My gaze drifted down over her breasts, her stomach, her legs. I stilled when I saw the scars on her inner thighs. Nausea built in my throat . . . they were from the Lord’s Sharings . . .
“They are no more,” she said and inched closer to me. “Rider,” she breathed. “There will be no more because of you.”
“But they all died,” I said.
“Because of Judah,” she argued.
I shook my head. “My telling Judah the Hangmen were coming changed his plans. It made him do it, Bella. It made him kill them all. He would rather they all died than be saved. Even when all was lost, Judah somehow found a way to make it worse.” I smothered a cry. “Their faces, Bella . . . they . . . they were so scared . . . ”
“Shh,” she said and she took my lips with her own, her breasts pressing against my chest. I tensed as her lips began to move against mine, but I fell into the kiss as her sweet taste burst on my tongue.
Life flared back into my muscles under her touch. I threaded my hands into her hair. Bella moaned into my mouth, and I rolled until I was braced over her body. I broke from her mouth, needing to see her beneath me. As I drew back my head, my pulse raced. Bella’s long black hair fanned over the white sheets, and her pupils were wide with need.
Need for me.
“Bella.” I ran my hand down her soft cheek. She caught my fingers and brought them to her lips. She kissed the center of my palm and laid it over her heart. My heart took control and my mouth opened. “I love you,” I whispered, the words coming straight from my soul.
Bella’s eyelids drifted shut . . . then a smile pulled on her lips. My heart slammed in my chest. She opened her eyes and stared right into mine. “I love you too, Rider. As impossible as it is for me to comprehend the concept of loving someone so deeply . . . I do. With my whole heart . . . I do.” My cold body felt infused with bright, warm light.
I bent down and kissed her just as the sound of rain began hitting the windows. A dull flash lit up the room, followed by the loud crash of distant thunder. But I didn’t even flinch at the rolling storm. Bella’s gentle hands ran up my back, her tongue brushing against mine. With her, I was safe. I was calm.
I swallowed her moans as I shifted between her legs. I groaned deeply as I found her entrance. Bella’s hands moved to the backs of my thighs and slowly guided me inside. My arms, braced at the side of her head, shook as I felt her heat wrap around me. My teeth gritted together as I pushed all the way inside her. Bella’s head snapped back as I dropped mine and peppered kisses along her slim neck. Her hands threaded in my hair, keeping me close to her skin.
“Rider,” she murmured. I pulled back my hips, then thrust back inside. I kissed her neck again then lifted my gaze. Bella’s head rolled on the pillow. Her eyes locked on mine . . . and she obliterated my heart with her smile.
In such a short space of time, she had become my everything. My morning, noon and night. My reason to wake each day. In the end, she had been the greatest blessing I could ever have prayed for.
A saint for the ultimate sinner.
I reached for her hands. I laced them both through mine and drew them above her head. My face hovered above hers as I moved my hips faster and faster. And I never looked away. I wanted her to see in my eyes exactly what she meant to me. I wanted to replace the horrors in my mind with her stunning face.
Those ice-blue eyes, the long black lashes, her flawless pale skin, her plump pink lips . . . I wanted to speak, to tell her everything I felt, but I knew I couldn’t open my mouth. My emotions were too high.
I just wished I had known her before.
I wished so badly I’d met her before I became the man I did. Before I ruined lives . . . before I helped in the murder of hundreds of souls.
Bella’s face blurred. I blinked, realizing that tears had clouded my eyes. The droplets splashed onto Bella’s flushed cheeks. Bella’s hands squeezed mine. She lifted our joined hands to my eyes and wiped away the wetness. My heart broke when I saw she was crying too.
“Bella,” I rasped, stilling.
She shook her head and her face tore with pain. “I cannot bear it, Rider.”
“What?” I asked, lying closer against her—flesh to flesh, heart to heart.
“What you are doing to yourself.” Bella sniffed back her tears. “The blame . . . the guilt that you are letting eat you alive.” She searched my eyes. “Blaming yourself for today. This was your brother. It is what he has always done to you, manipulated you. Even now, in death, he has somehow laid the catastrophe at your feet, and you accept the burden of this blame with open arms.”
“Because it’s true. I am to blame.”
Bella stared at me silently. She started rocking her hips in slow, subtle movements. I closed my eyes and let my forehead rest upon hers. Bella freed one of her hands and combed it through my hair. She brought my ear to her lips. “Then I absolve you from that guilt. If you need someone to forgive you, let me be the one to offer you forgiveness.”
Her hips worked faster, my body reacting to the relentless rhythm. But then I cried, I fucking cried as she repeated her words. “I forgive you, baby. I forgive you for what you have done.” The emotion got trapped in my throat. Bella’s breath began breaking into short, sharp gasps.
“Rider,” she whispered as her heart beat a damn symphony against my chest. “Rider.” Her hand tightened in my hair. My muscles tensed as I thrust harder, pushing the breath from my lungs. Bella froze in my arms, her breasts pressing into me as her back arched. She cried out into the crook of my neck, pulling me as close as she physically could.
The feel of her contracting around me was my undoing. Unable to hold back any longer, I pushed into her three more times and roared out my release, my voice cut and raw, weak from today. I came with her hand in my hair and her voice whispering, “I forgive you. I love you. It is time to be free.”
My head fell into the pillow. For a brief moment, there were no faces in my mind, there were no voices in my ears. There was just us.