Asher walks close to me, his feet bumping into mine, he leans down and scoops me up before he sinks his own body into my chair. He then pulls me down onto his lap and arranges my body so that I’m sitting sideways across his strong thighs. Without knowing where to put my hands, I just let them fall to my lap—where I continue to wring my fingers together.
“Talk, Sunshine.” I jump at his demand and feel his arms constrict around me. “I’ve told you before, you have nothing—not one damn thing—to be afraid of when you’re with me. Why do you keep acting like I’m going to hurt you?”
I take a deep, much-needed breath. “Because, Asher… Because you hold the power to crush me, just like I hold the power to do the same to you.”
“The last thing I want is to hurt you in any way,” he argues.
“I know that, and I feel the same way.”
“So what exactly is the problem? I know we have a lot to learn about each other, Chelcie, but you’ve been there for me since Coop died, there when everyone else was getting frustrated because I didn’t know how to let him go. You’ve been there when I needed you the most. There’s plenty of time for us to learn every little thing about each other, but what I already know is enough for me to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you belong to me.” He lightly grabs my chin with his firm hand, turning my head and giving me a sweet kiss against my lips before resting his forehead against mine.
“This is so hard,” I sigh. “So damn hard.”
“So just say it. What is so big that you would rather go out with douchebags than admit that what we have is worth something to you? You melted for me, Chelc. Melted.”
“Give me a second okay? I just need to figure out how to explain everything.”
I weigh my options before I realize that there is no easy way to drop all of this on him. So I just start at the beginning.
“You know about everything that went down with Dee, right? Last year, when she almost died?”
He nods but doesn’t say anything and lets me set the pace.
“I was the one who found her. Did you know that?” He shakes his head, still remaining silent. “That did something to me, Ash. I don’t know how to explain it. Finding her, the one person I’ve had in my life who means so much. A sister without the blood relations. Seeing her that close to death made me panic. I really think that I was in some sort of shock. I don’t know. It doesn’t make what I did right, but when comfort was offered, I took it. One night, one time, but I needed to feel alive. I needed it.” I swallow the growing lump in my throat and look into his eyes, needing to know how he’s going to handle this. “I slept with Coop,” I whisper so lightly that, if it weren’t for his arms around me and my face inches from his own, I don’t think he would have heard me.
His eyes flash and his arms go solid, but he doesn’t speak. I wait, wait for him to say something—anything—for a solid minute.
“You slept with my brother?” he asks.
I can’t tell if he’s upset or just processing it. His tone sounds neutral, but his eyes are telling me another story.
“I did. It’s not something I’m proud of. I used him, Ash. Well, I guess, in a way, we used each other. It happened, and while I can admit it was a mistake, I don’t regret it.”
“You don’t fucking regret it?” he questions, this time not masking his anger.
“I don’t.” I straighten my back and get ready for the toughest part.
“Clear something up for me, Chelcie. While I’ve been thinking we’ve been starting something, have I been some second-place consolation prize for my brother? Because, let me tell you, I’ve been there, done that, and got the fucking T-shirt. That isn’t something I ever want to experience again.”
I frown, trying to make sense of his exclamation. He reaches up and lightly caresses the wrinkle between my brow before he realizes what he’s doing and drops his hand, his face looking confused and…pained.
“I didn’t then nor do I now have feelings like that for your brother. I will always respect and admire his strength and bravery, but as far as any romantic feelings, no. The way I feel about you, that’s all for you.”
“Then please explain to me how you could not regret sleeping with him?”
Here it goes. The moment that could very well rip any chance at a relationship between Asher and me apart—or the one that solidifies the bond we’ve felt tugging us together since day one.
“Almost a month after that one night…maybe closer to a month and a half—I can’t remember. It took me a while to even admit it to myself. To believe that my selfish need to feel alive had succeeded in proving that. In driving it home in one tiny plus sign.”
“I’m not following you here, Chelcie.”
“I’m pregnant, Asher. I’m pregnant with Coop’s baby. He didn’t know because he… Well, he didn’t know because of everything that happened, and before I could tell him, it was too late.”
“What?”