“She needs someone now, to help her through the pregnancy, when she’s so brokenhearted over Jeff, and to remove the pressure she feels because of my mother’s condition. As you know, I’ve been struggling, anyway. Maybe this is a sign that I need to make a change, that I’m pushing too hard and it’s detrimental to me and my family.”
Neither one of them said that leaving right now and for so long would likely destroy her chances of ever retaking the helm of Hanover House and might make it impossible to return in the future. She had to be cautious about how others perceived her, especially the Bureau of Prisons and the press. She’d worked so hard to convey that she’d completely recovered from the past and could be trusted to handle anything that was thrown at her.
This would undermine all of that.
“When were you going to tell me?” he asked.
“Not now. Not while you’re dealing with so much. To be honest, I just decided this morning. I haven’t even told Brianne. That’s why you’ve probably felt some tension between me and my sister.” She wiped at an errant tear. “She isn’t happy with me, either.”
He’d give anything to persuade her to stay. A year would seem like forever without her—especially knowing those twelve months might turn into forever.
But pressuring her would only chase her away. If she stayed, she had to do it because she wanted to, because she could be fulfilled here in Alaska, with him, satisfied in the long term. He had no interest in continuing the relationship if he had to live in constant fear that she’d leave him.
Maybe it was time for them to figure that out. Maybe, if she did come back in a year, she’d be willing to get married and have a child.
And if she didn’t? She probably wouldn’t have lasted, anyway.
“I want whatever makes you happy,” he said, and slipped out of her grasp.
*
Evelyn hoped to stop Amarok, to talk until they both felt better. But she wasn’t sure they would feel better, because she didn’t have anything to say that he’d want to hear.
Penny knocked before she could speak, anyway.
Amarok opened the door so fast Penny stumbled back. Fortunately, he caught her before she could fall.
“Whoops!” she said as her other hand gripped the doorframe. “S-sorry to interrupt. I just got a call from Phil, who works with you. Or for you. Or … anyway, he needs to talk to you.”
Penny had always had a thing for Amarok. Evelyn had noticed the way she flushed whenever he was around. She’d found it slightly amusing in the past. Penny was so obvious about it, it even made Amarok a little uncomfortable. But she didn’t find her assistant’s reaction to her boyfriend so amusing now that she’d be leaving soon and there was no guarantee she’d be back. That meant Amarok might end up with Penny or someone else in the area, maybe even his ex-girlfriend Samantha, who’d made no secret of the fact that she was waiting for just such an opportunity.
“Thanks.” Amarok started to go around Penny.
“You might as well call from my office,” Evelyn said, but it hadn’t been easy to regain his attention. She’d had to say his name three times before he finally looked back at her.
He seemed eager to get away, as if he couldn’t tolerate being in the same space with her any longer. That made Evelyn feel even worse. But what was she supposed to do? It wasn’t fair that she’d left Brianne to deal with their parents for so many years. And now that Brianne had a baby coming, she was going to need Evelyn, too.
Evelyn stepped aside as Amarok came around the desk.
Plainly curious as to what was going on that would send Amarok charging out of Evelyn’s office like that and then make him slow to respond when she called him, Penny stood in the doorway, glancing between them until Evelyn walked toward her. At that point she ducked out so Evelyn could close the door.
“What’s up?” Evelyn heard Amarok say after he’d dialed. “Who said that?… It’s nothing.… Just another excuse to take my time.… Right, I know. I have to check it out, anyway. Tell her I’ll be right there.”
When he hung up, Evelyn raised her eyebrows in expectation.
Amarok gestured toward the phone. “Samantha claims she saw something suspicious in the alley behind her gun shop. I’ve got to go check it out.”
“Samantha.” She supposed it was childish, but just hearing that name brought an upwelling of jealousy.
“Yeah.”
She blocked his path to the door in an attempt to stall him. “I’m sorry, Amarok.”
He gave her the lopsided smile that always made her knees go weak, and she thought her heart might break. She ached to touch him, to reassure herself that everything was going to be okay. But she was afraid that after what she’d told him he’d no longer welcome her touch, so she kept her hands to herself.
“I know that,” he said. “I’d better get going.”
“Amarok…”
“There’s nothing you can say, Evelyn, not until you know what you want.”
“It’s not just what I want!”
He swung around to face her. “Yes, it is. And as much as I’ll miss you, hard as it’ll be, I’ll give you the time you need. Just promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“If you come back for more than the job—if you come back for me—you’ll agree to get married.”
She took a deep breath. “You’re giving me an ultimatum. All or nothing?”
“All or nothing,” he replied, and the conviction in his voice scared her. “I want a commitment. I want to know I can rely on your love the way you can rely on mine. And whatever problems arise, we handle them together. Going back to Boston or anywhere else for more than a visit won’t be an option, not unless you’ve quit loving me, or I’ve done something to deserve losing you.”
That was a reasonable request—that she step up and promise him what he was willing to promise her. She couldn’t expect him to remain in a holding pattern forever, never really knowing if she was going to pick up and move back to Boston or if they’d be able to start a family. “Okay,” she said.
After a curt nod, he slipped past without touching her, without so much as brushing against her. That was when she knew he was going to stand behind the line he’d just drawn. It was over between them until she could say she was in for good.
*
Brianne craved a drink. She watched the other people in the rustic Alaskan bar order beer and wine, the occasional mixed drink, and resented the fact that her pregnancy wouldn’t allow her to have any alcohol. She felt she deserved a drink after the month she’d had. She’d lost the man she loved, found out after the fact that she was having his baby and learned that her only sibling was once again facing the psychopath who’d nearly killed her twice before. To make it all worse, even though Brianne had come to help, she’d ended up creating tension between her and Evelyn that had never existed before.
She was screwing up everywhere. Evelyn had called shortly before Brianne left the house to say she was going to ask for a leave of absence and return to Boston. But getting her way only made Brianne feel worse. Just because she’d wrecked her own life didn’t mean she had the right to wreck her sister’s. She’d tried to talk her sister out of returning home, but Evelyn wouldn’t listen. Brianne had piled on too much guilt about not being there; she couldn’t take it back now.
“Good going,” she muttered to herself. It wasn’t her sister’s fault that she’d been dumped, that she was pregnant or that their mother couldn’t handle life. Evelyn hadn’t chosen to be tortured and nearly murdered when she was sixteen, either. “God, I’m such a bad person.” Instead of coming here and providing the support Amarok had wanted her to give and then going back to take care of her own problems, she was the reason Evelyn was giving up the job—and the man—she loved.
Misery loves company. That old saying came to mind and definitely didn’t make her feel any better.