"What?" I'd never in my life seen Phoenix show emotion, not really, not in the way he was showing now, like any second he was going to break down and sob all over the table. "What's wrong?"
"I've never…" He shook his head as tears filled his eyes. "…respected a man as much as I respect you, right now, in this moment."
I swallowed the knot in my throat. "Oh yeah? Why?"
"Because I see it, Sergio. I feel it. I know it. What it's like to be saved, to have someone see you for you, not just what you want people to see. But who grasps the innermost parts of your darkness and calls bullshit on your own insecurities, who takes you for who you are and says its okay. I know." He licked his lips and looked down at the table. "I know it, probably better than most, and now, so do you. She's dying, man, and I can't… my brain can't comprehend the gravity or the depth of the sorrow you feel, and I can't help you — none of us can — and it's choking to watch, to live through, so I can't imagine being you, I can't imagine being her, and because of that, I respect you so much that now, right here, right now, I vow to do my damnedest to help you when this is done. I'll get your ass out of bed when it seems too hard. I'll shoot you in the ass if you don't eat. I'll do what I can because I owe you at least that much for showing me what it's really like to be selfless — to love."
I had no words.
So, for the first time since my promise to Andi, I let it go. I collapsed against my enemy — the one guy I probably hated just as much as Tex.
And I cried.
Big heaving sobs wracked my body.
And Phoenix De Lange of all people…
Held me.
And told me it was going to be okay.
I just wish I believed him.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Andi
THIS WAS FAMILY. IT WAS DISORGANIZED, messy, chaotic, hilarious, heartbreaking—it was perfect.
Trace had quickly decided that we didn't need a movie but a karaoke night.
Nixon was not amused.
And watching Trace try to get Nixon to sing Frozen's "Let it Go" was officially going down in my all-time favorite moments. He looked livid, yet he was up there, clutching the microphone with a death grip while Trace danced around him.
Awesome.
I clapped.
Tex kept booing.
And Chase kept asking Nixon to take off his shirt.
Somehow the song took a turn for the worse when Trace tried to spank Nixon. He tossed her over his shoulder and carried her out of the room.
The song was finished anyway.
I imagine she was going to get punished — in the best way imaginable. Homeboy seemed to have a lot of anger — but the good kind — like the kind that you knew if timed right could be… exciting.
I giggled when Chase and Mil took the stage.
I'd never seen a better pair in my entire life. She was feisty; he was hilarious but had this underlying intensity that I think he tried to hide in order not to terrify small children. It worked.
They sang "A Whole New World."
Chase was the magic carpet.
You can imagine how that went.
Mil got on top of him and… well, it was Chase; he immediately flipped her around and started kissing her.
The song never even finished before Mil stopped singing and flushed a bright red.
"Get a room!" Tex yelled.
"We have one!" Mil gripped Chase's hand and led him to the door just as Phoenix and Sergio made their way in.
"What's going on in here?" Phoenix shoved his hands into his pockets and grinned.
"Singing!" I announced.
Sergio tried to leave.
Chase barricaded the door with help from Mil.
"Yay!" I yelled. "Our turn!"
I jumped to my feet and quickly fell back to my chair.
Sergio was at my side immediately. "Are you okay? Do you need to go to bed?"
"No," I lied. The room was spinning, but I was having so much fun, and I just wanted to pretend the night could last a little bit longer. "Let's sing!"
"Huzzah!" Tex yelled.
"Historical romance nod." Chase held up his fist to Tex. "That's my man."
Sergio rolled his eyes and gripped my hands. "Alright, Russia, what do you want to sing? I swear to all that is holy if you say the Russian national anthem, I'm going to Taser your ass and hide your gun."
I pouted. "But my gun is special."
He smirked. "So's mine."
"Fine. You win."
"Ha." He kissed the corner of my mouth. "Okay, so what will it be?"
The only song I could think of wasn't fun. But it had meaning, so I pressed my finger to his lips and went over to the little machine and picked my song then grabbed the microphone.
"'If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses…'" I kept singing and twirled around on the stage, but I got dizzy super-fast and had to stop.
Sergio was there instantly. He sat on the makeshift stage and put me on his lap as I kept singing.
I was on his lap…
Singing about getting buried.
And he was rocking back and forth like it was okay.
Tex and Mo sobered.
Phoenix turned off the lights, and soon cell phones lit up the small dark room.