I stand from the chair and my head spins a bit. I’ve sobered considerably and I don’t like it. I want to get so drunk that I can’t remember my name. I don’t want to be able to feel by the end of the night. I want to be numb to the ache in my chest, and numb to every single memory I have of Conner Reed.
Jenna unexpectedly wraps her arms around me. “Stay Nina. Tyler would love to see you. I’ve no idea what went on between you and Reed, but it’s been too long since we’ve seen anything of you.”
“Okay, we’ll stay. I’ll come and find you both,” I tell her
After I use some of the makeup that Sophie never leaves home without, and fix myself up in the bathroom adjoining the office, we head back outside to where the concert is in full swing. Sophie grabs us a couple of drinks from a passing waiter and captures my hand as we make our way out to the balcony that overlooks the stage.
We watch a couple of bands, and then listen as a well-known TV presenter appears on stage, giving a running total of what the day has raised so far and tells us that we’re in for a surprise with the next act that’s about to perform.
My stomach churns and I knock back the third glass of champagne I’ve had since leaving the office we were in.
The whole place falls silent. The lights go out, leaving only the emergency exit signs glowing. The curtain is still covering the stage when the very first notes of a song I know so well starts to play. The whole place erupts as the curtain lifts to the band hidden behind it playing, ‘With You,’ an old hit of one of my all-time favourite bands, Carnage.
Sophie and I scream like we used to as school girls when we heard this song. We lose ourselves in the music for a few seconds. I dance with my eyes closed and my arms in the air. I know every single word and sing at the top of my voice, letting thoughts of the fucked up mess I’ve made of my life disappear.
And then the crowd roars even louder and I swear, I actually feel the building shake.
I open my eyes to see what everyone is reacting to and for the second time in a matter of hours, my heart comes to an abrupt halt.
He’s there.
On stage.
The boy I loved so very long ago, who is now a man. A God. A rock God.
“Conner Reed and Marley Layton both on stage together. My heart can’t take it,” the girl standing next to me, says to no one in particular.
“Oh my God, Neen, look at him.” For some reason, I feel a pang of jealousy in my chest at the thought of these women watching him, wanting him. Thinking that they know him.
“Don’t look at me like you wanna punch me. I meant Marley Layton, not fucking Reed. Although… I’ve gotta say, Neen, watching the pair of them on stage has given me a bit of a clit-on.”
I stare at her blankly for a few seconds. It’s not so much the inappropriateness of my friend’s words, it’s that I have so many emotions swimming through me, along with a fair amount of alcohol that I can’t seem to form words.
“He’s still got it. He’s still fucking hot. I’d totally do him, even if he is fifty.” I smile and shake my head at Sophie as she moves to the music. “Reed looks good too though, you’ve gotta admit it, Neen.”
I look back down on the stage. He does look good. He looks like he’s doing what he was born to do and an immense feeling of pride washes through me.
No wonder he was feeling nervous about performing. Marley Layton was his absolute hero when we were younger, and Carnage, the band Marley was in, was our favourite. We’d been to see them together a couple of times and now, here he was, living his dream up on stage with his idol.
My heart’s racing as the song comes to an end. The crowd quiets as Marley addresses them, thanking everyone for coming and all that had been involved in making the event happen. He then thanks, Conner and Gunner Vance, Shift’s drummer for performing with him and then he moves to Conner’s spot, while Conner moves to the front of the stage.
“People,” he shouts into the mic. The crowd goes wild.
“This is a little song that I think you all might know. This is a song I wrote about someone very special to me.” My stomach breakdances around my belly and my heart feels like a hand has punched through my chest and is squeezing it tight. I can’t stand here and listen to this. If he’s going to dedicate a song to his girlfriend, I have to leave, I need to leave. But I don’t. I stand gripping the ledge that travels along the edge of the balcony and wait for his words to flay me.
“This is for you, Nina, and no matter what, you’ll always be my Amoeba.”
“Fuck. Me.” Sophie says from beside me.
The crowd erupts again as the band rocks out to, ‘Where I Are.’
“Holy fucking shit,” are the words that come out of my mouth, while my brain digests the lyrics of the song being sung by the man that has owned my heart for so long.
It's moments like these when I stare at the stars, when I look at the moon and wonder where you are.
Do you like the same things, and do you ever think of me?
Do you ever think of me, and wonder what could've been?
Do you ever look at the stars and think of me?
Do you ever think of me, and wonder where I are?
Where I are.