Like many days, Bailey joined us for lunch and explained to me how smart she was. Normally, I ignored her big mouth, but two words drew my attention. Winnie Todds.
“She’s taking care of Lark which was my idea,” Bailey said, dipping a French fry into an enormous gob of ketchup. “I knew she’d be really good at that. I have a way of knowing what people need. Being perceptive is my new thing.”
As usual, I nodded at everything she said. Nick sat next to her, eating a burger with one hand and caressing her blonde hair with his other.
“Does she like the job?” Nick asked.
“Yeah. Winnie has a gentle way about her and likes taking care of people.”
Nodding again, I thought about Winnie’s shy little smile. I imagined running my fingers through her long brown hair. Her sad hazel eyes broke my heart every time. Winnie was a slice of heaven here on earth and I missed seeing her every day on the worksite like when she’d come by and help her mom.
“Winnie needs a man,” Bailey announced.
Immediately agitated at the idea of Bailey setting up my girl with some asshole, I frowned at her.
“She needs someone gentle though,” Bailey said, staring right at me. “You were gentle with her when Nick’s dad and those fuckers showed up. You got her to give you the knife. Yeah, you might work. Want me to set you two up?”
Yes! I wanted to scream yes, but I didn’t think Winnie was ready to date anyone. She was different when we first met. Shy, but confident in a way she wasn’t these days. First the Devils showed up then Nick’s dad harassed Winnie. Since then, she hid in her house more these days and I rarely saw her. When I did catch a glimpse of her, she barely managed a hello.
If a smile was too much for her to handle, a date would end in disaster.
“I don’t think Winnie should date anyone until she’s feeling stronger,” I muttered.
“Having a guy might help her confidence. I remember how insecure I was before Nick loved me,” Bailey said, smiling at her man. “These days I’m strong. Before Nick, I was a delicate flower.”
We all laughed at the idea of Bailey ever being the least bit delicate. The girl left the womb telling people what to do.
Yet she worked well with Nick. They fit like people sometimes just fit. I’d never seen anyone in my family work that way. My mom and dad had a dozen spouses between them. No one lasted, but I suspected Bailey and Nick would. He knew how to tolerate her big mouth. Bailey always made him smile and I noticed how his shoulders relaxed when she was nearby. People who fit didn’t need to make sense on paper.
I wanted to fit like that with Winnie.
Every night, I drove by Oak Street before going home. The neighborhood was in the most established parts of Ellsberg. Tree lined and quiet, the street was also filled with cars. My SUV wasn’t noticeable in the midst of a block full of vehicles.
Never once did I fool myself into thinking sitting in the darkness and watching Winnie’s house was normal. I didn’t give a shit about normal though. I needed to relax and nothing soothed me after a long day like knowing Winnie was nearby. I rarely saw her except for when she walked to the street to get the mail. Yet even hidden inside the house, she was enough to calm me.
After awhile, I got into the habit of picking up dinner and eating in the SUV. What started with driving past her house soon turned into spending hours in my car. After eating, I’d kick off my shoes, listen to a CD, and study the few photos I had of Winnie on my phone. Whenever stressed about all my new responsibilities, I closed my eyes and imagined Winnie sitting with me. Her beautiful eyes watching me. Her soft lips kissing mine. Her always bruised hands touching my face. I had so many questions. What was she doing? What did she have for dinner? Did she ever think about me? Dreaming about Winnie eased my anxieties until I was chilling in the dark car.
Each night, I struggled to leave. My apartment felt sterile and lonely. Even stuck in the cold SUV, I belonged to Winnie. I remembered how she smiled at me when we first met. How she checked me out while I worked. How she blushed when I caught her checking me out. Before the assholes came to Ellsberg, I was ready to ask her out. Now I was forced to sit in my car and wonder if I’d ever get another chance.
Winnie was special. She made the world better, but she wasn’t mine and I didn’t know if she ever could be. I rarely saw her anymore and life was too stressful without her presence.
In the cold evening, my chest scar throbbed. Sometimes, the healing wound itched like crazy. Holding my hand over the wound eventually warmed it enough to stop the pain.