie brings up her visit to the cemetery.
“Yeah. I heard y’all went,” I say, tensing. “How was it?”
“It was nice,” she says. “Difficult, but nice…I feel a little better.”
“Well…good. Great…Does Mom know you went?” I ask, feeling certain that the answer is no.
“I don’t think so….Unless Nolan told her…I haven’t mentioned it to her yet.”
“Well, maybe you should tell her? You know—since she’s been wanting you to go for years,” I say.
“Yeah. I know. I will,” she says. “I actually need to talk to both of you….”
“Oh?” I say. “About?”
“About…some things,” she says. “When are you coming home?”
I lean back on Ellen’s sofa and stare at a large water mark on the ceiling as I tell her I don’t know.
“Soon?” she presses.
“I don’t know,” I say again, irritation creeping into my voice.
A long silence follows, but I am determined to outlast my sister. “Are you coming home?” she finally asks.
“Now, why would you ask that?” I bark, enraged by her insinuation that I would abandon my child.
“God. Sorry,” she says. “I didn’t mean to offend you….I’m just worried…about you and Nolan. And Harper.”
“Well, don’t be,” I say. “You have your hands full with your own life.”
I know my response is over-the-top bitchy, and I brace myself for a brawl, or at the very least, one of her signature hang-ups, but Josie floors me by taking the high ground.
“You’re right, Mere. I do,” she says. “But I’m really trying here.”
“Trying to do what, exactly?” I snap.
“Trying to get it together…and I just really, really want to see you in person. If you’re not coming home, do you think I could come up there?”
I shake my head and roll my eyes, getting the sudden feeling that Josie is using my crisis to justify a trip to New York and score a free place to stay. “Is it really that urgent?”
“Yes, Mere,” she says. “It kind of is, actually.”
I sigh, telling myself not to fall into Mom’s trap and start worrying that it’s something dire or health-related. “Can you at least tell me the topic?” I ask, betting that it involves Will, or her sperm donor guy and their half-assed birth plan, or maybe even some other new guy, Josie never going very long before some new male character emerges in her life.
A long pause follows—so long that I think we’ve been cut off. “Are you still there?” I say.
“Yes,” she says. “I’m here.”
“Okay? Well? What’s the topic?” I ask again.