I place a gentle kiss to her forehead, then stand up, and cross the room where I grab a clean shirt and pair of boxers for her to change into. Her clothes are a disaster, and she’s tired.
“Change into these and take a nap,” I say and move to head out of the room, but she clears her throat and stands from the bed, so I pause in case she has something to say. She folds her arms over her chest and narrows her eyes. Oh, she has something to say all right, and I’m probably not going to like it.
“You know, if you want me to stop being interested in you, then you really should stop kissing me.”
When I leave the room, I mentally kick myself in the ass for kissing her to begin with. I hate when people give bullshit excuses like how they couldn’t help themselves, but fuck if I could stop myself from kissing her that night. Everything was so fucked-up and so right at the same time. She was just there, and she’s Mindy, and I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want her, so I kissed her. I didn’t even get to taste her the way I wanted to, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I can’t subject her to a life with me, not really anyway.
The front door shuts behind me, and it’s so quiet yet so loud at the same time. Standing on the front porch, I lower my head and close my eyes. One deep breath and then two and three, and it’s not enough to calm my heart from beating out of my chest.
I loved Mindy yesterday and the day before that and the month before that. I even thought I loved her the first time she pressed her cheek into my palm on top of that playground structure. I thought I loved her a thousand times on a hundred days. And I was wrong every single time.
If I thought what I felt then was love, I have no fucking clue what I’m feeling now. Every inch of my body hurts even though I’m not injured. My brain is running a million miles a minute with racing thoughts of how much I love her, of how desperate I am to have her and protect her. Nothing will ever be the same after this moment. I’ve never been in love, didn’t even know I was capable of it. I’ve liked women before, been amused by them, but never have I wanted them as fiercely as I want Mindy.
Loving Mindy isn’t something I’m prepared for. I don’t know if you can ever be prepared for this. I love Ma, I love Pop, and I love Ryan. I even love Alex and Michael, but it’s different with each of them. I want them in my life, and I want them safe and happy. But I’m selfish with them, and I’m okay with that. I don’t really care too much if I’m difficult with them, or if I’m not good enough for them because they’re my family.
Everything is different with Mindy.
I’m different with Mindy.
I leave the cabin in her Acura and drive into town. Before I know it, I’m parking the car and getting out. The For Sale sign hangs in the window of the still-empty space that used to be Universal Grounds. I’ve been by here more times than I can count since it happened, but this is only the second time I’ve stopped. Mindy might be getting better, but I’m not. The more I feel for her, the harder it is not to torch this fucking building. I’m not one of those people who gets over shit that goes wrong in life. I work it out in my head, make a plan, and then take out the offending party. It’s really that simple. The people I can’t find or deal with immediately are on a mental list, and I don’t fucking give out pardons.
But I can’t kill the men who hurt Mindy. I can’t kill them because they’re already dead. Duke killed the fucker who tried to choke Mindy to death with his dick. Holly took the other one out with a fucking brick to the guy’s face. He was so fucked-up by the time we got there, I have no idea what he looked like before she got started on him. The other one, though. I remember his face as he lay dying on the floor, just feet from my girl. I’ll always remember the face of that sick fuck.