“Why can’t I? Why do you get to tell me you’re not over me but I can’t say the same back?”
“Because I’m not the one who’s dating someone else,” he snaps. His eyes narrow and his features harden. He takes a step toward me. Now we’re only two feet apart. “I’m not the one who gave up two years ago. You were. And now you’re suggesting that you’re having second thoughts? Sure, it feels pretty damn amazing, but at the same time, you’re getting my hopes up for fucking nothing. You said it yourself. None of this is ever going to work. Especially now. We had our chance and you threw it away. Now you have Dean, which pretty much translates to game over for me.” By the time he finishes talking, his voice has lost its sharp edge. He just frowns and glances sideways, fixing his eyes on a spot near the fire door.
“I’m sorry,” I try, exasperated. “I was only sixteen. I had no idea what I was doing. Can you blame me, Tyler? Can you seriously blame me for being scared? Back then it seemed like we were never going to be able to make it work. It was impossible, okay? I wasn’t going to waste my life sitting around in love with someone I couldn’t be with. And then Dean was in the picture, and I liked him, and you were a lost cause, so why shouldn’t I have started dating him? I love him.” I stop to catch my breath, trying my hardest to gauge Tyler’s reaction, but he’s still staring at nothing in particular. His expression is hard, yet neutral. I move toward him. Only a foot between us. “We’re not kids anymore, and I’m starting to realize that maybe now we could make it work, but it feels like it’s too late. I’m stuck in the middle between you and Dean and I have absolutely no idea in hell which side I’m supposed to choose.”
Silence ensues. It feels like it takes forever for Tyler to finally shift his eyes back to mine. His eyes are still narrowed, but the longer we look at each other the more he softens his gaze. He takes that final step closer to me and my breathing stops completely. His body is only inches from my own, and he stuffs one hand back into the front pocket of his pants before cautiously moving the other to my waist. He runs his gaze over my body. “Me estoy muriendo por besarte.”
I furrow my eyebrows. “The waitress is coming?”
“No,” he says with a minute shake of his head. He smiles gently, his eyes resting on my collarbone. “That’s not what it means,” he murmurs. “I said that I’m dying to kiss you.”
Right then, I forget about Dean. I forget, because the only thought running through my mind is that I’m dying to kiss Tyler too. It’s been two years since the last time and I’ve started to forget the way his lips felt against mine. I haven’t quite forgotten the way his kisses would make me feel. I remember the goosebumps. The racing of my pulse. The weakness in my knees. That I doubt I’ll forget.
I swallow and glance down at his grasp on my waist. I stare at his knuckles, and then his fingertips, and then back up to his eyes. “Why don’t you?” I whisper.
“Because of Dean,” he says sharply, and immediately he retreats. His touch disappears and the distance between us increases as he turns his back on me and walks off. “Wait here,” he calls over his shoulder.
Thankfully my voice doesn’t escape me despite the fact that my throat feels dry. “What?”
Tyler yanks open the fire door and pauses, then cranes his neck to look at me. “Just stay here,” he tells me. “I’ll be back in a couple minutes.”
He disappears back inside the apartment, down the flight of stairs, leaving the door to softly click shut behind him. I stare at it for a short while. My thoughts take a minute to piece together and I struggle to even comprehend everything at first, but slowly it sinks it. I pull my jacket tighter around my body and turn back to the city.
I didn’t notice the pink in the sky fading, but it’s completely gone by now, replaced by deep blue streaks instead. The lights all appear even brighter, if that’s possible. I can hear a siren a couple blocks away, but I mostly pay attention to the way the air feels much cooler now and the way the breeze is picking up. I edge back over to the wall and grip the edge.
Tyler has a point. We can’t hurt Dean. Neither of us set out with the intention to do that, and if we take this further then Dean gets hurt by not only his girlfriend, but his best friend too, which makes it all the more complicated. None of this is fair on him. He shouldn’t be with someone who’s in love with someone else. All I know is that I’m an awful person, and I can already tell where all of this is heading. It’s inevitable: Tyler or Dean.
“Pull yourself up and sit down.”