“I’ve never heard of them, what are they like?” That seemed like a nicer way of saying she’d always thought an ant was an ant was an ant.
“Don’t ask,” Hudson interrupted, his face an exaggerated mask of disgust. “They are gross.”
Felicia turned to her fiancé with a teasing gasp. “How can you hate on the ant that brought us together?”
“Easily.” He gave a mock shudder.
And that’s pretty much how lunch went. She chatted with all of the various Hartigan members and those like herself who’d been brought into the fold, including the guy Fallon had brought, Kyle. He worked out of the same precinct as Ford but was still in uniform. When she’d asked how he’d met Fallon, he responded with a shrug of his shoulders and made a comment about cops and nurses always seeming to end up together.
“I know, he’s an ass,” Fallon told her later while they were watching the Ice Knights get killed in the second period. “But his dick is magnificent.”
Gina almost choked on her bite of fried chicken. “You can’t say that. Someone might hear.” She looked around, but everyone’s attention was glued to the TV.
“They’ll live.” Fallon shrugged and took a bite of her drumstick. “Trust me, with Frankie here, they have definitely heard worse.”
That was probably true. Frankie seemed to have been born without a filter and, as he liked to put it, a humble bone in his body. The man was a certified mess, but a fun one. Looking around at the Hartigan clan, who’d made her feel right at home, Gina realized that Ford wasn’t anywhere around. And that’s when she got a gloriously delicious idea that involved his magnificent dick and a quickie in the farthest-away room with a lock. All she had to do was find him.
“I’ll be right back,” she told Fallon, figuring the kitchen was the likeliest spot. “I’m gonna go get some more water.”
Mind made up, she walked out of the crowded living room, more than ready to keep looking until she found him. She didn’t have to look far. Ford was in the kitchen with Kyle. They both had their backs to her as they loaded up their plates with more food.
Found ya. She was about to say something when Kyle spoke first.
“I thought the shit assignment you got to shadow the Luca girl for intel on her brothers was over?”
“Shut your mouth, Carlin,” Ford said. “We don’t discuss business outside the squad room.”
Gina froze, trying to make sense of the words.
“And man, I thought Gallo had been exaggerating about how she looked, but he was most def not,” Kyle went on, his back to her as he poured gravy over his mashed potatoes. “Bruh, you have taken one for the entire squad. You should be getting hazard pay.”
The water glass almost slipped from her hand as realization set in. Shadowing her because of her brothers? She’d been an idiot. Again. He hadn’t wanted her. He’d wanted to nail her brothers. All of the little questions about her family he’d peppered her with and the way he’d worked the room at her grandmother’s party, it hadn’t been because he wanted to get to know her, because he was falling for her like she had fallen for him. It had been because he was working a case.
“Yeah, he should be getting hazard pay.” She barely recognizing the ragged voice as her own. “There has to be a regulation for it somewhere, I’m sure.”
Both men turned, but she didn’t bother to look at Kyle. He wasn’t the one who mattered here. Ford was. And he looked as guilty as a kid caught with an empty ice cream container and a mouth smeared with Cookies ’N Cream.
Trust me, he’d said, I see you.
She had.
Now she was done.
Inhaling a deep breath, she turned and walked out of the kitchen. The world may have finally dropped open underneath her, but she hadn’t fallen into the hole and she wasn’t about to act as if she’d been raised without manners—even if she’d been raised by criminals.
“Gina,” Ford called out. “Please, wait.”
Refusing to stop, she kept going into the living room. Kate and Fallon took one look at her and their faces darkened with concern.
“What happened?” Fallon asked, rushing over.
Kate reached out to her. “Honey, are you okay?”
Not in the least. All the time she’d spent with Ford had been a fantasy, a fairy tale. But instead of getting a happy ending, she felt like her entire insides had been scooped out and she was just a hallow shell standing in the Hartigan’s living room.
“I will be just fine,” she said, her voice so much steadier than her legs felt at the moment. “Thank you very much for everything, but I have to go.”
Not waiting for a response, because this empty feeling wouldn’t last forever and that meant her emotions were a ticking time bomb, she turned and started toward the door.
Ford stood in front of the door, all the color washed from his face. “Gina, please hear me out.”
Isn’t that what she did last time after overhearing the badge bunnies in the bathroom? She’d known they were right, that he couldn’t really be that into her, but she hadn’t wanted them to be. So she’d listened to him. And there’d been other times when that itchy feeling at the back of her neck had warned her that this wasn’t going to work out like she wanted. She’d ignored it. Listened to him instead.
After everything she’d been through, all the humiliations and embarrassments, she would have thought she had a super sense about it by now.
“Did Kyle lie about me being a job?” she asked, half-wanting to hear him deny it.
Ford opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
“Not fast enough on the cover story this time, huh? You probably should have held onto that gem of ‘I see you’ for another girl.” Pain. It was everywhere. Her chest. Her throat. Her eyes. Her stomach. They all ached like she’d been hit by a truck. The need to get out of the Hartigans’ house went from a need to a life-or-death necessity. She pressed through the bone-deep ache and walked to the door, stopping right in front of Ford, and looked him in the eye. “But believe me, now I see you, too. Please move.”
He opened his mouth as if to argue, but he must have seen in her face that she wasn’t going to listen. He stepped aside.
She walked out of the house without looking back, using all of her concentration to put one foot in front of the other until she got to the end of the block, where she called an Uber and wondered just how far away the driver would take her if she begged.
…
All of Ford’s policing skills left him the moment Gina walked out of the house, because he couldn’t detect his way out of a paper bag. First, he hesitated in the doorway, the click of her shutting it echoing in his skull, staring at it as if she was going to come back if he just stared at it long enough. When realization finally dawned, he yanked the door open with enough force that it bounced off the wall and shook the family photos lining the entryway and took off down the street. He had a fifty-fifty chance of picking the right direction and, of course, went the wrong way, correcting his mistake just in time to see Gina get in the back of a car with an Uber sticker and drive off.
You know where she’s going. You can just go home and—
But the Victorian wasn’t his home. It never had been. It was just the place that had felt like it because she was there. He forced his feet to work, to move one in front of the other, and get him back to his parents’ house so he could figure out his next move—because he had no idea what to do next.
If he could just talk to her…but that wasn’t his way. It never had been.
He didn’t charm. He didn’t emote. He followed rules and standard operating procedures. If there was a guidebook for what to do after fucking up this bad, he hadn’t read it.
Fallon was waiting for him, her hands planted on her hips, when he walked through the front door. Kyle stood just behind her. It took everything Ford had not to punch the douchebag just for the satisfaction of watching him go down. That wasn’t going to happen, though, because his mom was standing right beside the loud-mouthed dick. Faith and Finian stood right behind her, glowering at him.