Riley rolled her eyes. “Personally, I think we’re all safe unless any of Vernon’s drunk uncles show up.”
Vernon ignored Riley. “Yellowstone has the biggest, meanest, rapiest Bigfoots in the world. And, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you’ve got a fifty-fifty chance that it will be a Bigfoot of the female persuasion, but let me tell you they’re the worst of all. They’d sooner rape you than look at you.”
Riley stood up. “On that note, I’m going down to the lake to wash up before dinner.”
There was no trail to follow, but the slope of the land was gentle. The vegetation was mostly scrub grass and ground cover. She reached the lake and walked a short distance along the shoreline. The sun had disappeared, but the sky was glowing with shades of orange and purple. She dipped her hands into water that was crystal clear and still warm from the afternoon sun. She looked back toward their campsite. It wasn’t visible from the lake, but the location was marked by a stand of birch trees. She could hear the faint sounds of Emerson, Vernon, and Wayan talking around the fire.
Her intention had been to rinse her hands and splash some water on her face, but she realized she was totally alone and could actually wade in and get clean. She could wash the sweat and grime and fear away. Modesty wasn’t an issue for her. She’d done her share of skinny-dipping in Texas.
She stripped and cautiously stepped into the water. Once she adapted to the chill it felt great on her skin. She swam out, floated around a little, and swam back. The moon was low on the horizon. The stand of birches was clearly visible, and Riley could see a small ambient glow from the campfire.
She stepped out of the water and stood for a long moment, air-drying. When she moved toward the rocky outcropping where she’d placed her clothes, something rustled through the tall grasses just in front of her, and Emerson emerged, almost bumping into her.
“Crap on a cracker!” Riley said. “What are you doing here?”
“It was getting dark, and we started to worry, so I came looking for you.”
“Well, you found me.”
“Evidently so,” Emerson said, staring at her breasts. “You look . . . cold.”
“Stop looking! And turn around so I can get dressed.” Emerson turned around.
“I saw that,” Riley said. “You’re smiling, aren’t you?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Well, stop!”
“You should be happy I’m not Bigfoot come to have his way with you.”
Riley would have preferred Bigfoot. It would be less embarrassing. She didn’t care if Bigfoot got to see her naked. She didn’t have a professional relationship with Bigfoot, and Bigfoot was always naked. She tugged her jeans on and thought there was nothing worse than being the only one who was naked. Okay, maybe getting thrown into a pit with a couple dead, bloated buffalo was worse. Still, this was uncomfortable.
SIXTEEN
DINNER CONSISTED OF FREEZE-DRIED BEEF stew, Thai curry, and M&M’s.
“The fire is nice,” Riley said, “but I could see the glow from the lake. It might not be smart to let it burn all night.”
“There are other precautions we can take to ward off the animals,” Emerson said. “The book suggests that we mark our territory by relieving ourselves around the perimeter of our campsite.”
“Count me out,” Riley said. “I’d rather be eaten by a grizzly.”
“The book also says that you should seal up your food as airtight as possible and hang it from a tree a good distance from your tent,” Emerson said.
“You take care of hanging the food,” Vernon said, “and I’ll take care of peeing the perimeter.”
“It sounds like we have a plan,” Riley said. “We should douse the fire.”
“I will douse the fire,” Wayan Bagus said. “It will be my contribution. I will douse the fire with sand.”
Wayan Bagus went to gather sand and Vernon wandered off to mark his territory.
Emerson had all the food bagged for hanging. “I should be back in ten minutes,” he said to Riley. “If you have a sudden urge to take off all your clothes, just give me a shout-out.”
“And what would you do?”
“I suppose I would have a dilemma. On the one hand I would want to come back to look. On the other hand I would want to be sensitive to your puritanical sense of modesty.”
“Excuse me? Puritanical?”
“Obviously you have a problem with nudity.”
“It’s not a ‘problem.’ ”
“I’m merely stating what I’ve observed,” Emerson said. “You seem bothered by nudity.”
“And you aren’t?”
“Not at all. I’m very secure about my body.”
“Well great. If you’re so secure, you should take your clothes off.”
“What?”
“You heard me,” Riley said. “And the more I think about it, the more I think it’s a great idea. I don’t like that you’ve seen me naked, and I haven’t seen you.”
“That contradicts what you said earlier when I asked if you wanted me to come to bed naked.”
“It’s not at all contradictory. I don’t want you rolling around naked next to me. I simply want to get a good look.”
“That would be awkward,” Emerson said.
“Not at all,” Riley said. “I wouldn’t feel at all awkward. It would be . . . enlightening.”
“Okay, so if I let you get a good look, would it lead to something?”
“Would you want it to?”
“I believe I would,” Emerson said.
“You’re not sure?”
“There might be things to consider.”
“Such as?”
“Precautions.”
“You didn’t pack any?” Riley asked.
“They weren’t on the essentials list in the guidebook.”
Vernon ambled out of the brush. “I’m empty,” he said. “I got halfway around and ran dry. If I just had a couple beers I could finish the job.”
“Confucius wrote that it does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop,” Wayan Bagus said.
“Yessir, Little Buddy,” Vernon said. “That sure is more sage advice. That’s always been my mode of operandi.”
Wayan Bagus finished smothering the fire and retired to his tent for evening meditation. Emerson trudged off with his bag of food and a coil of rope.
Riley stood close to her tent and crossed her arms to ward off the chill.
“I’m worried,” she said to Vernon. “We’re in bear country, and the crazy Rough Riders are probably after us. How did we get into this mess?”
“It’s not so bad,” Vernon said. “We’re with a holy man and my genius cousin. And I got my lucky gun. I figure we just go with the flow. Besides, my unagi is real quiet so we don’t have anything to worry about for now.”
A low, guttural growl came from the woods.
“That sounded like a bear,” Riley said.
“I reckon,” Vernon said.
Wayan Bagus came out of his tent. “What was that?”
They heard another growl. Louder this time. More of a roar than a growl.
“Yow,” Vernon said. “That might have been a lion.”
“There aren’t any lions in Yellowstone,” Riley said.
“There might be mountain lions,” Vernon said.
“Emerson!” Riley shouted into the woods. “Are you okay?”
Vernon shone a flashlight in the direction of the roaring. “I don’t see him. What should we do? We can’t just go wandering around in the dark.”
They all stared into the woods. “Well, we can’t just leave him out there either,” Riley said.
“I’m right behind you,” Emerson said. “Wu wei. This is the perfect example of a situation in which the logical course of action is to do nothing and let the universe solve the problem.”
Riley whipped around. “Holy cats, Emerson, you almost gave me a heart attack. What the heck is wrong with you? Haven’t you done enough sneaking up on people for one day?”
Another roar shattered the quiet.
“It turns out that it is not, in fact, possible to sit down and reason with bears. At least not with this particular bear.”
“No kidding,” Riley said.
Emerson nodded. “Surprisingly, it had very little interest in discussing things in a free marketplace of ideas.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t a Bigfoot?” Vernon asked. “They’re notoriously intolerant.”
“All living things share a fundamental nature and are equally able to achieve enlightenment,” Wayan Bagus said.