And the moment my eyes fall to the sight below, I totally forget the reason we’re up here in the first place. I forget that Tyler’s hands are on my body. I forget that he’s about to tell me that he’s over me. Because all I can think about at that second, all I can process, is how gorgeous the view really is.
I think it might be that the sky is a deepening blue splintered with streaks of pink, and I think it might be that everything below and around us now glows, but I can only imagine all of this appearing more stunning now, at night, than it would during daylight. The headlights from the traffic and the illumination from the street lights make everything look orange, and the fluorescent lighting emitting from windows of office buildings creates a map of scattered flecks of light. The further into the distance I look, the more it all becomes just an abundance of buildings, like they’re all piled on top of each other, lights shining through. I’m quickly realizing why it’s known as the city that never sleeps. Now the city seems even more alive than it did only hours ago.
I don’t sense Tyler letting go of me until he’s standing by my side. He leans forward, folding his arms on the wall and letting out a breath. “I like it up here,” he says quietly. He doesn’t have to raise his voice. The city might seem even louder at night down there, but up here it just sounds like faint background noise.
I want to tell him that I like it too, but I’m still marveling at the city surrounding us, too stunned to attempt to speak. It’s almost terrifying how huge it all is and how insignificant we seem in comparison. How many other people are standing on rooftops around the city right now? How many other people believe, at this exact moment, that the city is theirs?
A gentle breeze whistles between us and my hair sways around my face. I lift my hand and press a finger to my lips, and slowly I shift my gaze from the city to Tyler. His eyes are carefully studying the skyline, but he must notice that my attention is now on him, because the muscle in his jaw tightens. Exhaling, he lowers his head and stares at the top of the wall for a moment.
“I guess you want to have that talk,” he murmurs.
Part of me still wants to, but the other would rather do anything else. Up here is too perfect for this, but I’ve already got myself into this situation, and Tyler might not give me another opportunity to get this over with. I’ve been waiting an entire year to find out. Why wait longer? Why do that to myself?
I take a deep breath and swallow back the nerves. The adrenaline that built up back at the restaurant is long gone by now and I can only pray that it’ll take over again. Maybe that way it’ll block out how much this is about to hurt. I glance down at Third Avenue. “We’ve needed to talk about this for a while now.”
There’s a brief silence as Tyler shifts his footing. Then he unfolds his arms and interlinks his hands on the top of the wall instead. He stares at them. “Where do we start?”
“With you telling me that you’re over me,” I say, but despite how strong I’m trying to be, my voice still cracks on the final word. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head at the ground, taking a step back from the wall, away from the edge. “Just admit it. It’s all I’m asking.”
It’s crazy how much things can change within a year. Before Tyler left last June, we still had something there, lingering in the atmosphere whenever we were around each other. We both knew it. We just never spoke about it. I’d already done what I’d believed to be the right thing. I’d already made it clear that none of this was ever going to work and that we were wasting our time, yet as the months went on it became apparent that getting over each other was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Whenever I dropped by Dad’s place and Tyler was there, it always felt like we were forcing ourselves to act innocent to our parents. We weren’t guilty, yet we always felt like we were. Even hanging out with Dean, Rachael, and Meghan would get hard. The five of us would be at the pier together and Tyler would glance between Pacific Park and me when no one was looking, and I always remembered the time he took me there, because it was our first and only date. None of our friends ever noticed Tyler’s smirks. But I always did. Sometimes he would stare at me in the hallways at school. Sometimes I’d stare back. Then he’d smile and turn away, and I’d reel my attention back to Dean, who was often by my side. I used to worry about Dean to begin with. I thought Tyler would hate me for it, for breaking things off and dating his best friend instead. But he never commented on it. Ever. Only narrowed his eyes at me whenever Dean and I were together.
But all of that was before he left. All of that was a year ago.