She was right beside me—and she was waiting.
An ambulance screamed past us in the opposite direction, the shrill siren cutting through the tension with a jolt. Someone somewhere was probably dying on this cold wet night, while I was about to cross boundaries a lifetime in the making with my best friend's little sister.
I turned toward her and put my index finger to her chin. She didn't say a word, just looked at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers that spoke volumes in the silence. She was fucking beautiful with her lips still wet from my kiss. Her lips were going to stay wet from my kisses all night long.
"If at any point you change your mind about this, you need to tell me. Talk to me, and I'll hear you." I'd probably combust if she shut me down now.
It would hurt, but I'd live.
"I…I'm not going to change my mind, but maybe you will." She looked at where our other hands were still entwined. I never wanted to let go of her. Not ever.
"Why would you even say that?"
"I'm just not that—"
She shook her head in frustration as she continued to look at our hands.
"You're just not that…what?" I tipped her chin back up. "I need to see your eyes when you tell me why you think I'd change my mind about being with you." She didn't flinch, but I could tell her confidence was being tested. "I've wanted you for a long time. This is my fantasy moment," I added, trying to lighten the mood. It was the truth. The shocked surprise on her face? So worth it. Yes, beautiful. You are my fantasy.
"James, I'm…I'm not very…sexually experienced," she finally blurted.
She tugged her hand against my hold, which only made me grip tighter. I wouldn't let her pull away from me after that bombshell she'd just dropped. "Okay," I said calmly. "What does 'not sexually experienced' mean for you?" I couldn't quite wrap my head around the idea, and wasn't sure I should even ask, but of course I did, because it was sort of fucking vital that I knew the answer. "Are you trying to say you're a virgin?"
Holy fuck.
"Holy fuck" indeed, even though I couldn't imagine how it was possible. Shelton had hatched a plan to marry her. Surely the two of them had been intimate…
"Not a virgin." She shook her head again, but this time she kept her eyes on me. She was watching for my reaction, wanting to know if her news made a difference to me. It didn't, and I was careful not to show any surprise.
"Elaborate, darling. I need more information," I said as my heart started beating again.
In total relief.
She wasn't a virgin, and that helped. I was already doubting how far I could take her—take whatever the hell this was between us. But I also realized that if she "wasn't very experienced" as she put it, then her expectations would be right in line with that inexperience. Better for me. Better for us. I didn't want to fuck up and ruin what could be my only chance to show her what we could have together. Before she could answer, I rearranged our positions, effectively sitting her across my lap with her back supported by the corner area of the seat where I could see her eyes as we talked.
"Comfortable?"
She nodded slowly, her expression subtly mysterious. It felt like a reward to be able to look at her with no imposed time limit. For once. I don't have to hide anything from her. She can see the full force of how much I adore her. Love…her…
"Good, because I like having you in this position." And wasn't that the motherfucking truth? Having her over my lap felt like heaven.
"Why?" she asked softly.
"Why do I like you in this position?"
She nodded once.
I hesitated, needing to find the right words to answer without outright lying. She definitely wasn't ready to hear about my need for control during sex. Baby steps. Maybe we'd get there, maybe not. Worrying about it was pointless right now though.
"Because I like holding you and knowing you aren't going anywhere, that I've got you," I offered, the truth told the best I could. Telling her about the vision I really wanted to see—her tied to my bed where I could keep her pleasured for as long as I deemed it—wasn't exactly possible, so I focused on other points instead. "In this position, I can see your face right before I kiss you."
Her eyes flared just enough to show me what I wanted to see. Desire. Winter was turned on by my words. So responsive. So sensual. Completely mine.
"And be able to read your emotions if I'm lucky. You are so beautiful across my lap right now. I need to enjoy my view for a moment."
"Me too," she said, settling her head and neck to a comfortable position, probably because being situated directly above my hardening cock was requiring an adjustment on her part. "I love my view." She stared at me, her pretty green eyes studying me as intently as I was studying her.
Every time the word "love" came out of her mouth, my heart zinged me with a jolt that bordered on pain. Jesus, I was so lost already, and all we'd done was some eye-fucking in the back seat of a limo. Time to up the ante, though, because I'd go crazy if I didn't know more. "So, you want to tell me about not being a virgin?" I asked carefully, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.
She blushed, but didn't hedge my question. "Only a few times, and only ever with Chris. He wasn't all about the sex in the beginning and said we should wait until it felt right. Later on, after Dad got sick and our relationship started to suffer, he changed."
HOW the fuck she'd never been with anyone but that moron was a true mystery. "Changed how?"
"He began pressing me for sex all of a sudden, but only at certain times. It took me a minute to figure it out, but I caught on to what he was trying to do."
"Which was?" I asked. Oh, I had a very good idea exactly what that piece of shit was trying to do.
"Hoping to get me pregnant so I would agree to marry him."
Not a surprise, but it made me furious to imagine him attempting to impregnate a grieving girl at a horribly vulnerable time. The cocksucker figured out early on about her trust fund and its requirements for an early release. "Shelton was lucky he didn't get jail time with what he pulled taking you away after your father's funeral. Did he hurt you when he took you to that cabin in Vermont?" If the answer is yes, then his miserable excuse for a life is over.
"Hurt me? No." She shook her head quickly. "We were together at the cabin, which I am sure he thought might get him to his goal, but I'd ditched birth control pills in favor of a Depo shot after my pills were lost a second time." She frowned in annoyance and closed her eyes. "I don't want to talk about him anymore. Chris was just another guy in a long line of guys whose interest in me was financial over personal. The sex was barely memorable and the reason for my inexperience. I've never been with anyone who just wants me for who I am." I should have stepped up a long time ago.
"And who are you?" I asked, curious for her answer.
"Just a girl whose last name is Blackstone…who doesn't want her name to be what matters most to someone." I heard sadness in her answer, and it made me even more determined to get this right with her.
"Open your eyes, beautiful."
They fluttered open, finding mine.
"That's all about to change tonight," I said, bringing a hand between us to settle behind her neck. "I want you, and I'd never try to trap you into marriage with a pregnancy or anything you didn't want. Was done to me and it's fucked up."
"Leah did that to you?"