"Nope." She shook her head. "I refuse to believe it. Wanna know why?"
"Not particularly, no, but saying no to you is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Should I sit down for this?"
"No, but you can hold me."
"I'm already doing that."
"And you are sitting down, silly Italian."
"Such a good student."
She flicked my nose.
"I was your teacher first, smart ass."
"One day…" She sighed happily. "…you're going to fall in love, and it's going to be epic and beautiful and heartbreaking."
"I feel that way now." My words felt thick as I clenched her body tighter.
"I refuse it!" she said in a stern voice. "Because that makes our story too tragic, and I don't do tragic. I think we deserve a happy ending… so you and me? We're best friends. We have a lot of firsts together. But imagine us growing old, Sergio? You'd steal the remote. I'd bang you on the head with a baseball bat."
"Don't forget the pots and pans," I said, laughing.
"I mean, who does that?" Andi finished. "Imagine our children!"
"They'd be beautiful," I said reverently.
"They'd be American-born Sicilians with a slice of Russian — they'd be horrible."
I burst out laughing. It felt good to laugh. That was Andi; I knew what she was doing, even in her last moments — trying to cheer me up. Maybe she could sense my heart breaking. Maybe she could hear it. I knew I could.
"And don't even get me started on the way you steal all the covers, Sergio. Not very classy and, I mean, you do snore."
"I purr."
"You snore," she corrected. "And you sing like shit."
"Thanks."
"It's the truth."
"No sugarcoating, hmm, Russia?"
"No, Sicily, no sugarcoating."
"So where does that leave us?" I was almost afraid to ask.
"With goodbye." She shrugged then kissed me softly across the lips. "But it's going to be a hell of a goodbye… with kissing, hugging — no tears though. Don't go all soft on me. Russians don't cry."
"Even when Russians watch Frozen?"
"You were sworn to secrecy! You know that means I have to kill you."
"Do your worst." I held open my arms, but, instead of hitting me, she just leaned back, her head resting against my chest.
"Remember this moment, Sergio… when I'm gone… and please, for the love of God, smile don't go back to that place. Don't get angry, don't get resentful, just smile… because we had a chance. It was short, but we still had it. And that, my friend, is a beautiful ending, remember?"
I closed my eyes, blinking back tears. "Yes, I remember."
Andi kissed my cheek and sighed; her breathing sounded more laborious; her body felt cold, frigid.
"Andi…" My voice broke. "…I broke my promise."
She shifted in my lap and faced me. "What?"
"I cried… I cried over you."
Andi's eyes welled with tears as she cupped my face with her hands. "That's okay… I cried too."
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
"Will you hold me now?" She sighed. "So we can watch the sunrise together?" Her voice cracked.
"Yeah, Andi."
She relaxed against me. Her body felt so frail, so tiny.
"I love you, Italy."
"I love you too, Russia."
"For as long as we both live…" Andi whispered.
"As long as we both live," I repeated.
The sun rose over the horizon; it was bright, breathtaking. Andi gripped my hands tight and sighed happily.
My whole life I'd watched people die. After all, most of the time I'd been the one to offer death. I'd been on the other end of the gun, the fist, the knife.
I'd always thought of it as being something so indifferent, mechanical.
I was wrong.
So wrong.
Dying didn't have to be tragic.
It didn't have to be horrific.
Or dark.
It could be beautiful.
I'd known the minute I'd stepped out of our bedroom I wouldn't be walking back in with Andi in my arms.
I'd known it in my soul.
Yet I followed her.
I would follow that woman anywhere.
And she knew that.
It was a kindness — to pull me away from my family, from the house, from what the memory would be like to find her lifeless in our bed, in the room we'd shared.
"Andi," I whispered, "I love you… until we both shall live…"
She took her last breath.
I felt it like it was my own.
And I held her like my strength would somehow bring her back.
It wouldn't.
But I held her anyway.
For an hour I sat there with Andi in my arms. The sun shone across her face — it was bright, so beautiful — and I knew… death didn't have to be ugly.
It could be like Andi.
Absolutely perfect.
I kept my tears in.
At least I tried.
But I didn't last long.
Because after that hour was up, I felt a hand touch my shoulder. Tex sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my body and held me…
While tears flowed freely down my face.
Nixon sat on the other side.
And then Ax.
Chase.
Frank.
Phoenix.
The mob bosses and two made men.
They didn't just hold me.
Every single one of them cried with me.
Andi hadn't just affected me. She'd affected all of us, brought us together, made something beautiful out of what had for so long been so dark.