It was hateful of me, I knew it. I looked over at my brothers. Dragon and Crusher, the two men who had been my only family since the time I was fifteen. We grew up in hell together. We knew more about each other than any one person should ever know about the other. I’d die for each of the men sitting in front of me. I would eat a mother fucking bullet for them and not blink an eye. Still, I didn’t want them here. I looked around the cold little 12x12 room. It’s barren and devoid of color. That’s how it’s meant to be though. Because from the day that door slammed behind me, there has been no color. Five hundred sixty four days and every day grew darker. Thirteen thousand five hundred thirty six hours…I glance at the clock high up on the wall…six hours, and twenty odd minutes, since my life became this hell.
The silver of the table matches the cold silver clasped around my wrists. Fucking guards keep these on me lately. It’s just another way of poking the bear. Another way to mock and belittle and get to me, I don’t let that shit show, but I know its working. Deep down inside, I feel another layer of respect torn away. I’ve fought hard to get that shit. It took years to make a life I was fucking proud of and I did it. It took one act to destroy it and hell the fucked up truth of it all was I’d do it again. Maybe I was the moron the guards liked to call me.
“You knew we’d be here just like always.” Crusher says looking his normal cocky self. I was like that once wasn’t I? I thought nothing could touch me too. I was wrong, so fucking wrong.
“How ya’ doin’ brother?” Dragon asks.
My eyes move over to him. He wasn’t a pretty mother fucker that was for sure. Big, dark, scarred and hard as nails, that was Dragon. He looked a little different today though. Dragon was a self contained time bomb, wrapped so fucking tight that the brothers and I would take bets on what would happen when he finally blew. The Dragon before me now looked relaxed and at ease.
“Fucking laugh a minute here Drag. Since you fuckers made the trek here, maybe you can tell me why?”
“Been hearing shit and I can’t help but wonder why you haven’t reached out to us Dancer.”
“Not a fucking thing you can do Drag, some things are out of your hands.”
“Not fucking likely Dancer and don’t pull this shit again.” Dragon responds.
I know he thinks he can help, but he has no idea the fucked up shit that goes on behind these doors. I can’t allow myself to get my hopes up that anything my boy does will change things. Chances are if he does anything it will just make things worse—a fuck of a lot worse.
“Let it go Drag. I know you want to help, but some things you can’t do and chances are you’ll end up making it worse.”
“Dancer man…” Dragon growled raking his hand over his hair in frustration. I knew this was killing him. If he really knew what was going on with me…fuck. I can’t think about that anyway, because no one will know what happened here. If I ever see the light of day, I plan on drinking it out of my memory.
“What’s up with you anyway? You seem different?” I ask mostly to change the subject but also because part of me wanted to know what the fuck was up.
Crush laughs his cocky little snort of a laugh and I watch as Dragon smiles. He fucking smiled. What the hell? I’d known Dragon more years than I could count and I can’t ever remember the son of a bitch smiling.
“Boss man has a woman.” Crush said stretched out and grinning like a damn Cheshire cat towards Dragon.
“Fuck off.” Dragon says shaking his head.
“Dragon always has women.” I reply and it was the truth. Women flocked to the bastard.
“Not like this one Dancer, man. This one is special. She has all his shit tied up.”
Dragon didn’t even argue. Holy hell!
“You’ll meet her soon Dancer. Eagle is working on getting your appeal decision handled this week.”
Eagle was the club lawyer and smart as a fucking tack. If anyone could it would be him. You would think after all this time hope would have been died a bloody, fucking violent death. Apparently it hasn’t because I can feel the quickening of my heart beat. I want to tell him not to worry about it. I can’t make the lie come. I want out of here. Fuck, if I don’t get out of here soon, I may do like that poor schmuck in cellblock C last night and twist my neck to escape. I don’t know what is waiting for me in the next world, but the way I figure it, even hell can’t get worse than this place.
“Visit is over girls, time to leave. Jacob here has a date with the little girl’s room. I got a sparkling new tooth brush for him.”
Fucking prick, I get out of here he’s the first one I’m killing. The very fucking first and I’m going to make it hurt. They think I was a killer before I came in here? They have no idea what the fuck they have turned me into.
“Later boys,” I say as Dixon pulls me up and pushes me back towards my hell.
“Head up brother, it’s coming, you got my word.”
I turn to look at Dragon, could he see the bleakness in my eyes? Could he read the crap that had happened to me since I’ve been behind bars?
I just nod and turn away. As I walk back into hell, I do my best to beat down the hope that tries its’ damnedest to take root in my chest.
Chapter 22
Dragon
“Fuck man there’s more going on than even our informant is telling us.” Crush says as we walk out the door. I try not to wince at the clanging of the doors, but I do just the same.
“I know.” We walk towards the visitor’s area where the lockers we were given to hold our personal items are located.