A brief flash of worry formed on her face. Wordlessly, she took my hand and led me to the bathroom. As usual, the bathroom was clean and fully stocked with towels and any other shit you could need—the club sluts were always seeking approval. Bella walked to the shower. She struggled with how to turn it on at first, but steam soon began to billow out into the bathroom. I inhaled the warm air and closed my eyes.
Gentle hands suddenly touched the button of my leathers. I looked down; Bella pulled them down over my legs until they were off and I stood naked before her.
She lifted her hands to the straps of her dress and brought them off her shoulders. When the dress pooled at her feet, when her perfect, beautiful body was bared to me, all I could do was stare.
She was so fucking perfect, so kind and so damn strong . . .
I didn’t deserve her.
She took my hand and led me into the shower. I hissed as the red-hot water hit the wounds and cuts on my skin. Bella shifted me to face the spray, and I let her. Right now I didn’t want to make any decisions. I didn’t wanna take the lead no more. I didn’t wanna think, I didn’t wanna remember . . . anything.
The water pounded on my head. Bella’s hands moved to my body. She began to wash away the remnants of today—the blood, the fucking horror of being helpless to save the innocent.
I gasped, slapping my hand on the tiles for balance as the memories began to seep through the cracks in the armor around my mind. But Bella didn’t stop. Her hands worked shampoo into my long hair and my beard, clearing them of the blood . . . so much fucking blood.
Then, one by one, the faces of the dead came rushing back . . . the many faces, the fucking terrified faces of the children thrashing, reaching out for help, no one meeting their searching hands. The people who were shot as they tried to run away, afraid to die. The screams, the music drowning out the agony.
Then there was Judah . . . his choked breath calling me “brother”, telling me he loved me as I watched his eyes lose their light, their life . . . Cain . . . Cain . . . his fucking silent heart.
A loud, pain-filled cry shattered the silence in the shower. It wasn’t until I dropped to the shower floor that I realized that the noise had come from me. My legs had given way until I sat, hunched down, under the heavy spray.
“Rider!” Bella called and dropped down beside me. My long wet hair gathered forward, shielding my face. But Bella’s hands were there, guiding me back until I slumped against the wall.
“Rider . . . baby . . . ” she whispered. Her soft voice was thick with sympathy. It only made the pain worse.
I tried to shake my head to rid myself of the unwanted images, to block the screams from my head. But they didn’t go away. They only got louder. Deafening, racking screams of terror.
I rocked forward, pushing my hands over my ears. The water kept coming in heavy torrents, and so did the memories. Two hands wrapped around my wrists, pulling my hands from my head.
“Bella,” I whispered, my voice cracking with the strain. “I killed him . . . I killed him because he murdered them all.”
Bella nodded her head, inching closer between my legs until her forehead rested against mine. I cried harder as I felt her warmth drift over me, her soft hands brushing through my hair, gliding over my skin. But I couldn’t stop the hurt. I couldn’t stop the pain . . . “Their faces won’t leave my head,” I whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut, but all I saw were the syringes being forced into the children’s mouths. Their trusting, innocent eyes never resisting a thing. I choked on a sob. “Their screams won’t leave me alone.”
I opened my eyes and raised my hands. I could still see the blood. I could see Judah’s blood. “Blood,” I blurted. “Please . . . wash away the blood . . . ”
Bella took hold of my hands. She searched the skin, her fingers running over the thick red fluid pooling in my palm. “Rider,” she whispered. “There is no blood, baby. It has all gone.”
“No,” I argued, holding my hands higher. “It’s still there. I can see it.” I brought my palms to hover in front of her face. “It’s still there . . . my brother’s blood . . . I can see it . . . ”
A strangled sound came from Bella. I stilled and blinked away the water from my eyes. “Bella?” I asked softly. I jerked back my hands as she laid a kiss to my palm. “No!” I shouted, scrambling to my feet. I slipped on the tile and slammed back down to the floor.
“Rider!” Bella pressed her hands on my shoulders to keep me still. My breathing was erratic as I fought to pull in new gulps of air. “Listen to me,” she implored. “Listen to me!” she repeated when I didn’t look up.
When I did, she was right before me. Her face mere inches from mine, her legs straddling my waist. Her eyes were locked on mine. “Baby,” she soothed. “You are seeing things that are not there.” She paused as her words sank in. She laid her hand on my cheek. “You are seeing blood, but it is all gone. I have washed it all away. You are clean. Baby, you are free.”
“I’m not.” I tapped the side of my head. “The screams and the faces . . . they’re trapped in here. I can’t . . . I can’t chase them away.” I laid my head back against the hard tile. “I killed him, Bella . . . I killed him with my bare hands. And I watched his disbelief that I, his brother, could do it . . . he died knowing it was me who sent him to hell.”
Bella didn’t say anything in response. Instead, she reached up and turned off the shower.
She reached for my hand. “Come with me,” she said softly. I wasn’t sure I could move, but as she stood up, the bathroom light flaring behind her like a halo, I knew I would follow her anywhere.
She was a damn angel . . . my fucking angel.
Slipping my hand into Bella’s, I let her guide me to stand. I swayed on my feet, but I pushed forward, following her out of the shower. She took a towel and began drying every inch of my body.
When we were both dry, Bella pulled me from the bathroom to the bed. My legs ached as I lay beside her, staring at her face as she stared into mine.