I put the last dish in the dishwasher and finish wiping down the counter. The only things I can do now is wait and see if I can convince my head that my heart has been right all along, and then take the leap. The only problem is, I’m just not sure if I can turn off the part of me that keeps thinking he’s better off without me and my many suitcases of emotional baggage.
I spend the rest of the day in my head. I know he’s giving me time to think and take in everything he said, because he hasn’t come out of his office since this morning. One thing I know for sure, if I’m going to do this, I need to let go of my past. That means that I need to finally have that conversation with my parents that I’ve been avoiding since I graduated high school. And I also need to have the one conversation with Izzy that I know might be the hardest one I need to face.
In order to give Beck all of me, I need to let go of the pain two men in my past have caused me. My father and Brandon.
With a new resolve and the clarity to make it happen, I call Izzy and make plans to meet tomorrow for lunch, and then I call my mother, only to leave a message with her staff requesting an appointment. She must have another new housekeeper because when I said my name she didn’t even know who I was. For the first time that I can remember, it doesn’t even hurt that my own parents have wiped my existence from their house.
I feel lighter than I have in years, and it feels liberating. When I look in the mirror and see my eyes shining with life, I feel hopeful that I might be able to face the past and win this time. Knowing that I have a one-man army standing at my back has me convinced that I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel I’ve been trapped in.
Later that night, when Beck finally comes out of the office for dinner, he takes one look at me, and I know he sees the change, because after he looks down at the floor for a few seconds, he looks back into my eyes with the biggest smile plastered on his face.
“Well . . . all right,” he says, giving me a hug just shy of painful.
Yeah, I can do this. For this man who has been fighting for us alone, I’m finally ready to start fighting with him.
CHAPTER 14
Beck
“I didn’t expect to see you actually come into work. I was half tempted to just send these bastards to your house for the meeting today.” Axel’s laughing voice carries all the way down the hall when I walk into the office the next day.
I knew when I came in today that I would have to deal with comments like this; hell, I’ve been gone for almost a month, so they’ve been a long time in coming.
“Very funny. I’m here now, so let’s get started.”
“Where’s Maddox?” Coop asks, coming into the conference room with a box full of donuts. I reach out to take one, but before I grab it he slaps me on the hand like an unruly child. “Mine,” he growls.
“You’re so fucked up.” I laugh. I turn back to the group when they all start laughing. Everyone’s here except Maddox, and I can tell by the look Axel’s giving me that he didn’t know about this. Dammit. “Uh, Maddox isn’t coming because he’s with Dee.”
“Jesus Christ, are you serious? I get it, you wanting to make sure she’s safe. I really do. I can understand you being worried about her, but this is getting ridiculous. You’re gone for weeks, and hey, I can’t get pissed because you’re keeping your cases current and shit gets done, but now you have Maddox babysitting her so you can pop in and say fuck you very much?” When Axel finishes, it takes all my strength to remain in my seat.
Why I thought these assholes would understand, when they haven’t seen shit going on right under their own noses for years is beyond me. Hell, they just see Dee being in the wrong place at the wrong time. They don’t know shit, and it is making me see red.
“You know what? I’m going to let that shit slide because you don’t know the whole story, but if you ever question my actions when it comes to Dee, I won’t hold back when I beat your fucking ass.” I look around and meet all three sets of eyes looking at me in shock. Hell, Coop still has a donut hanging out of his mouth, just looking at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. “Okay, I’m sorry, but just don’t go there.” I finally say after I calm myself down slightly.
“Yeah, I’m sensing that might be a sore subject.” Greg laughs, trying to lighten the mood.
“You think? This douchelord just had a PMS fit, and all you’re saying is it might be a sore subject. Ha! That’s some funny shit.” Coop finishes stuffing his food in his mouth and ignores the rest of us.
“Want to tell me why Maddox is with Dee instead of sitting in on this meeting? The meeting that was supposed to be a brief on all this shit we’ve been investigating for Dee?” Axel’s tone is less angry now and more confused.