Riley narrowed her eyes at him. “We’re completely lost, aren’t we?”
Emerson opened the book to the chapter on way finding. “Theoretically, no. It would be a vast exaggeration to say that we’re completely lost. At worst, we’re partially lost. And that barely counts because we know where we’re going. Sour Creek Dome is the large obstruction directly in front of us.”
Vernon and Wayan Bagus crested the hill, rejoining Emerson and Riley.
Vernon dumped his backpack onto the ground. “My back hurts. I’ve got blisters on my feet, and Little Buddy won’t stop talking about my gun. I could be back at Mysterioso Manor watching reruns of Baywatch right now.”
“That’s the least of your worries,” Riley said. “We’re lost.”
“Lost shmost,” Vernon said. “We’re going to that big hill in front of us. How can we be lost if we can see where we’re going?”
“Precisely,” Emerson said. “And I have a book on the subject.”
“No man can be lost so long as he follows his Tao,” Wayan Bagus said.
“First off,” Riley said, “the Tao thing is getting old. Secondly, up until six months ago, when I got sucked into this bizarre vortex, my Tao was being a financial analyst in an office building, saving enough money to pay off my student loans, and going out for an occasional movie date on the weekends.”
“Don’t sound to me like it compares in any way to hanging out with us,” Vernon said.
Emerson offered the Complete Guide to Riley. “Would it help if I let you hold on to the book?”
“Thank you,” Riley said, “but I don’t want to hold the dumb book. I’m going to go sit over there under that tree and eat a PowerBar. Nobody mess with me for ten minutes.”
Riley sat under the tree, eating her lunch, while Emerson, Vernon, and Wayan Bagus sat on a rock eating theirs. The midday sun sparkled off a little lake in the valley below, and Riley closed her eyes, listening to the sound of the wind filtering through the leaf canopy above her. It really was beautiful here, she thought, but it was difficult to relax and appreciate the beauty when the horror of the night before was still so clear in her mind.
She had asked for ten minutes, and that’s exactly what she gave herself. She had a job to do. It would seem her life depended on it. She was going to hike to Sour Creek Dome and see for herself if something sinister was taking place there.
In exactly ten minutes she left the shade of the tree and strapped on her pack. “Let’s keep moving, boys,” she said to Emerson, Vernon, and Wayan Bagus. “We’re burning daylight.”
Vernon pulled himself to his feet and grabbed his backpack. “I guess you’re not so worried about getting lost anymore.”
“What could possibly go wrong?” Riley said. “After all, we have a book.”
It was late afternoon when they reached the lake on the valley floor. It was deep blue and pristine. And a lot bigger than it looked from the ridgeline.
“We only have an hour or two before sunset,” Emerson said. “I think we should camp here. According to my guidebook it’s best to get settled while there’s enough light to see your surroundings.”
Riley didn’t need a book to figure that one out. She’d done her share of hunting and camping when she was a kid. Not nearly as rough as this. They’d had a pop-up camper that they’d supplement with a tent. Still, the basics were the same. Figure out where the bathroom was located, and make sure you could get to it without running into too many critters in the dark of night.
“First thing we want to do is set up the tents,” Emerson said. “And we should get a fire started to keep the animals away.”
“Do you know how to start a fire?” Riley asked.
Emerson held up the book. “Chapter three.”
“Okeydokey then,” Riley said. “You make the fire, and Vernon and I will get the tents up.”
“I got everything pulled out of the backpacks,” Vernon said. “We got four sleeping bags and pads, a couple little pots for cooking, and two tents.”
“Are you sure there are only two tents?” Riley asked. “There are four people.”
Emerson looked up from his reading. “Four tents would have made the packs too heavy. I decided it was more efficient for two people to share a tent.”
“I volunteer to bunk with you,” Vernon said to Riley. “You won’t have no trouble keeping warm neither. I’m a hot sleeper. And I sleep in the nude, but I promise not to entice you with my nakedness.”
“I appreciate the offer, but no.”
“I suppose you think you would be too tempted to . . . you know,” Vernon said.
“Yeah, that’s it,” Riley said. “Best not to put it to a test.”
Wayan Bagus gave a small apologetic head bow. “It would not be appropriate for us to share a tent,” he said to Riley.
“I understand,” Riley said. She turned her attention to Emerson. “It seems my choice of a tent mate is limited. Do you sleep in the nude?”
Emerson hesitated. “Would you like me to?” he finally asked.
“No!”
“Anything else?”
“I don’t want to wake up and find Post-it notes stuck to me.”
“He does that to me too,” Vernon said. “He leaves me notes that say there’s a zebra in the house or we’re all out of orange marmalade. When I wake up, first thing I do is check my forehead for a sticky note.”
By the time Riley and Vernon had the tents set up, Emerson had a decent-sized fire started and enough dry wood gathered to keep it going until morning.
Riley sat down next to Emerson. “What are you reading about now?”
“Bear safety. We need to be especially careful through the night.”
“Do you think we’re in danger?” Riley asked.
“Not just from bears. There are other predators out here too. The fire should keep them away. It’s important we take shifts to keep it burning until dawn.”
Riley took the book from Emerson. It was open to a section on what to do in a bear encounter. “It says identify yourself by talking calmly to the bear, and stand your ground.”
“Running is one of the worst things you can do,” Emerson said. “Grizzlies can move at thirty miles per hour, uphill or downhill.”
“And if talking calmly doesn’t work?”
“If a grizzly attacks you, play dead. Get onto your stomach with your hands around the back of your neck. Spread your legs so the bear can’t roll you over too easily.”
“Why on the stomach?” Riley asked.
“Harder for the bear to rip out your intestines.”
Vernon sat down next to them and blew out a raspberry. “I reckon it’s not the bears we need to worry about. These here woods are well-known to be infested with Bigfoots. And let me tell you something. Getting on your stomach and spreading your legs is the last thing you want to do around a Bigfoot.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask,” Riley said.
Vernon nodded his head solemnly and looked a little choked up. “Yep. I was nearly raped by a Bigfoot.”
“You should tell Riley the story,” Emerson said. “After all, it just might save her life.”
“I reckon that could be true,” Vernon said, staring into the fire as if that would conjure up the memory. “When I was just turned twenty, I was out camping with my uncles and their buddies. It was a dark night. No moon at all. Couldn’t see nary a thing that was more than six inches in front of your face. Just like tonight.”
“The sun has barely set,” Riley said. “And it’s a full moon tonight.”
“Even worse,” Vernon said. “Bigfoots are especially ‘active’ during a full moon. Anyways, we’d all retired to bed after a late night of camaraderie, and by that I mean heavy drinking. I was sound asleep when the Bigfoot crashed into my tent and tried to have his way with me. I fought him off, and he kind of staggered away into the night.” Vernon gave a shiver. “I tell you I’m under no illusions what would have happened if I’d just spread my legs and played dead.”
“Thanks, Vernon,” Emerson said. “I think we’re all safer armed with the knowledge of how to properly fend off a Bigfoot attack.”