His chest heaved from exertion, but it was his heart pounding against my back that exposed his anxiety. “Swear to me. I need to hear you say it.”
What I said probably wasn’t what he’d expected to hear, but it was more honest than any oath I could have ever made to him.
I wasn’t ready for the rejection I was so frightened I would receive, but I was sick of running from the only thing I’d ever truly wanted to keep.
I’d decided the night before that I was starting over with my life. I was doing it without fear. And hopefully, I was doing it with him.
“I love you, Flint. I’ll stay for as long as you want me.”
His shoulders immediately relaxed, and his hands loosened their grip. “Forever.”
My eyes began to swim even as a smile crept across my face. Reaching up to my shoulder, I placed my hand on top of his and intertwined our fingers. Then I crossed my arm and did the same with his hand at my hip.
“Then I’m staying forever.”
He exhaled a relieved breath. “I don’t know how to trust you.”
“I think that’s something we’re both gonna have to learn, but I’m willing to try if you are.”
“Even if things get bad, Ash, just talk to me instead of taking off. Don’t assume anything. I’m not always going to say the right thing. I’ll probably fuck up—”
“Flint.” I looked back, interrupting him.
His gorgeous, blue eyes were nervously searching mine.
“Stop talking.” I smiled.
He rested his chin on my shoulder but kept talking. “This whole thing between us is absurd. People don’t fall in love in a month. And they definitely don’t stay in love for three years with no contact. But Jesus Christ, Ash, I love you so fucking much.”
I swallowed hard, trying to lock away the tears that were threatening to escape.
He loves me.
Me.
“Stop talking,” I choked out.
“I do want to get to know each other again. But I need you to know that it won’t change anything. I love you. I always have, Ash. Always.”
The tears finally spilled from my eyes, but my smile stretched wider.
Always.
“Stop talking,” I repeated through my tears.
He sighed contently. “Did I hurt you?” he asked as he softened inside me.
I knew he was talking about sex, but starting over meant full disclosure. “Yes. When I was sixteen, you broke my heart and said some shitty things that made me doubt who I was as a person. For years, I tried to figure out how to be someone you could be proud of, but ultimately, I just learned to hate part of myself.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Flint, this is who I am. I may be crazy and quirky, but I’m a good person. And that’s something I’m proud of. I can’t worry about what you think anymore.”
“What I think? I think you’re an amazing person who deserves more than I will ever be able to give you. But, dammit, I’m going to try anyway. That shit I spouted before you left was about me and my issues. Never you. If you’ll just stay with me, I’ll spend a lifetime proving that to you. Ash, I’m so fucking sorry.”
He reluctantly released me as I stood up. I didn’t go far though. Spinning to face him, I climbed back onto his lap, locking my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.
“It’s okay. I forgive you.” I kissed him then whispered, “I may have overreacted. I mean, who runs away for three years?” I winked, and a small smile quirked the side of his mouth. “I’m sorry about this morning too. I wanted to look nice for our fresh, new start as a couple. No one’s really worried about where I was before. I didn’t even think about letting you know where I was going.”
He nodded, chastely touching his lips to mine before leaning away to catch my eyes. “Why’d you take my book? That’s what freaked me out the most.”
I laughed. “First off, it’s my book, not yours. I stole that fair and square before I reformed my ways.” He rolled his eyes. “But I wanted to write. I had a lot to catch up on over the last few days.”
“What color?”
I knew exactly what he was talking about. I just didn’t know how he knew what he was talking about. “Excuse me?”
“Pink or green? If it was blue, I’m gonna be pissed.”
I slapped his chest. “You read my book?”
“No, I read my book . . . that you graffitied with highlighter.”
“It’s not your book! It’s mine.”
He thought I was joking, even as I jumped off his lap.
He pushed to his feet, snapping the condom off and knotting it before settling on the edge of the bed. “Ash, I’m not a total asshole. You can borrow it anytime you want.”
I gave him an evil side eye. “Wheels, I just told you that I love you. Do not make me regret it. That book is mine.”
“Come here.” He grabbed my hand and tugged me to stand between his legs. “Say it again.”
“It’s mine,” I told him.
He gave me an unimpressed glare. I knew what he wanted to hear; I just really liked fucking with him.
“The other thing, smartass.”
I wanted to keep going, but as he looked up at me through his thick black lashes, I wanted to hear him say it again too. “I love you.”