Damaged and the Knight (Damaged #2)

Judd moved quickly, cupping my face and kissing me hard. Realizing he wasn’t angry, I wrapped him in my arms and held on tightly, afraid to let go. A few times, Judd pulled his lips away then returned them to mine. Finally, he stepped out my embrace and sighed.

“I can’t say those words, Tawny.”

Nodding, I hugged myself and smiled. “It’s okay. I mean we just met and I’m still really fucked up and stuff.”

A frowning Judd pressed a finger to my lips. “Don’t.”

“It’s okay. I don’t expect you to love me. Farah does because she doesn’t know how not to.”

Judd exhaled hard and looked around. “Do you really think she’d stop if she could?”

Remembering how I betrayed her with Travis, I nodded. “I’ve been a shitty sister, but she’s good enough to love me anyway.”

As Judd stared at me, his walls wavered and I saw so much pain. “Damn, babe, how have you made it this long through life?”

Stepping back, I shrugged. “I just don’t want you to feel bad that you don’t feel like I do.”

Judd sighed. “You read people well, but you’re blind sometimes. I can’t say those words because when I say things like that out loud, I jinx myself.” Rubbing at the back of his neck, he sat on the bed and sighed again. “When I was a kid, I said our mom would never leave and she left a week later. I said that my brother had my back and days later he directed our dad’s rage at me. I say shit out loud and I jinx things. I’m not superstition about ninety nine percent of stuff, but I want to keep you in my life. Maybe I jinxed us already by saying you’re mine, but saying the words you said feels like I’m asking the damn universe to steal you away from me.”

“Steal me away how?” I asked, sitting next o him.

“You’re eighteen and you might think that means nothing, but I was eighteen once. I’m not eighteen now and I know the difference. I worry that even without jinxing us that we have an expiration date. I don’t see us together in five years when you’re stronger and healthier. I see you with someone else and that makes me so fucking crazy that I want to hit every man who gets near you now.”

Taking his hand, I pushed aside all those negative thoughts in my head. Judd needed reassurance, so he could depend on us.

“I never see you the way you see yourself,” I said softly. “You’re my hero. The man who keeps saving me. You make me feel beautiful, special, funny, smart, and most of all, safe. I know about your job and how it’s violent and you aren’t a cuddly guy. I know that, but I also know that with me, you have a soft way about yourself. You’re the light in the darkness for me, Judd. I see you and I feel like I can dig my way out of all the lies I tell myself.”

Judd studied me with his beautiful blue eyes. “You say those ugly things like you only remember the hateful shit people have told you. I wish you saw yourself the way I do. I wish you knew how beautiful and amazing you are. You’re brave too. I know you were scared in the bar with those bikers, plus today when Vaughn got riled up and I was being an asshole. Even afraid, you didn’t run. Babe, you have so much good in you and I think you’ll figure that out one day and dump my ass for someone who doesn’t have to learn to be with you. He’ll just know how to make you happy.”

I nearly laughed at the idea of any man making me feel as good as Judd, let alone better. “I don’t want that guy. When I rage at myself and think ugly lies that I replay over and over in my head, that guy wouldn’t respond like you do. He would back off or push too hard. You are my baby bear. You’re just right for me.”

Judd laughed, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. When he sighed, I saw something lighten in his mood.

“I’d say the words, if I could. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I don’t need the words. I see them in your eyes right now.”

Smiling, Judd watched me for a few minutes, just holding my hand. “I understand why you lied about your age, but my mom should know the truth. You’re right when you said this isn’t a fling, so she’s going to find out eventually. Might as well be today.”

“The reason you want me isn’t because I’m young.”

“I know. I want you despite your age.”

I studied his pouty face then shivered. “There is something incredibly sexy about you when you get all drama llama.” My free hand stroked his thigh. “I still feel you inside me from earlier.”

Scooting away from me, Judd grunted. “Fuck. I’m like a teenage boy with these constant boners.”

I glanced back at the bed we were sitting on. “I’m still so wet from earlier. We could be quick.”

“My mom is in the next room.”

“I’ll cover my mouth.”

Judd laughed deeply then shuddered. “Damn, woman, you make me crazy, but no.”

“Later then,” I whispered. “I’ll show you how my love brings out such qualities as endurance and creativity.”

Judd’s gaze locked on mine and it was blazing hot. For a second, I was sure we were fucking that very moment. I could already imagine him opening me up and making me come. Judd likely imagined it too because he stood up and stepped away.

“No.”