“Hey Sam, I’m sorry mama.” He said affectionately and wrapped his arms around her. Sam closed her eyes as she hugged him back.
“Thank you, Pete.” She pulled back slightly and pressed her hand to his heavily tattooed arm. “Thank you for being such a good friend to Jake.” She smiled through her tears. “I think I’m going to come visit you at the shop.”
Pete’s eyes widened and he smiled sadly. “Your brother always joked about the day you’d give in and get inked.”
“I’m sure he did.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I never had a reason for a tattoo until now and since he can’t do it, might as well have his right hand do it.” She said softly.
“I’d be happy too.” Pete said before giving her hand, one final squeeze and making his way to Cara. Sam lifted her gaze and her eyes fell upon Nick. His mouth was in a tight line and even though his eyes were shielded by dark sunglasses, she could feel him staring at her.
Nick, Luke and the rest of the pallbearers lifted Jake’s coffin up the steps of the church, the family following behind. When they reached the entrance the priest greeted them. Sam stood behind her parents watching as they hugged the man who had baptized each of their children. Joe turned around and reached for Cara. He took her hand and pulled her beside him.
As the church filled with the sweet sounds of Amazing Grace. Father Gallo led Jake’s journey to the altar. Joe walked behind his son’s coffin, with his wife on one side and the woman who would’ve been his daughter-in-law on the other. The altar was covered in beautiful flowers and in front there was an easel with Jake’s picture on it. Sam took her seat in the first pew beside Cara. Luke, Leah and Nick filled the rest of the pew. The choir continued their song as the church filled.
Once the song was finished the bells outside of the church sounded, while Father Gallo blessed Jake’s casket with holy water. Anxiety arose inside of Sam as her fingers clutched the folded piece of paper containing the eulogy she had prepared for her brother. Listening to the priest talk about Jake as a kid and how well he knew the family, made Sam question everything she had written on the piece of paper. Her emotions were getting the best of her and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to follow through with it.
Then her Aunt Joanne took the podium and launched into reading a passage from the bible, she knew her turn to speak would be next. Her palms began to sweat and she wiped them along the hem of her A-line dress. Her hands were trembling and she couldn’t will them to keep still. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down. She felt a strong hand firmly hold her shaking one. She opened her eyes and looked down at Nick’s hand over hers, stopping her hand from shaking. When she looked at him, he was staring straight ahead, his attention on Aunt Joanne and not her.
She wondered if it would always be like that between them. It was as if they had an unspoken agreement that when she needed him, he’d find a way to be there for her, to take care of her. She wished things were different and he could be the man she needed him to be, the man she could be able to trust because no one quite knew how she operated better than he.
Aunt Joanne finished the reading, and stepped down from the altar. There was a brief silence before Father Gallo spoke.
“At this time, I believe Jake’s sister Samantha would like to say a few words.” The priest said as he turned his gaze towards her. He smiled somberly before taking his seat behind the altar. Sam drew in a deep breath as she gripped the paper that had the words she had written the night before on it. She could hear Jake’s voice in the back of her head, telling her she didn’t have to go through with it. She stood up and began to walk towards the podium, regretting she wore heels because she feared her nerves would cause her to fall in the shoes she was already wobbling unsteadily on.
She stood in front of the podium and stared at the sea of people that filled the church. Her eyes settled on Jake’s coffin and the reality of the situation sunk into her. She wasn’t about to say some ordinary speech, she was about to say goodbye to her brother. She bit her lower lip as she unfolded the piece of paper and stared down at her words. They didn’t seem adequate anymore, but nothing really would suffice would it?
“I had prepared a few words to say to you all. Words that described my brother and the type of man he was. Words that would take you on a journey of memories I shared with Jake.” She paused, trying to figure what to say next. She looked at the people in the first row of the church. Her parents clung to one another as they listened to her. Cara sat with her sunglasses on, wiping at the tears that would not stop falling. Her brother, Luke, whose leg was shaking and she knew that could only mean he was about to flee. Lastly, her eyes settled on Nick as he stared up at her.