The first thing I notice when I step into my apartment is the silence. Usually, I can always hear her tinkering around, even when she isn’t doing anything physically. Her soft singing, the pages of her book turning, or even the humming noises she makes when she’s asleep.
Cat greets me at the door with a deep meow, as usual. We’ve developed some weird friendship. Emmy used to laugh and say that Cat could recognize someone who needed a friend. Oh how right she was. I scratch Cat behind the ears and set off to look for her owner.
“Em?”
Nothing. A flash of apprehension over the situation starts to take over, but I push it aside and keep looking for her. The apartment isn’t huge, but it’s large enough that she might not have heard me.
A few minutes later, I realize that she really isn’t here. After walking into my bedroom, I sit on my bed and think about where the hell she could have gone. She doesn’t have her car because we still haven’t gotten it back from the cabin. I had Greg and Asher swing down and bring it back, knowing that, if I got anywhere near that place, I wouldn’t be leaving until there was blood on the ground. Devon said that we could leave it there as long as we needed, and since he wouldn’t be back for a few weeks, I haven’t been in any kind of rush. I liked having her dependent on me to get places.
With a deep sigh, I lean back and let my head hit the pillow—only to shoot back up when my head hits something besides the pillow.
I reach out with a shaking hand and pick up the note with my name written in Emmy’s flowing handwriting. I don’t want to open it, dreading what could be inside, but if I have any hopes of finding her tonight, this would be where to start.
Dear Maddox,
I used to think that my love for you would be strong enough for both of us. Some sort of weird platform that could hold anything you threw at me—and never break. I know now that I was sadly mistaken.
For as long as I’ve known you, I’ve felt a pull towards you like I’ve never known before. It’s no secret now that I haven’t had the best of beginnings in my life. Even with all of that in my past, I still had faith in love. Maybe I just had rose-colored glasses on. I’m not sure. But I wanted to believe that there was some sort of reward to be had for all the bullshit I had to deal with to get here.
I’m only human, Maddox. I’m not sure how many times it will take of you pushing me away before you start kicking me while I’m down—I bleed just like the rest of us when I fall . . . only when I fall at your hands, it hurts just a little more. I fear that I’m no longer strong enough to stand against your continuous rejection—to stand on the sidelines and watch you willing to fight for everyone one else around us to get their slice of happiness.
One thing I know for sure now is that, as much as I wish it were different, I can’t keep begging you to believe in us. I’m sure that my heart will undoubtedly always belong to you—my dark prince. But until you can see just how worthy your love is, I’m afraid I just don’t have a part in your life.
I want you to know that I’m not running. Not from you and not from my life here. But I can’t be around you. When you’re in the room, I instantly want to run into your arms and beg you to let me all the way in. To let me help you carry some of the baggage, slay the demons—to let me help you heal. So, for right now, I’m going to get a hotel room and fix my head . . . and my heart. I know Cat is in good hands until I can get settled. I’m pretty sure she likes you more than me anyway.
I love you.
I wish you knew how much.
-Em
Her words crash over me, leaving me hollow and alone. I rub my chest, feeling some weird burn taking over my lungs. She can’t just give up. Not my Emmy.
Although, I’m not sure why I even doubt that she could. This is, after all, everything I’ve been working towards for years. I pushed her away and refused the love she so desperately wanted to hand me.
I pace my room, wondering when the hell I’m supposed to stop. I refuse to sit here on my ass when she needs me. She needs me to prove to her that I’m going to let her in. I know that, if I don’t make this next move flawlessly, she will never believe that I’m willing to give it a go.
“Fuck!” I bellow, pulling my arm back and slamming it into the wall. The drywall gives way and I watch my fist sink right through. If anything, it just feeds my mood, makes me want to start destroying everything until I find her.
I’ll fucking turn this town on its ass to find her.