Damaged and the Knight (Damaged #2)

Grabbing a pillow, I held it close to my face. “I’ll buffer the noise.”


Laughing again, Judd started moving and I moaned through my giggles. Our laughter ended after my third orgasm when hours of Judd’s anticipation hit a fever pitch. The way he watched me as he moved closer to climax made me blush. Yet, his expression after he climaxed nearly brought me to tears.

So beautiful and open to me in that moment, Judd showed me a lifetime of disappointment and suffering. I saw a man who lived simply because he didn’t want to die. Yet, in the abyss of sorrow, I witnessed a newly lit glimmer of hope.

After a sexy soapy shower, we sat in the living room across from each other while I shuffled the cards. I still saw hints of what Judd usually hid from the world. With so much of the real man hidden behind his cold exterior now revealed to me, I knew I loved him. I just prayed he could love me one day too.

“What?” he asked, sitting in jeans with his bare feet brushing against mine on the table.

“I’m just happy.”

Judd started to smile, but then something switched off and the hints of the real man were gone. Walls returning, I watched him close himself off from me. Even hurt to lose that warmth in his eyes, I would be patient. He was mine and I would wait for him to be as ready for me as I was for him.

We played three hands before the Chinese food arrived. Watching All of Me on cable while eating, I cuddled next to him on the couch. As soon as the movie was over, he moved back to his side of the table.

“Let’s play strip poker.”

“Not yet, horny boy. I should call Farah first,” I said, reaching for my bag. “She might be worried.”

“You gonna do that girl talk stuff?”

“Gotta give her my report card on your naked talents.”

Judd rolled his eyes, but I saw him grin as I disappeared into the bedroom. On my phone were several messages from Farah and each one sounded more worried. Even unsure how to explain the shift in my relationship with Judd, I dialed her number.

Farah answered on the second ring, sounding like she was occupied. I appreciated how she stopped messing around with Cooper to take my call.

“I’ve been calling you,” she said, panicked and flustered. I suspected the flustered part was related to the sound of Cooper’s lips on her skin.

“I know. It’s been weird and I wasn’t ready to explain.”

“What’s weird? Are you alright? How did your date go? Coop asked around and the neighbors said you weren’t home all night. Where are you?”

“I’m at Judd’s place.”

Silence met me then Farah asked, “Did you sleep over there?”

“Yes. We had sex and it was really good.”

“Are you okay?”

“I didn’t cry. Not during sex anyway, but I got panicky afterwards. I told him what happened,” I said, pausing to gain my courage. “Not everything, but enough. I told him how they watched when the others were hurting us and I told him I was panicked because I felt exposed at my apartment. I felt like all the noise was people trying to get to me. I thought he would think I was crazy or stupid, but he didn’t. He brought me here and he still wanted me. When I started feeling bad or dirty or whatever, he took care of me.”

Farah said nothing for a few long minutes and I knew she didn’t like talking about what happened. She thought if she didn’t talk about it that somehow the memories would fade and disappear. I also thought her dreams of a better life kept her from having to remember so much, but I had nothing to distract me from that week. It was all I remembered some days, but I worried she wouldn’t like me talking about it now.

“He’s your Cooper,” she said finally. “He understands.”

Shuddering with relief, I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “I love him,” I whispered. “I haven’t told him. I don’t think he’s ready for that, but I do love him. He’s mine and I feel different and better and beautiful when I’m with him. I want to feel that way so bad, Farah.”

“I know,” she whispered back and I heard Cooper’s sucking noises stop. I sensed Farah was crying. I was crying a little too.

“I feel ugly a lot,” I told her. “Bad too. You know that, don’t you? How I hate myself most of the time.”

“I do know,” Farah whimpered.

“Not with Judd though. When I start to feel that way, he finds a way to help me. He’s not sure about us though. My age and his job, they make him nervous, but he wants me and I don’t want to let him go.”

“I just don’t understand,” she said, calming herself, probably with Cooper’s help. “You went on that date then ended up with Judd?”

I heard Cooper grunt something then Farah shushed him.