Despite the punishing workout, my dick was still hard two hours later. The hot water and soap sluicing over my body did a good job of washing away the sweat easily enough. I wish it was as easy to wash away my filthy thoughts about Winter. Pretty much impossible now with my father's demands slung around my neck like an anchor. I closed my eyes, but all I could see was her beautiful face smiling at me in that quiet way she had perfected. So fucking sexy how she looked at me. And so undeserving.
I had, on more than one occasion, wondered if she felt anything similar for me. But I really didn't know. As much as I would have loved it, I knew I couldn't risk finding out. It would be cruel...for both of us.
Because I knew some of what happened to her last year. I only knew because Caleb had asked me to prepare the restraining order on her ex—a miserable excuse for a human who deserved far worse than what he'd got. Christopher Shelton was pond scum. He'd abused Winter. So, he was lucky to be breathing after what he'd done, in my opinion.
When JW Blackstone had been in the final months of his life, Shelton thought he'd secure himself an heiress the simple way—by marriage. According to Caleb, Shelton became very controlling of Winter in the time leading up to her dad's death, dropping hints that they were about to be engaged, while at the same time far too inquisitive about the terms of her father's will. He even approached me at one point for details, because he knew I would be handling the probate when the time came. I told him to back off. And when the whisperings of Shelton's "plan" to marry into Blackstone wealth via Winter made its way back to her? She dumped his fortune-hunting ass and sent him packing.
She broke up with him, and that should have been the end of it. But Shelton grossly overstepped himself, abducting Winter from her father's funeral under the guise of getting her out of town for a few days to process her great loss. He did it at a time when the whole family was deeply grieving and understandably distracted. Caleb told me Shelton took her to his parents' cabin in Vermont where he kept her drugged on Ambien for days on end, doing God knows what to coerce her into marrying him. He was too dumb and too greedy to avoid getting caught though. Once her family realized she was missing, running a check on Winter's Amex was all it took to find her. Shelton had been using her credit card to pay for his wife-acquisition adventure. The cocksucker had no brains whatsoever. Caleb gave him a choice: leave Massachusetts and don't ever come back, or face kidnapping charges. Shelton left the state.
Good fucking riddance.
But Shelton certainly left a lot of shit in his wake. I didn't know how much the incident had affected Winter. Was she afraid of intimacy now? Had he hurt her sexually or just emotionally? They had been in a relationship at one time, so I assumed it extended to fucking. Not a pleasant thought to dwell on, but it was there. I didn't know the answers, and I wouldn't ask Caleb. I wasn't sure if he even knew those details. It was the kind of thing you didn't talk about openly unless the person involved brought it up. Winter never had. And I worried how much he had broken her.
All I could do was chew on my theories until she wanted to talk about it with me. Regardless of my suspicions, her first experience with "marriage" had been traumatic.
As had mine.
My father was out of his fucking mind if he thought he could force me into marrying anybody. I wasn't getting married because he told me it would look good for him on the campaign trail.
I also wondered what my sister knew about our father's plotting. I'd broach the subject with her another time, though, because I definitely wasn't up for it tonight. Victoria lived across the hall from me in her own apartment. Her place and mine encompassed the entire twelfth floor. The setup gave us each the privacy of our own space, even though I leased both units. She lived there for now, but once she and Clay tied the knot she wouldn't. It was hard to imagine my little sister married and all grown up. She was young in years, but Vic was an old soul on the inside. Serious and smart and very mature. I had no doubts she would make a success of her marriage just as she did in all other areas of her life. Caleb had nothing but praise for how she managed his executive office. He said she was the best PA he'd ever had, and made it known he'd do whatever she needed to keep her happy and still working for him after she married Clay.
I refused to even think about my own wedding-day-from-hell. Five years hadn't done a lot to stem the bitterness I felt, but I honestly tried my best to keep the whole fucking mess buried in the past where it belonged.
So I thought about something good instead.
Something so beautifully perfect, my cock leapt in my palm as I wrapped my hand around the shaft painfully tight and started stroking up and down. I pictured her lips. Dark pink and fully stretched open for me to take. I imagined what had to be the sweetest lips on the planet wrapped around the crown of my cock while she knelt naked at my feet.
In my wicked vision, Winter allowed me to fuck her pretty little mouth with my rock-hard cock until I was ready to fill it with one spectacular orgasm.
It was her name I called when the jizz started spitting out of the tip, the earthy scent of semen mixing with the hot water and soap as it was washed away, draining into the sewers of the city.
The perfect metaphor of where my head was at whenever I thought of her.
Access to Lurid was done by password, which changed nightly. I had to check in via my online account if I wanted entry. Management discouraged drop-in visits, and for good reason. Responsible people in the D/s scene weren't reactionary. Participation in whatever activities they chose was usually planned in advance, and with great detail. I didn't feel very responsible tonight, but then after what my dad had to say to me earlier today, I figured my membership here was on borrowed time anyway.
Maybe tonight would be the last time I'd ever need the password to gain entry into one of the very few places I could indulge in the expression of my desires without judgment. After Leah, I'd found dominating during sex was something I needed even more than when we'd been together. It was like my wiring had been permanently fused after she left me, and I didn't want to go back to how I'd been before.
Right now, I desperately needed to decompress for an hour or two, so I entered the code for the evening…S-I-L-K…into the keypad, waited for the green light, and turned the handle on the door. I signed in, left my keys and phone with the front desk attendant, and became officially off the grid for a bit. No texts or calls for me until I checked out later. The feeling of freedom was fucking wonderful, if only just for a couple hours. Real life wasn't going anywhere now, was it? It'd be right there waiting for me when I emerged.
Unfortunately.
Looking at the crowd filtering through the main area, I could see it was busier than usual for a weeknight. There were a few familiar faces to nod at before heading to the bar. A two-drink maximum was enforced at all times, because drunk play was a no-no. A clear head was necessary for the safety of everyone involved.
"What can I get you?" Bill asked as I took a seat at the bar.
"Ah, I think a shot of Lag will do me just right, Bill."
"You got it." He poured one for me and assessed my mental state no doubt. Bill Smith was a mountain of a man with enough muscles and tats to make the most badass biker take pause. He could handle himself no problem, but he wasn't an aggressor. He was a problem solver. Big difference. Besides tending bar, he was the security muscle for Lurid whenever he was needed in such a capacity, which was seldom, thank God. I wouldn't come here if the place wasn't quiet. Loud and noisy was never my thing. "Tough day?" Did I mention Bill could read people well?
I couldn't help the scoff that escaped. "You could say that." I took a sip of my drink and kept the rest of my thoughts to myself. If being told by your father that you'll be getting married and making a Hallmark-card-picture-perfect family in order to boost his political ambitions counts, then yeah, my day was shit. "Something unexpected landed on my plate today."