The next morning comes way too quickly, but I wake with a new resolve that it will be a good day. I have to deal with Axel, but I won’t be doing that today. Sundays are usually the day that Dee and I lounge around the house, catching up on our DVR backlog, and spend some time just the two of us. Since our normal ‘Sunday Funday’ was interrupted with the new drama in my life, we rescheduled for today. Dee called into work and we started planning our ‘Monday Funday.’ This time together is important to us, especially with yesterday, so I’m happy to have this time today. We might live together but we stay pretty busy during the week—or at least she does. My work is a more ‘at your own pace’ thing, so I often find myself working at odd hours here and there.
Working from home has its benefits. Well . . . one benefit: solitude.
I feel better by myself, being alone and not worrying about checking my surroundings every two seconds.
I feel safer.
I might have come a long way since Brandon, but a lot of that has to do with my not leaving the house much. And when I do, I never leave alone. I stopped looking over my shoulders and fearing the shadows; I stopped living a life destined for death. I feel like I’m healing.
The first step to my healing was starting this new life. It took a while, but I am finally happy. Happy-ish. My business is growing and my friends are great—both of my friends. I don’t need a million friends to feel like I have accomplished something with my life. I am perfectly content with Dee and Greg. I don’t trust easily—or at all—so this is progress and it works for me.
The first year and a half after Brandon was spent in therapy and getting our life set up, buying the townhome, helping Dee get her new business up and running, and finally starting my own. There really hasn’t been much time for me to just be me. It was a healthy—or maybe a not so healthy—distraction phase. It took me a while to decide that I was okay enough to start living again, and I won’t let Axel’s change that.
So it is time to do what Izzy West does best: distract.
Dee and I spend all day Monday lying around the house and watching old ’80s movies. We turn all the phones off, close the blinds, and just enjoy spending the day together without the world stomping all over us. If Greg tried to call, we didn’t know, and that is just fine with me. I am not ready to deal with his intrusive questions right now.
Tuesday is spent catching up on my work and fielding calls from Greg. I fake work issues and I am able to put him off. I know this won’t work, but once again, I am not ready for him. I don’t completely lie to him; I do have plenty of work I need to get a good head start on. Word is spreading quickly, and I have finally picked up some rather large businesses out of Atlanta. Dee is gone longer than normal on Tuesday. I know she is in the middle of some issues with her branch back in North Carolina. So by the time she gets home, she is too tired to push much from me. Again, that works perfectly for me.
Wednesday is spent running errands around town, cleaning out my closet, and organizing the pantry. I even scrub all three toilets in the house.
By the time Thursday rolls around, I am running out of excuses to beg off Greg and things to keep me distracted. Worse yet, Saturday is looming even closer and closer. Greg seems to be busy enough trying to get the new and improved Corps Security up and running. For once, the timing is working out in my benefit. He calls twice, but when I send them both to voicemail, he must have give up. I should be worried about him going silent on me, but I am too busy trying to keep my panic about Saturday down.
Friday is spent hand mopping the floors and dusting every surface in the whole damn townhome. Dee is working from home today and I am sure she is starting to think I have lost it. I am just sitting down in front of our massive DVD collection to re-alphabetize it—again—when I hear my phone start ringing. I jump up and run off to my room to see if I can ignore Greg’s call again. When I pick up my phone and see “Axel ‘Holt’” calling, I scream and drop it. I run back into the living room and pick my stupid mind-numbing task back up. I hear my phone ring three more times before I’m done. Deciding I need to bring out the big guns in my mission to distract, I set off to find Dee.