"We're gonna out to eat. Don't be a bitch."
Spinning around, I glare at him. "Don't you F U C K I N G call me a B I T C H, you S T U P I D A S S H O L E."
Smiling, Pax leans in close enough for me to feel his warm breath on my skin. "I can't spell for shit, so I have no idea what you just told me."
My rage makes me shake. Sensing my anger, Lula wants to cry. I set her on the couch and turn on cartoons.
"Wait here while I talk to Pax outside. I'll be right back, and we'll have breakfast."
Lula watches me shove Pax out the back door and onto the deck. I shiver at the late autumn weather then smack his arm.
"You F U C K I N G suck."
"What is your problem? And feel free to stop spelling so I can figure out what you're bitching about."
I want to punch him, but I don't because he's Pax. I can never tell if he's really so dumb that he doesn't even know he's dumb. If he's that stupid, I don't feel good about messing with him.
"We're not staying here."
"Why?" he says, crossing his arms over the strong chest I used to fantasize about. "It's nice here. Look at this fenced yard. A kid could have fun out here. Get a swing set and shit. I'd have killed to have that as a kid."
"Me too, but that's the point. She won't have it. You'll have it. And what happens when you stop doing whatever you're doing now?"
Deciding I don't care if he doesn't know he's stupid, I shove him without much effort. Sitting on the deck's steps, I mutter, "You're messing with my kid's head."
Pax sits next to me. "I'm trying to be nice."
"No, you want something."
"To fuck you. No biggie."
Rolling my eyes, I shove my elbow into his gut. He grins at my lame attempt to hurt him.
"I could explain, but you'd have to fucking promise not to tell anyone."
Glancing sideways at him, I realize he's serious. "Okay."
"Pinkie promise this mutherfucker."
"Stop cussing so much," I say, even while linking my pinkie with his.
"I like cussing."
"Me too, but I don't want Lula cussing."
"You worry too much."
Sighing, I shiver again from the cold. "So what's your big secret?"
Pax gets up and opens the door. He tells Lula we're almost done then shuts the door and returns.
"Here," he says, handing me his jacket.
"Thanks, but you ought to wear a hat over your damp hair."
Pax grins at my concern but doesn't go back inside. Instead, he sits next to me again.
I slide into his jacket then frown. "Spill your guts."
"I'm lonely."
"B U L L S H I T."
"Girl, I seriously can't spell for shit. Every time you spell something, it's gibberish to me."
"I don't believe you're lonely."
"It's true. Ford ditched me. Now, he vacations with his new family, and they didn't even invite crazy Uncle Pax along."
"Did you want to go?"
"No, but they should have asked," he says, nearly pouting.
"Wait, I thought Shay asked."
"She doesn't count."
Struggling against the urge to laugh at him, I only nod. "You're like a little boy."
"You mean adorable?"
"No, stupid."
"And adorable."
"You're a little adorable, yes."
Pax scoots closer to me, and I pretend he's just cold. Thinking of him wanting to be closer for any other reason makes me too nervous.
"Last night, I thought of you being in that dollhouse with all those hookers and their kids and Darby. Then I thought of me being all alone here, and I figured I would take advantage of your situation to get what I wanted."
Frowning at his honesty, I hope he'll keep telling the truth. "What happens when you're not lonely anymore?"
"Ford ain't ditching Shay. He's talking marriage and baby carriages now. Well, Shay's talking about that and he nods, but it's the same thing. He isn't coming back."
"But you bring women here."
"I'll keep the fucking quiet. Ball gag them, if necessary. Or take the loud ones somewhere else. Bathroom stalls are handy."
I roll my eyes. "Not that you aren't charming with all the ball gag talk, but I still don't think we should stay here."
"Your kid would have a nice place to call home. I even have a lady who cleans and a guy who mows."
"I know it's nice. That's the problem."
Annoyed, Pax frowns at me with his pale blue eyes. "You're making as much sense as when you spell at me."
"Let's say you do what you say and she gets a pretty little girl room. How could I not want that for her? I never had my own room, and I never lived in a house like this one. I want that for Lula, but what happens when you find some woman or you get sick of us being around? It's not like I can move her somewhere nice. She'll lose everything, and I'll have to see all that disappointment on her little face."
Crying now, I know there's no stopping the tears. "Those fuckers made my baby drink beer. When I tried to stop them, they hit me in front of her. I act like I'm better than my mom because I don't hook for money, but my little girl is growing up knowing the same kind of fear and poverty as I did. I suck as a mom."