Ten days later, I walk down the aisle on my dad’s arm as Drew waits to receive me, and I become Cate McKnight. It’s the middle of June and for Charleston, the weather couldn’t be any better. It’s eighty degrees with low humidity, which is actually cool for this time of year. The breeze is gentle, though it wouldn’t really matter because all of our activities are indoors. Neither of us wanted to risk dealing with a chance of thunderstorms.
As soon as I step into the aisle to make my way down to Drew, all I notice is him. Everything else fades away—the people, the beautiful flowers, the wedding party, and even my dad, who has been crying off and on for most of the day. When we get up to Drew, my dad hands me off, and I look into Drew’s crystalline blue eyes as they gleam with happiness. His smile is radiant and I want this picture of him to stay forever in my mind—this perfect image stamped eternally on my soul. His hand is warm as he takes mine and his fingers fold over my shaky ones. He mouths the words I love you, and it takes all I have not to kiss him. Then he mouths, I was wrong about the dress. That gets a giggle out of me. We turn and walk up to the altar. The episcopal priest awaits us to perform the marriage ceremony and I hand off my flowers to Jenna, who flashes me a toothy grin.
It’s funny about moments like this. You think you’d be so aware of every single thing, but the truth is all I can think about is the man standing next to me. The priest talks about the importance of marriage and the closeness of friends and families, but I pray about Drew’s health. I ask God, since we’re in His house, to watch over Drew. I’m not a particularly religious person, though I do believe. But if ever there was goodness born on this Earth, he is standing next to me. And I suppose that’s what worries me the most about his cancer. I know that old saying “only the good die young” is just a saying, but maybe there is some truth in that. Maybe God really does need those good souls back in heaven with Him. But don’t we need them on Earth, too?
My morbid thoughts, thankfully, are interrupted, because it’s time for us to take our wedding vows. We deliberated over writing our own, but we eventually settled on letting the priest use the traditional ones. But Drew surprises me. After I’m done with mine, and he says his, the priest looks at him and nods.
Drew turns to me and says, “Cate, Catelyn, I knew the day I saw you I was finished. You caught me, only you weren’t aware.” He looks down and bites his lip for a beat. Then his head lifts, and his irises lock with mine. My heart feels like the wings of a hummingbird. One hand releases mine and cups my cheek. “Oh, Cate, I hope to give you the world, and I’m going to do my honest to god best. You could’ve run, but you didn’t, which tells me everything. Now I need to tell you everything.” The hand that was on my face grabs my free hand and places it on his chest. “This is yours for as long as there are beats within it. Everything I have is yours. My love, my heart, my soul, and my life, for however short or long it may be.”
I can’t breathe. My face is wet, and the reason I know is he wipes my tears. Then he leans in and whispers, “Breathe, Cate.”
Breathe? I can’t even swallow. Blink. I can blink. So I keep doing it, and he keeps wiping my eyes. Finally, the priest tells him to place the ring on my finger and he says some other things, but his words have collapsed me. I need some time alone with him. Like right now. Why did he do this to me? Here?
The priest announces that we’re Dr. and Mrs. Andrew Standford McKnight and we walk down the aisle. As soon as we get to the back of the church, he pulls me into one of the side rooms. We were going there anyway to hide from the crowd, so we could take more pictures afterward. There is a bathroom in there and I drag him behind me, close and lock the door, and start sobbing.
“Jesus, Cate, I didn’t think.”
I throw myself at him and just cry. I need this moment to purge this out of me. “Just hold me,” I say. My tears run dry and I pull away. “A little warning would’ve been good.”
“I guess so.” He looks chastened. “I’m sorry. I wanted you to know how deeply I feel so I thought … enough said. I love you. You know how I feel. I won’t keep putting my damn foot in my mouth.”
“Drew, everything I have is yours, too. You know that. But your words were so unexpected.”
“I know. And I was wrong about not caring about your dress. You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid these dumb old eyes on.” He kisses me. “I couldn’t believe how stunning you were, standing at the end of the aisle. You are a vision.”
“You think so?”
“Yes! Now let’s get you fixed up again so you don’t look like you’ve been crying. I’m sorry I made you cry, babe.” He sounds so disheartened.
“You can make it up to me.”
“I plan on it.”
My make up bag is in here so I go to work touching up my eyes. It’s not that bad because I’m wearing waterproof everything.
“How do I look?”
“Like a princess.”
I roll my eyes.
“You do. Better than any princess I’ve ever seen. You’re gorgeous, Cate. And best of all, you’re my wife.” He kisses me again.
Someone knocks on the door. “Hey, you okay in there?” It’s Jenna.