“Not a gift you meant to give, but her life is because of you.” Holly tries to shush him, afraid he’s upsetting me. He’s not. Not in the way she thinks. I spare a glance at Ian to find a scowl on his face that I can’t really identify. Maybe he’s remembering that night like I am. Maybe he’s not as unaffected by it as I think. Having to listen to everything Holly was telling him must have been difficult. I know it was difficult for her to say it. A regretful weight settles in my belly at the thought. Ian’s a human being just as much as the rest of us. Of course it hurt him as well.
God, this is all so fucked-up. I get hurt because those sick bastards think I’m someone else and I can’t even bring myself to be angry with Nic for asking me to cover for her that night. She would have lost her baby. It’s a high price to pay for someone else’s kid, but I know what Grady’s saying. It’s not okay, but in a sense it is. I can feel it in every fiber of my being as I stare at Robin’s sleeping face. I know what her mother went through. I know how miserable she was. Duke gave her Robin, and Robin gave her something to fight for. I don’t know that she would have gotten over losing Robin, and I bet her guilt over the entire situation weighs on her. I know it would weigh on me worse than it does now. I would hate to be in her shoes.
“Better me than you,” I whisper to Robin. And I mean it. For the first time since it happened, I feel a sense of acceptance wash over me.
Chapter 6
It didn’t take long for Robin to wake up once she was in Grady’s arms, and when she did, she woke up screaming bloody murder. Grady just shook his head and passed Robin off to Holly while Nic pulled out a bottle and handed it over. There was a minute there where Holly struggled with how to tip the bottle just right to get Robin to eat, but when Grady wrapped his arms around Holly and showed her how to do it, Robin calmed down immediately. It was cute and kept my even mood going, something that’s not easy these days. I’m relaxed—at least as relaxed as I can get—for what feels like the first time in months. It probably is the first time in months.
Halfway through her bottle, Robin stops eating and starts wailing again. On tired feet, Nic stumbles over to Holly and takes the baby in her arms, walking off without a word. I stare in confusion at the abandoned bottle in Holly’s hands.
“Kid prefers the tit,” Duke says through a yawn and then stands. He fixes his eyes on Grady and then over Grady’s shoulder to Ian. “We ready?”
Grady gives a grunt and grabs ahold of Holly’s butt. With lustful eyes, he says, “Hope Minds doesn’t mind, but when I get home I’m going to fuck you so hard you’re going to wake the neighbors with your screaming.”
My jaw hits the floor, and I cover my face. I so didn’t expect this when Holly invited me to stay the night. I bet if I look at her, she’s going to be bright red and quietly chastising his crudeness. “I mind, I mind,” I chant.
Her voice is breathy but demanding as she says, “Don’t be late, or I’m starting without you.”
Oh dear God. I retract everything I just thought about Grady being good for her. I’m not a prude, but holy cow, that’s the last visual I need. Ever.
I search the room for something else to focus on—anything else to focus on—and my eyes land uncomfortably on Ian. His deep, thoughtful, maybe even angry expression has been redirected to me. His gaze feels weighty, important. I can’t look away even though I want to. His head is tipped slightly forward with his chin down and his wavy light brown hair falling in his face. He’s gorgeous and dark and just everything I want to be in a position to want. I’m not, though—in any position to want him, I mean—and that frustrates me. It makes me want to try harder to get better, to push myself to be better now. Fake it ’til you make it, I guess.
Eventually, though, the staring becomes too much. I clear my throat, tear my eyes away from Ian’s, and head in the direction Nic went. I don’t miss the searing kiss Grady gives Holly or the low hum of his voice as he says, “Lose your pills, baby. I’m ready.”
My heart flutters right out of my chest as I turn the corner and head into the guest bedroom I tossed my stuff in earlier. Apparently Grady can be as romantic as Holly swears he is. And here I thought she had totally lowered her standards to be with him. Not that I’m one to pass judgment. If only she knew how I feel about Ian . . .
The door to the guest room is mostly closed now, though I left it fully open earlier. I slow my gait and notice Nic’s feeding Robin in the armed chair in the corner of the room. Her eyes lift to mine, and she gives me a soft smile.
“Should I leave?”