“How do you not blame me, Lilly?” I whisper the words into my hand and almost hope that she misses them.
“Blame you for what exactly? Blame you for suffering a terrible loss? Oh, honey, you are just as big a victim here as we are. You lost someone you loved dearly, and no one would ever fault you for how you chose to deal with that. Everyone grieves differently. You did what you could to protect my Sofia even when you didn’t know her, and honey, the only thing that does is make me love you a little more. None of this, what’s happening with you and Meli-Kate, or what happened to your Grace or my Sofia should ever be on your shoulders to bear. Your heart has been in the right place all along; you just didn’t realize it.”
I haven’t had a mother figure in my life for so long, and with everything that’s happened since yesterday, it just becomes too much at that point. Knowing that Melissa’s own mother doesn’t look at me and wish me dead after knowing everything almost makes me feel like I have been forgiven for failing. I, for the first time since I lost Grace, don’t feel the overwhelming sense of guilt.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble before leaning forward and resting my face in my hands. “I’m sorry.” It takes me a second to calm down, but she just sits there and softly brushes my hair while offering me reassuring words. There really is nothing in the world like a mother’s touch, even when that mother isn’t your own.
When I can finally control the whirlwind that is swirling around inside of me, I look up and meet her eyes. She wipes her eyes with one of her towels and smiles sweetly at me. “Greg, if there was ever a doubt in my mind about how big that heart of yours is, you just proved it without question.”
*
I stay with Lilly for a few hours and help her finish up some things around the house. I need to be around her, someone connected to Melissa, but I also need the comfort that she offers. When I leave she pulls me into a hug and wishes me luck.
The last place I want to go was home. I want to drive around Hope Town until I find my girl and carry her home. At this point, I feel like I could keep going until I meet ocean if it meant that I could get my girl in my arms. The need to have her in my arms is overwhelming, but I know Lilly was right. She needs time. So, I will be strong and give it to her.
I have only been home for a few minutes when I hear the front door click open. I instantly mute the TV, and stand from the couch, waiting to see who is coming down the hall. It could be one of the boys but I am praying it will be Melissa.
When she walks into sight, my knees get weak and I almost have to sit down. Even though I can see she is upset, she is still the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.
“Hey,” she offers weakly.
“Beauty,” I whisper, “God, baby.”
CHAPTER 23
Melissa
When I walk in the door, I half expect him to charge me, but when I find him standing in the middle of the living room looking worse than I feel, I can’t help but feel like a world class bitch for disappearing on him. But I needed the time. Time to sort my head and time to make sure that I don’t do or say something I can’t take back. If I would have seen him before, then there really is no telling where we would be right now. I just know it wouldn’t be pretty.
He looks like he has been through the wringer. and didn’t come out the victor. He is standing there in the same clothes he wore to work the day before; his hair is all over the place as if he has ran his hands through it over and over. But it isn’t his clothes or hair that make me pause; it’s his eyes. Those bright baby blues that I have fallen in love with look shattered. His handsome face is pale with a full day’s growth of beard, and his bloodshot eyes have dark circles underneath. My night might have been hard, but something tells me that his has been even worse.
We just stand there for a few minutes, feeling unsure of where we both stand, but when I see a single tear fall down his cheek, I am done with the distance. Dropping my keys and purse to the floor, I take off and rush into his arms.
“I’m sorry, so sorry,” he whispers brokenly into my hair.
“I know.” I do, after letting it all out last night and feeling as though my world had ended. When I woke up this morning, and the pain had faded but the anger hadn’t. I know in my heart that Greg would never intentionally hurt me but it still stings. Out of all the garbage that Mandy had thrown at my feet last night, I know he wouldn’t have said all of that to her. He might have mentioned Simon, in whatever capacity, but he never would have spoken about me . . . about us, like that. It is easier to begin to understand his motivation when I put that past me.