As the hot water covered my head, I thought about how Bailey hated to see me bleed. Her comment surprised me since I figured she’d like my bruises. A girl with a family like hers viewed men as either strong or weak. Weak would never win her heart.
Returning to the cold bedroom, I thought to turn down the air conditioning. Back in the Arkansas trailer, summers were suffocating. As cold as the air felt, I enjoyed knowing I could afford it. I’d rather be cold under the covers than hot over them.
I flipped on the big screen TV then popped a Melatonin into my mouth. The sound remained low like I kept it every night. Sleep was tricky for me on a good night and I knew this night wouldn’t be a better one. Not with Bailey on my mind and the heat of my past against my back.
I downed a dose of cold medicine then half of a cold soda from the mini fridge in my bedroom. Soon, I could barely keep my eyes open. Resting under the blankets in the cold room while the silent TV played an Everyone Loves Raymond rerun, I touched my lips and thought of Bailey.
She was too good for me. While the old Nick knew this for a fact, Dragon demanded the best. Bailey was the hottest girl in town. Hell, she was the hottest girl I’d ever seen and I wanted her. Feeling lonely in the apartment, I considered calling her. The world was too ugly and my body hurt. Feeling like a kid again, I imagined hiding in the closet while nursing a beating.
Never wanting to be that guy ever again, I wished to forget, but the memories were always with me. Rather than relief at knowing Bailey wanted me too, I dozed off thinking how she would figure me out soon enough. The real me. The loser from the trailer park with the scarred back and millions of little scares inside me.
Bailey would see it all and ditch me for a safer, better man. Where the hell would I be then? Would life be easier without such rejection?
If I dreamed that night, I woke without remembering them. The alarm clock rang at five like most mornings. My body didn’t want to move, but I crawled from the bed with Bailey in mind. I needed to get my work and school done, so I could meet her and enjoy a real date.
After downing a few breakfast bars, I showered and headed down to the Harley. Still tired and sore, I hoped a good workout would give me a little energy. I knew this plan was dumb. Every morning, I worked out and ended up dead tired by the evening. I even had to take naps before fights.
The gym was run by a Reaper named Dave. Figuring we were all snitches, he didn’t like having non-club members working out there. After Tucker overruled these concerns, I visited in the morning to avoid the club guys. The Johansson brothers wouldn’t bother me, but the older members liked to tease me. I was a bitch in their eyes and they took every opportunity to remind me.
Knowing I needed to be awake and mobile later, I didn’t work out as long or hard as usual. I still pushed myself though. Here with a Reaper watching me like I was scum, I never showed weakness. While I’d never be one of them, I did have my eye on the princess of the club.
Hours later, Bailey really looked like a princess when I caught sight of her on the quad near our English class. Her blonde hair was lighter after a long sunny summer. She wore a pink halter-top, showing off her new tits. Holding books in front of them, she seemed to be hiding them from view. I never understood why she had to change anything about her body. Despite what I saw in her, I suspected Bailey didn’t feel like the prettiest princess.
Always wearing a frown when unengaged in conversation, Bailey looked pissed until she saw me. Then, she looked nervous. I gave her a grin as I approached and her fear lessened.
“Hey,” I said when she only stared.
“Are we still going out after class?”
Gesturing for her to follow me towards class, I nodded. “Why wouldn’t we?”
“I don’t know. People bail sometimes.”
“I’m not people.”
“No, you’re not,” she said, smiling slightly.
Once we got inside the cooler classroom, I dropped my books on a desk and Bailey followed my lead. We stood there, studying each other.
Even after a year of orbiting her star, I knew very little about Bailey.
I knew she was insecure from her designation as a hang and bang chick. Guys never took her seriously. I always found this fact strange considering how many jerks were knocked on their asses by Bailey or her brothers.
Needing reassurance, Bailey wanted to know where we stood. When I caressed the stray blonde hairs next to her face, Bailey was against me instantly. Her arms wrapped around my waist, needing even more reassurance.
Bailey felt warm snuggled in my arms as I ran my hand down the back of her soft hair. She felt right in a way few things ever felt right for me. More than anything, she felt like mine.
Everyone around us faded away until I could only see Bailey. The old memories threatened to rise up inside me. The smell of my old trailer next to the sweet scent of Bailey made me want to stop touching her. I refused to pollute her with my filthy past.