Damaged and the Outlaw (Damaged #4)

“No. I think you got that bitch’s voice in your head and can’t get it out. I have the same problem with my shithead dad. I know he’s an idiot. I know it, but I hear him sometimes telling me that I’m a loser or a jinx. I hear my mom too. It’s work to keep them quiet.”


“Therapy makes it worse. I mean, I know it’ll help in the long run, but right now, it’s hard. I talk about things in the doctor’s office and I feel safe. Once I leave, I don’t feel safe. The words I said to the shrink follow me. The memories too.”

Tawny glanced at the door then back at me. “I wish Judd was still coming with me to the sessions.”

“Why isn’t he?”

Shrugging, Tawny stared at her hands. “I was doing better, so I said he didn’t have to come. If I ask him to take me again, he’ll think I’m getting worse.”

“Or he’ll be happy to help his woman. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and you’re his heart. He knows you’re hurting and probably doesn’t know what to do for you. If you ask for help, I bet he’ll be relieved.”

“You should be a shrink,” Tawny said, giving me a smile.

“Hell no. I’m too bossy. I would give someone advice, they wouldn’t listen, and I’d freak out on them. Why keep coming to me with the same problems? I already gave you the solution.”

Smiling wider now, Tawny took a deep breath. “I wanted permission to ask him. I hinted with Farah, but she didn’t get it. Like she thought I wanted her to tell me I was doing well, but I’m not. Farah doesn’t like thinking about the past and she avoids dealing with it. When I look miserable, she wants to give me a pep talk and say everything is okay. That works for her, but I’m dealing with the past and pep talks aren’t enough. She’s not ready to deal with it. That’s another thing. If I tell her therapy makes it worse, she won’t go and she needs to go. She needs to try at least.”

“Well, I give you permission to ask Judd for help. He wants you to be happy and feels helpless when you’re not. You’ll be doing him a favor by asking.”

Tawny laughed. “Who am I to say no to such perfect advice?”

“I wouldn’t suggest you do. I’m really bitching about people ignoring my awesome ideas.”

Taking my hand, she walked out of the room where we found Vaughn and Judd playing pool in the dining room. The guys were deep in silent competition, so we admired their hot bodies quietly. Our giggling finally drew their attention.

“Where are we eating?” Vaughn asked, hitting a ball.

“We should eat somewhere that preggos can’t enjoy,” I suggested and Tawny grinned. “I think they can’t eat deli meat, but I don’t want that crap.”

Tawny searched info on her phone then smiled. “Sushi is supposed to be iffy.”

“Barf,” Vaughn said and Judd grimaced.

“We should go to a fish place and share a little sushi to celebrate our powerful birth control.”

Judd smiled at this comment. “Poor Aaron.”

“Screw Aaron,” I grunted. “Lark’s the one carrying two babies.”

Vaughn and Judd looked at each other then burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

“He hooks up with a chick whose birth control is defective and ends up with twins,” Vaughn said, walking to me. “Dumb fuck probably didn’t know what hit him.”

“He gets to spend his life with an amazing person. Fuck you for laughing at his good luck.”

“Don’t go big sis on me, daffodil. One day, I’m knocking you up with twins too. No harm in making double the hot kids.”

“I’m still mad.”

“Wanna make a baby right now?” he whispered in my ear.

“Sushi first.”

“Barf.”

“We’ll see.”

Thirty minutes later, Vaughn proved me wrong. He hated sushi and nearly threw up after trying a bite. Watching him freak-out nearly killed me. I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. Tawny was also in hysterics. Like any good friend would, Judd took a picture of a gagging Vaughn with his phone.

“Sent it to the crew. You’re welcome.”

“Jackass,” Vaughn said, wiping his tongue with a napkin.

Calming my laughter, I stroked his ponytail. “Poor baby. I’ll make it up to you later.”

Vaughn’s horrified expression immediately shifted into a smirk. “Yeah, you will.”

A fish dinner later, we ended up at a honky-tonk outside of Ellsberg with a mechanical bull. Continuing our desire for non-preggo approved activities, Tawny and I took turns riding between our whiskey shots. Mostly, we fell then laughed our asses off.

The nearly empty honky-tonk had only a few regulars around and those guys loved the show. At first, they did anyway. Judd and Vaughn joined the hooting guys at the bar. When I glanced at them, I saw nothing aggressive about their behavior. After turning away to watch Tawny get bucked off, I glanced back and found the other guys leaving. Suddenly, we had the place to ourselves.

“Meow,” I teased Vaughn who flexed his muscles then kissed his guns.

Judd stopped looking ready to kill someone and laughed at his friend. They were comparing their guns when Tawny and I hurried over.

“Let’s compare asses next,” Tawny announced. “Turn around and shake those fuckers!”