“I know," I tell her miserably. When she puts it that way, it really does sound pretty messed up.
"I know you want to find her, but this guy sounds dangerous. It sounds as if he's more likely to stab you than help you find Lex. I want you to stay away from him, okay? There's no way you should have anything to do with him. Please, Sloane? For me?"
I bury my face into my coffee cup. I knew she would do this; I knew exactly what she would say, and I’m kind of relieved to be honest. It's like I have permission to avoid him like the plague now, even though he might have some idea where my sister is. I should just tell the police that he practically admitted to hurting Eli yesterday and then they can do all of the questioning. I can stay the hell out of it entirely.
"Okay, yes, you're right. I'll stay away from him,” I say. But for some reason, I don't tell her that he is returning to the hospital tomorrow. I don't tell her that he promised he'd come looking for me.
The unsettled feeling lingering within me is a mixture of guilt and anticipation. I’ve never been one to lie or to hide things, and it’s all too worrying that the only things I’ve kept from my best friend are related to this guy. I can’t help but wonder, am I asking for trouble by keeping secrets? It seems like a futile argument; where he is concerned, I sense that trouble is going to find me regardless.
******
The morning drags unbearably as I try to stretch out my rounds, doing my best to make my other patients’ needs more time consuming than they need to be. Eventually I can't put it off any longer, though. I've done everything that needs doing and since Dr Patel is off today, that makes the girl my responsibility.
Carrie is sleeping when I go to her room, and she's not alone. Kim Perez is from psych, an incredibly lovely woman. She is motherly and warm, the first person they send down here when a kid needs assessing. Carrie’s no kid, but they obviously figured she’d respond to a maternal presence.
"Hey, Sloane,” she whispers, putting Carrie’s chart back into the slot at the end of her bed. "Heard you performed quite the miracle with this one."
"Suresh did most of the work." I smile, returning the same warmth she shows to me.
"Poor girl." She turns to look at Carrie; the girl’s definitely a little worse for wear. There are dark purple rings around her eyes, and her skin is still a deathly white. "I'm just waiting for her to decide to wake up. Any idea how long I'm going to be hanging around?"
"She's not sedated anymore. Could be a couple of hours, could be a day or more. She was in a pretty bad way."
Kim wraps her arms around her body and tuts, frowning at the young woman in the bed. She always takes these things to heart, no matter that she has never met the patient before. "People say that suicide’s the coward's way out, but they couldn't be more wrong. It takes nerves of steel to commit like she did. It's good that she is here now, though. She can get the rest she needs, hopefully develop a different perspective on things. She'll have a whole team of people on hand just waiting to help her."
Dark brown eyes flash inside my head. I swallow hard even though there's nothing constricting my airway. Don’t let them section her or I'm gonna be seriously pissed.
"She's lucky she came to St Peters," I whisper. "She couldn't be in better hands." My mind goes to dark places when I worry. Maybe Alexis is alive—maybe she’s been suffering just like Carrie. Who knows the things she’s been put through if she is still alive. It doesn’t even bear thinking about. Maybe…maybe she’s been laid up in a bed somewhere, recovering from trying to end her own life, too. She wouldn’t have been taken to a hospital, though. Too many opportunities to ask for help. Too many exits through which to make a run for it.
Lex wouldn’t have had a woman like Kim to help her. That thought makes me so devastatingly sad. That guy, whoever he is, is crazy if he thinks I’m going to hand Carrie over to him. Just absolutely fucking crazy.
“Hey, Kim, I really have no idea when her sedative is going to wear off but I’m done with all my work for the time being. Bar an emergency, I have a little while to sit with her. Why don’t you head back upstairs and I’ll come find you if she wakes up?”
Kim smiles at me like I’m the most thoughtful person in the world. “Thanks, Chiquita. I have a mountain of paperwork that’s not going anywhere if I don’t chain myself to that desk. You got my pager?”