“Don’t hate me, Cindy,” Mattheus’s voice dropped as he suddenly pleaded for all he was worth. “She’s a shadow in my life I’ve made peace with.”
Cindy was chilled to the bone now and silent.
“Say something,” Mattheus lurched closer to her, “don’t just stand there like that, looking dazed.
But Cindy was speechless. If they hadn’t fallen upon this strange case, would she ever have found out? “Were you ever going to tell me, Mattheus?” she finally spoke.
“No, I wasn’t, to be truthful about it,” Mattheus replied. “There was no reason to tell you. I feel for Lynch, I identify with him, he never thought he was doing something so awful.”
Cindy felt her stomach curl into a knot. “We’ve talked about marriage and building a family for almost two weeks now,” Cindy said. “You weren’t going to let me know you have a daughter?”
“I want a new family, I want a family with you. I still want to marry you, but I have to know you won’t run out on me like Tara.”
Cindy could barely believe the strange parallels in the situations. That’s why Mattheus was so upset about it, right from the start. But he still didn’t see that there was anything wrong with shrouding a whole chunk of your life in darkness. Cindy listened to the surf in the background, growing wilder as they spoke.
“So, are we over again?” Mattheus called out. “Now that you know this, if you have no intention of marrying me, let me know.”
Cindy felt dizzy and ill. “I don’t know, Mattheus,” she breathed. “You have to give me time with this.”
“I’ve given you all kinds of time,” Mattheus grew agitated. “We solve one thing and then there’s something else.”
“This isn’t just something else,” Cindy breathed, growing angry. “This is a whole part of your life.”
“So what? Isn’t there room to have secrets in a person’s life? Do you lose all our privacy when you get married?” he asked.
Cindy stopped and thought about it. “Of course everyone needs privacy,” she replied, “but privacy and huge secrets are different. Secrets like this mean a double life.” Cindy felt deeply chilled. How did Mattheus truly see marriage? She’d been horrified when she found out about Clint’s private life, that eventually killed him. She couldn’t go through something like that one more time.
“When you’re married,” said Cindy, “there’s times alone, even separate friends, not no more private life.” Cindy took a deep breath. “Mattheus I agree with what you said before. We need to leave the island now. We need time, we need space.”
“Just what I was thinking” said Mattheus, “try as we might, we can’t catch a break.”
*
The two of them walked back to their room in silence, saying nothing. Once in the room the heavy silence continued as they started to pack their bags.
“Are we going on the same plane at least? Are we going to the same destination?” Mattheus finally asked.
Cindy said nothing. The news that Mattheus had a daughter kept rolling around in Cindy’s mind. She couldn’t find a place for it though, or what it meant for the two of them.
“I’m asking you something,” Mattheus’s voice grew louder.
“I don’t have any answers, Mattheus,” Cindy said. “Let’s go back to St. Barts for a little while, and give things time to settle.”
“Things will never settle,” Mattheus moaned, “I’m getting sick of trying.”
Suddenly the phone rang sharply. Cindy stopped and picked it up. Tara was on the other end, upset.
“Thank God you’re there Cindy,” she said the moment she heard Cindy’s voice. “I’m messed up, I’m confused, I don’t know what to do. Everyone says I should try and go forward, but first I have to see Lynch’s son again.”
“Why?” Cindy felt uneasy.
“I don’t know. I just can’t stop thinking about him,” Tara went on. “I dream about him, see his face in front of me. I have to see him again.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” said Cindy, frightened.
It didn’t seem as if Tara heard a thing she said, though. “Will you come with me, Cindy?” Tara pleaded.
Cindy’s stomach lurched. “Did you tell Lynch you want to go see his son again?” she asked. “Is he okay with it?”
“Why do I have to tell Lynch?” Tara sounded bitter. “Did he tell me what was going on in his life? I told him I’d try to go forward with the wedding, but that his son would have to be a part of our lives.”
Cindy grew silent, she found it odd. “And how did he take that?” she asked.
“Lynch didn’t say anything, just stared straight ahead of him,” said Tara.
“Lynch should know that you’re going to see his son,” Cindy insisted.
“No, he shouldn’t,” said Tara. “I told him I’d be at the rehearsal dinner, that’s enough. But I have to see Bala and Paulie again before that. I want you to come with me, Cindy,” Tara repeated. “Will you, please?”
Cindy had no idea how to respond. Officially, she was no longer on the case, but Tara’s sounded so strange and desperate, it was impossible to say no.