Sally moved in close, touched Jack’s shoulder, then drew back. It was the signal; they were rolling film now. Jack knew he could stop, introduce her for the camera and officially begin the interview, but he didn’t want to interrupt what he’d already started. Instead, he leaned toward her and said, “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Andrea.”
She tried to smile. It was heartbreaking to see. “How about stupidity? I didn’t even get to know him. I saw him across the room and knew who he was—everyone knew him. I was a cheerleader in high school—Corvallis—and I used to watch him play. He always seemed so … perfect. I knew girls came up to him all the time, and I wasn’t pretty enough or cool enough, but that night I’d had a few drinks and I was brave. I thought: maybe, you know? So, I went up to him and started a conversation. At first, he was so nice. He really looked at me, like I was someone who mattered. When he went over to the keg for a beer, he brought me back one, and when other girls came up to him, he blew them off and stayed with me. The way he smiled at me … touched me when he talked … it made me feel so special.” Her voice cracked. She fingered the gold cross that hung from a delicate chain around her throat.
Jack thought: You are special, and you shouldn’t need a boy to prove it. It was what he hoped someone would have said to his own daughters.
She let go of the cross, let her hand fall to her lap. Her gaze followed. “After a while, the party started breaking up. Drew—”
“Grayland?”
“Yes. He was telling me a funny story about last week’s practice, and when I looked around, I saw that only a few people were still in the room. There was a couple standing by the television, making out. Another few guys were at the keg. Drew leaned over and kissed me. It was so … gentlemanly. When he asked me to come up to his room, I said yes.” As the admission leaked out, she paled. Her lower lip trembled; she bit down on it. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
This time Jack couldn’t help himself. She was so damned young. “You’re nineteen, Andrea. Don’t judge yourself too harshly. Trusting someone isn’t a crime.”
Her gaze found his. It was surprisingly steady. “What he did to me was a crime, though.”
“What … did he do?” He winced at his own hesitation, hoping they could edit it out.
“At first we were just lying on the bed, kissing, but he started getting aggressive. He held me down so I couldn’t move, and his kisses … I couldn’t breathe. I started pushing him away, but that made him laugh. He grabbed me, hard. I started yelling at him, screaming for him to get off me.”
Jack could see how hard she was trying not to cry.
“He hit me once in the face. No one’s ever hit me before. It isn’t like the movies. It hurt so much I couldn’t even cry. And then he was ripping my clothes off, yanking my underwear down. I heard them rip. Then … then …” When she looked up, her eyes were glazed with tears. “He raped me.”
Jack pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her.
“Thank you,” she whispered, wiping her eyes. It was a moment before she went on. “I don’t even remember leaving the house. My roommate took me to the emergency room, but we had to wait forever. I finally gave up and went home.”
“You didn’t see a doctor that night?”
“No. What was the point? I watch lots of lawyer shows on television. I knew people would say I asked for it. I went to his room and followed him onto the bed.”
Jack realized that his hands had balled into fists. He softened his voice; it seemed grotesque suddenly, asking these intimate questions for a bit on the six o’clock news. “Did you tell anyone beside your roommate? Your parents, maybe?”
She made a little sound, maybe a sob. “I couldn’t. I guess I’ll have to tell them tonight. But I went to the campus police the next day. I knew they wouldn’t do anything, but I wanted to make sure they knew what he’d done to me.”
“What happened?”
“An officer listened to my story, then excused himself and left the room. About fifteen minutes later Bill Seagel came in. He’s the Panther athletic director. He laid it all out for me. How I had no proof, no doctor’s report, no witnesses. How I could have walked into a wall to get my black eye, and how I’d been drinking. He told me nothing would happen to Drew if I came forward, but my college years would be ruined. So I shut up about it.”
“Why did you come forward now?”
“I saw your report on the news.” She looked up again. “I wasn’t the only one, and they knew that. Those assholes knew it. I didn’t want him to be able to hurt anyone else.”
“So you went to the Portland police.”
“It probably won’t do any good, you know. I waited too long and did everything wrong. But I feel better. At least I’m not afraid anymore, and I’m not just lying there, taking it. Do you think I did the right thing?”
Jack knew he shouldn’t answer. This interview wouldn’t be much good if he ruined his credibility by showing that he cared.