"What if I don't find someone?"
"I suggest you do if you want to be involved with the choice. If you can't manage to find a suitable bride on your own, then one will be found for you. A suitable bride, James. Not one of the whores from the club. Wealth is not as important as an upstanding family background for showing we can relate to solid middle class—"
"Just listen to yourself," I said disgustedly. "How in the hell do you—"
"Know that I can, and I will if you disregard my wishes. I am able to make just about anything happen to suit my needs, and I won't hesitate to follow through if you fail me."
"So you're just taking over my life to serve yourself?" I could hardly wrap my head around this conversation.
"You're thinking too hard, and I am weary of this conversation. I expect some forward movement on this issue by Thanksgiving. Your mother so looks forward to having her children home for the day."
Yeah, and she's the sole reason we go. "That's only three weeks from now."
"Bring your prospective bride to meet us so we can get to know this new daughter who will be mother to my future grandchildren." The smile he gave looked a bit maniacal. "Children, who will enjoy the honor and privilege of visiting their grandfather in the Oval Office someday."
Please, God, don't ever let that happen.
He then returned his attention to whatever document was in front of him and acted as if I wasn't in the room. My father had finished with me for the moment, so I was effectively dismissed.
I didn't remember leaving his office, but once I felt the warmth of the autumn sun seeping through the clouds, I knew I'd made it out somehow.
The fuck did my father think he could control my life in this way?
I stood among the foot traffic moving in both directions around me, and I felt…chilled. Cold with fear and worry. Cold like a winter fury.
Cold like winter.
Winter.
From the moment my father started dictating his sordid plans for me, I knew who I wanted. There was only one person. The only girl it could ever be for me—even though it would be something close to immoral for me to bring her into the shitfuckery that was my life.
It would be wrong…but it would feel so right.
Because Winter Blackstone was my kryptonite. This I knew. One small slip of indulging in my desires to be closer and there would be no turning back. With my father's edict burning a hole in my heart, I was being handed a reason to go there with her.
But I can't.
I was fucked and I knew it. I knew myself, and I knew how hard the struggle would be in resisting the temptation of her. For me, the allure of Winter Blackstone was something with which I was well familiar. Her unaffected beauty, her kind and generous heart, her gentle way of listening and knowing the right thing to say in any situation, made her approachable and easy for people to love.
Love?
Did I love her?
Of course I did. I'd known her since she was a toddler, and she'd become a dear and trusted friend. But, if I was honest…Winter was much more than that for me, and she had been for a long time. She possessed every quality I could want in a wife. In terms of promoting my father's political campaign, she couldn't be more perfect. YOUNG HEIRESS CHOOSES SOCIAL WORK OVER HIGH SOCIETY. The news agencies would eat her up and crown her their darling overnight. Yes, I loved Winter Blackstone, but loving someone and being in love with them were not one in the same. I couldn't say the latter was definitively true. Honestly, I wasn't sure if being in love was something I was even capable of.
You're still fucked because she's off limits.
This was my truth. Because I could never be with Winter the way I wanted to be. I could never have her. Not how I'd dreamed of having her when my innermost fantasies took over within my twisted headspace.
Winter was too good.
She was too sweet.
She was just too perfectly innocent…for the likes of me.
Chapter Two
JAMES
When the number eleven button lit up inside the elevator, my heart sped up. Winter's apartment was on the eleventh floor.
Directly under me.
Now, isn't that a beautiful picture? I tried to block the image of her spread out underneath me while I took my time fucking us both into oblivion.
I'd spent the last six months in torture, because she lived mere feet away from me. Caleb owned the building and could lease an apartment to anyone he chose. So, when Winter wanted to be out on her own, her brother eagerly made it happen. It made sense for siblings to stay close by when they'd just recently lost their father to cancer. I understood perfectly the reasoning behind Winter living here. I just agonized at the reality every time I imagined her naked in the shower or sleeping in her bed. Because I didn't just want to imagine her that way. I wanted to be right there with her. Naked. In bed.
How would I face her the next time I saw her? When all I'd be capable of seeing was the woman I craved above all others, it was a given I'd do or say something moronic, making us both uncomfortable. I was like a teenager around her as it was now. Getting hard at the sight of her—blurting out invitations to have dinner with me—being a fucking idiot. The familiar tightening of my dick reminded me that I could manage an erection just by thinking about her. I'd nearly outed myself a few weeks ago when our foursome for dinner ended up being just the two of us. How I kept from kissing her I would never know.
Fuck. Me. Forever.
Despite my father's directive, I couldn't entertain the idea of Winter in any capacity beyond a close friendship. Her brothers would probably put a hit out on me if I went there with her.
For very different reasons.
Caleb would freak that I was perving on his little sis, and Lucas would know precisely what perversions I wanted with his little sis. She had a third brother, but Wyatt wasn't around enough to be much of a concern.
But Lucas Blackstone knew what I was.
He knew, because he was one too.
Four years back, he'd showed up at Lurid as a new member. The cat was out of the bag for both of us, and marked the end of our anonymity as purveyors of kink. Lucas knew, but his older brother and my best friend, Caleb, did not. There was a hard and fast rule of keeping your mouth shut about other members. And so, as was expected of us, Lucas and I left our secrets right at Lurid where they belonged. I'd still lay odds he'd have a major problem with me touching his little sister though. Sisters were in the no-go zone.
I had a little sister, too. I understood exactly. Victoria was nine years younger than me, and she was getting married next summer. My parents were thrilled for my sister and her fiancé, Clay, and if my father had been a normal person, the pressure to produce grandchildren would've been off me completely. But no, we couldn't possibly have normal where he was concerned. He had to set his sights on the motherfucking White House.
Dear God, please let me be asleep right now and in the middle of a nightmare.
As I made my way into my twelfth-floor apartment, I headed straight for my closet to undress. Two workouts were on my agenda for the night. First, my home gym would have my attention while I pounded out some of the physical stress until my body told me I'd had enough.
Then, I'd make my way to Lurid for an evening workout of a different nature. I'd satisfy that darkness of spirit inside me that fed my emotional soul. It was the only way I could exorcise my demons where Winter was concerned.
The only way.