“If those Alferos are giving you shit, we’ll take the next flight out. Son of a bitch, I knew it!” Tex started barking orders while I waited for someone more sane to interrupt him.
Naturally, the sane one would be Mo, his wife, who was the next to speak. “Wait, you pulled a gun on her? Not for her?”
Silence.
I looked at the phone. Yeah, still connected. I sighed.
“In my defense, we had a moment.” Oh hell, someone just shoot me and get it over with. A moment? Seriously? Was I eighteen again?
“Gasp!” Chase yelled. “No shit, Serg, a moment, huh? Better notify the CIA. Better yet, bomb New York. God forbid you have a moment with anyone.”
“I’m setting you on fire next time I see you,” I growled. ”Fair warning and all that.”
Chase laughed. “Losing your touch, since the last time you tried to hurt me you used the element of surprise, who’s a bitch now?”
“Still you,” I fired back.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Another feminine voice piped up.
I sighed. “Hey Mil.”
“Yo.” Something crunched on the other end of the phone. “Bee’s here too.”
“I think it’s safe to just assume…” Nixon chuckled. “…everyone’s here.”
“No shit,” I muttered. “And my humiliation’s complete.”
“Let us be the judge of that,” Tex said. “Now, you pulled a gun on her because you had a…”
“Moment.” Chase finished for him.
“Right.” The bastard was probably using every ounce of control he had to keep himself from laughing. “And so you pulled a gun on her to scare her away from your… hidden treasure?”
“Maybe his—” he coughed “—treasure doesn’t work anymore.” Chase snickered. “Like it’s hidden but no map can find it…” He burst out laughing. “Serg, be honest, was there ever any treasure in the first place? We won’t tell.”
“Forget setting you on fire, I’m gonna take a sniper’s shot, coward’s way out and all that, hope you don’t mind.”
“Eh.” Chase laughed again. “I’ll duck.”
“He’s good at that,” Mil offered helpfully while Chase started yelling so loudly I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
“I really don’t know why I called,” I said mostly to myself. “I’m just trying to keep her away, all right? My wife just died. Oh, look a freaking elephant, I think I just shot it in the ass.” I huffed out a breath and kept talking so I wouldn’t lose my nerve. “Look, it’s fine, I’m here on a job, the only problem is she’s my job and, as of yesterday, she didn’t even know the mafia existed outside of TV shows.”
I was met with absolute silence.
“Shit, you’re serious?” Nixon asked, his voice laced with disbelief. “I mean, we assumed she’d at least not be ignorant.”
“She works in a flower shop,” I interrupted whatever else he was going to say. “And she thought it was a hidden camera show! And then she accused me of being a loan shark.”
“Hah, if the shoe fits,” Chase muttered.
“Wait,” Bee piped up. “What does this have to do with the kiss?”
“Keep up!” Phoenix snapped. “They had a moment, and he panicked because she’s innocent.”
“Kind of.” I frowned. Was that why I freaked? “More like, I panicked because I don’t want her, not like that.”
It felt wrong saying those words out loud.
Like I was hurting her even though she wasn’t even there.
But I couldn’t want her.
Not like that.
And I couldn’t give her anything she deserved.
But I could at least keep a promise. Right?
“Harsh,” Tex coughed. “So after the gun what did you guys do?”
“Watched a movie.” I might as well tell them everything. “And I noticed that she couldn’t even look at me without shaking, so I tried to make things better and asked for a sign, you know, because clearly I’m losing my sanity, and a preview came on about kissing and making things better so I just… went for it.”
“And when you say you went for it?” Tex’s voice held amusement.
“I kissed her, and forced her to kiss me back, then told her it was to prove a point, and she slammed the car door and the door to the house in my face, and now I’m freezing my nuts off sitting on the cement talking to you bastards, no offense girls, and most likely fulfilling a lifelong dream of Chase’s by allowing him to play Doctor Phil.”
“Love that guy, he’s a genius,” Chase whispered reverently.
“Tex, I say this in all seriousness, come down here and put a bullet in my head, it will be easier that way. Please.”
“Okay!” Tex answered. Yelling ensued as more noise made it impossible to hold the phone to my head. “What!” Tex yelled about the dropping of plates and crashing. “He said please! He never says please! He’s desperate! Mo, get off!” Mo started yelling in Italian while Tex asked, “How you want it?”