I keep looking into his stunning blue eyes, which are now a beautiful light-navy color, showing me with crystal-clear clarity just how much pain my admission is bringing him.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so damn sorry. I wanted to tell you and I had every intention in telling you, but there never seemed to be a good time.” Even to my own ears, it sounds like shit. I should have told him the second I met him.
“You fucking think?” he yells.
He moves, standing up from the chair with me still locked in his arms, and sets me back down before pacing away from me. Getting as far from me as he can.
“You’ve… Jesus Christ! You’re pregnant with Coop’s baby? No good time,” he mutters, continuing his pacing. “How could you keep this from me, Chelcie? Were you ever really going to tell me?” he shouts.
“Of course I was!” I defend.
“Yeah? When? When I fell for the little games you’ve been playing with my mind? When you went into labor? Shit, how were you going to hide a belly? Because let me tell you, I never would have guessed you’re pregnant now!”
I know he’s hurt. He’s hurt and I did this to him, to us. I stand as straight as I can, trying my best to keep it together and let him have this. Let him get it out. I can only hope that, when he’s done, he can find it in his heart to forgive me.
I just haven’t decided if I deserve his forgiveness.
“I can’t even look at you right now without my anger getting the best of me. This isn’t done, but right now, I need to get the fuck away from you before I say something I’m going to regret.”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak with the tears burning my nose and the lump climbing back up my throat. I’m seconds away from completely falling apart.
He looks at me for a few more seconds before turning on his heels and storming through the front door. I hear it slam, and it’s all I need for my body to give the emotions permission to burst forth.
I crumble to the ground and cry. I cry for everything I’ve stupidly done. I cry for Coop, our baby, Asher, and every single unknown second of my future.
I cry until I have nothing left. It’s only then that I notice the sun that was bright in the sky is now gone and my apartment is pitch black. I don’t even stop to turn on the lights as I make my way down the hall, stripping down to my bra and panties on the way and curling beneath the thick blankets on my bed. I wish that the smooth fabric were the arms I so desperately need to be holding me tight.
Chapter 15 – Asher
“You senseless little fuck,” the voice slurs. “Where is your stupid fucking brother?” it asks again.
I don’t want to open my eyes. I know there is no reasoning with her when she gets like this. I keep praying one day that she just won’t come home. That she will crash her car into a tree, pick up the wrong man for an easy lay, and end up dead like other stupid chicks on the TV. That she might overdose on one of the millions of pills she drops down her throat.
Anything but deal with her when she’s like this. I can’t just leave because Coop needs to finish high school, and with just two years to go before his graduation, I’ll suffer through my egg donor’s shit if it means we can graduate and leave—never looking back.
We’ve had it planned since the day I turned sixteen. We would wait until he finishes high school and then get the hell out of the small town in Texas we’ve grown up in. Get the hell out and make a life for ourselves that we can be proud of.
We’re joining the Marines.
And we’re going to be free of this vile bitch.
Coop’s still small for his age. I started growing and never stopped until I towered over my mother, well over six feet. Coop’s body, having always lacked the right nutrition to help him grow, seems to be taking its time. I could care less if my brother stays scrawny for the rest of his life. Doesn’t matter to me. The one thing that has changed is his timid nature. He’s finally starting to come into his own. And the chicks around town don’t care if he’s not the tallest, bulkiest, or most popular. Coop started channeling his hurt and pain into humor, and the chicks love it.
“Well! Where is that piece of shit?”
Finally having had enough of her shrieking, I peel my eyes open and take her in. I’m sure she was attractive when she was younger. Her eyes, which might have been bright and vibrant blue, are now dull and dirty. Like bathwater after you’re done bathing. Her skin might have been smooth and youthful at one point, but now it has a disgusting gray tint to it. Her arms, stretched out at her sides, show the clearly visible track lines. Her body is nothing but a tiny mass of skin and bones.
Worthless.
Disgusting.
The reason I’ve believed for as long as I can remember that women will do nothing but hurt you.
I fucking hate her.