“Unfortunately, I was unaware that his balls were the issue. I thought we were talking about our hearts.”
“With men, it’s always a dick thing. If I had a daughter, that’s the real-world advice I would give her.”
“Reason enough to keep you taking your birth control pills.” She smiled, then sighed. “I guess I should have been prepared for his anger—he’s always had a healthy ego—but I know he was unhappy, too. I figured he would welcome a little time apart.”
“He probably didn’t think you meant it—the letter, I mean. And then, when he found out you were serious, he blew a gasket. Just because he said ‘divorce’ doesn’t mean he really wants one.”
“I know. So, give me some advice here, Meghann. I feel as if I’m treading water in the deep end of the pool. I need your three-hundred-dollar-an-hour plan.”
Meghann took a sip of tequila, then said slowly, “Well, for a woman like you, I usually—”
“Like me?”
Meghann winced. “Great mother, decent income, no real work experience.”
“Oh, a woman like me. Go on.” Elizabeth decided on another shot.
“Anyway, usually I recommend finding a job. It’s good for the self-esteem, not to mention the bank account. However, I drove through Echo Beach.”
Elizabeth tossed back the drink. “Yeah. Maybe the fish market needs someone to wipe up salmon guts. God knows I have enough cleaning experience.”
“I think you should cast your net a little farther. No pun intended.”
“Like Cannon Beach?”
Meghann scooted closer. “I thought about this on the drive down here. You always wanted to get your master’s degree in fine arts, remember? This would be a great time to do it.”
“That was a long time ago.”
“Your excuses are wearing thin, Birdie. You could have gone to graduate school twenty years ago; you chose not to. Do you really want to leave Jack and fall into the same old patterns?”
It was true. She could have gotten her master’s before the kids were born. Why hadn’t she?
Because it would have made life difficult. What if Jack’s dinner had been late? Or she’d had a midterm on a game night?
What if she hadn’t been talented enough?
“I guess I didn’t want it enough.” That much was true, at least. She’d never been good at taking big risks unless it benefitted her children. And so she was here, a woman “like her,” with nothing to fall back on and nothing to reach for.
“Be bold, Birdie. Apply. Take the road you turned away from. Isn’t that what this is all about?”
“Come on, Meg. I’m forty-five years old and I haven’t painted in twenty years. Sometimes, you really don’t get a second chance.” She didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “I can’t imagine applying for grad school on my credentials.”
Meghann was clearly disappointed. “What about painting class, then?”
Elizabeth shuddered at the thought. Sitting in a room with a bunch of strangers, pretending she’d refound a lost talent? Hardly.
Meghann looked at her. “Okay, okay. Your eye is twitching. I’ll change the subject.”
“Thank you.”
“How about this: I need your help. I’m trying to change my slutty ways. The problem is, I need to figure out how to get turned on by a man my own age.”
Elizabeth laughed. “Start slowly. Quit dating men who say things like awesome, dude, and that’s tight.”
“And make conversation? I think not. Let me tell you, Birdie. The dating pool is damned shallow out there. You’ll see. My last date wiped his nose on the tablecloth at Canlis, which actually placed him on a higher evolutionary rung than the guy who blew his nose out the car window because the Kleenex box was empty. Just wait, Birdie. In about six months, the fish-gut guy will start looking hot. When you finally realize what men our age are like, give me a call. I’ll talk you down from the ledge. Wait! Better yet, move up to Seattle. You could have my second bedroom.”
“I love it here, you know that.”
“Here? It’s another damned planet—and an uninhabited one at that. And let me tell you, that is not an ordinary rain. I’m a Seattleite; we know rain.”
Laughing, Elizabeth slipped an arm around her friend’s shoulders and drew her close. “The beach is beautiful.”
“When you can see it. On the way down here, I saw a group of Japanese tourists lashed together for a beach walk. They’ll probably never be found.”
“When the sun shines—”
“Twice a year.”
“It’s the prettiest place on earth. You can breathe here.”
“I can breathe in Beirut. It doesn’t mean I want to live there.”
The alarm on the oven beeped. Elizabeth stood up, realizing abruptly how drunk she was. Her legs felt rubbery and she couldn’t feel the tips of her fingers at all. It made her giggle. “Come with me.”
Meghann crawled to her feet. “Where are we going? Dancing? I love dan—” She frowned. “What was I talking about?”