How the hell am I supposed to respond to something like that? So much of what he said doesn’t even make sense. He allowed men to rape Erica? No way. He and Erica are close. There has to be more to that story, and as much as I want to run to avoid any further discussion, I need the answers more.
"Leo, wait. Just give me a minute. That was a lot for me to process. I’m going to need you to explain a little more about the part where you allowed Erica to be raped," I call out, and he blows out a relieved breath.
"Anything." He takes step toward me, but I immediately back away. I can’t let Leo touch me—not until I get some answers.
"So start talking," I urge.
"Yeah, so, about five years ago, I was hand-chosen for an undercover position in the DEA. The dark complexion and Spanish really came in handy. For ten months, I worked as the right-hand man to one of the biggest drug dealers in Miami. One night, everything got shot to shit. Literally. My boss flipped on his family and merged with another crime family—one that did not trust me. I didn’t know Erica before that night. She was just an innocent witness in all of it. They kidnapped her and I was tasked to kill her."
"Holy shit," I cuss. Leo is either telling the truth or he’s a hardcore pathological liar. This isn’t your everyday type of drama. However, the anguish on his face makes it easy to believe him.
"I never would have let that happen to her," he rushes out to clarify. "Under new leadership, my weapon was taken from me. I knew if I didn’t play along, they would kill me—and ultimately Erica too if I wasn’t there to protect her. When it was my turn"—he pauses and nods, not willing to say the words—"I convinced them that she might fight back, so they momentarily returned my gun. I ended up killing three men and wounding another to get the two of us out of there."
"Oh my God!" I throw my hands over my face as my heart dips in my chest.
"Sarah, listen to me. I don’t feel a single ounce of remorse for killing them. They were bad fucking men. They deserved far worse than just death. There are a lot of things I have done wrong, but that is not one of them."
I take in a deep breath and try to picture Leo as a cop, defending an innocent woman. And as a vision of him swooping in and saving the day flashes behind my eyes, I begin to relax. It’s easy to imagine Leo doing that. Truth be told, Leo always makes things right.
"Leo, that’s a far cry from ‘allowing Erica to be raped.’"
"I was there. I could have stopped it. End of story."
I nod knowing there is no talking him out of feeling that way. It would be wrong of me to even try. Telling people that they shouldn’t feel guilty about something is useless. It’s showing them that they aren’t defined by those actions that usually gets them to come around. At least that’s the way it worked for me.
"So you heard me speak that day. It triggered something for you. Then what?"
"Erica and Slate dragged me to a doctor. They tried to put me on anti-depressants, but I refused and agreed to start seeing someone several times a week and going to group therapy with Johnson."
"Were you seeking me out after that?"
"Absolutely not. It was pure coincidence when we ran into each other. I didn’t recognize you until you started talking and I heard your accent. You looked a lot different a few months back."
"So once you did recognize me…is that why you asked me out?"
"I want to say no. I’ve told everyone else no, but if you want total honesty, I’m not sure." He lets out a loud sigh and runs a hand through his hair.
"Great. I never thought my mental history would be an alluring quality for a man, so you’ll have to forgive me for trying to figure out how the hell this isn’t just another sick obsession for you." I quickly clarify with, "Your words. Not mine."
"Please, God, tell me you don’t believe that. Have I ever once made you feel that way? This is not an obsession. Well, maybe it is, but really isn’t that all love ever is?" He takes a step forward, and I once again retreat.
"Leo, we shouldn’t be together," I rush out even though my mind is screaming otherwise.
"Why the hell not? We were fucking perfect together. Nothing has changed."
Suddenly, my pulse begins to quicken and I have an overwhelming urge to spew everything I’ve wanted to tell him since day one. However, I do it selfishly because I know deep down he’ll make it all right. Leo makes everything right—even something as fucked up as me.
"Because I’m shit for a person!" I scream manically then start pacing. "I’m the worst fucking kind, because I actually think I’m reformed. I hurt people, Leo. I ruined lives."
"Who, Sarah? Whose life did you ruin? Because from where I’m standing, everyone made it out of that tragedy okay. I get that you didn’t make it out unscathed. You have issues besides loss and guilt, but damn it, Sarah, you’re not crazy! You struggled and then you overcame. Focus on the right fucking part of this scenario. You didn’t kill anyone—and that includes yourself." He pauses. "God damn it. You saved me!" he roars.