“Mommy! I got to ride in a monster truck!”
My eyes widen and I look at Liam in shock. I had called Dani earlier when it became apparent that my kidnapper wasn’t going to give up, and asked her if she could get Molly from school. I know Dani doesn’t own a monster truck. The thought of my daughter in a monster truck scares the crap out of me.
“Breathe,” Liam says softly.
“Right.” I take a deep breath and nod my head, looking deep into his eyes.
Molly rounds the corner that separates the front hall and the living room, her infectious smile causing me to give her one of my own. When Nate comes into the room, my smile slips slightly.
“You aren’t Dani,” I tell him.
“Nope. I’m prettier. Right, Mols?”
She giggles and gives him a hug. “Yup! Hi, Lee! Mommy, look, Lee’s here!” She turns from where Nate is standing and bounces toward Liam. I hold my breath and wait to see what she’ll do next. It seems, if her leaping into his lap is any indication, that my girl is getting attached to all of these men in her life.
I ignore the slight pain in my chest when Jack’s face crosses my mind and will myself to not think about the things that he’s missing in her life.
“Hey, little lady.”
I look away when I see the look of reverence in her eyes. Yeah, my girl sure is hooked.
“Where is Dani?” I ask Nate, avoiding the look on Liam’s face as he gazes at my precious daughter.
“She’s in time out,” Nate tells me, ignoring my shocked face and dropping down to hold his arms out. “What? I’m prettier than that troll, Mols! Has my beauty let you down?” He throws his hand over his forehead and drops to the ground in a dramatic faint.
Molly claps her little hands and giggles at Nate’s antics. I swear, this girl.
I look over when Liam laughs and scoops Molly up in his arms.
“Be gone you ugly ogre! Princess Molly has no time for the likes of you!”
My eyes widen and I watch in fascination as the two huge alpha males play with Molly effortlessly. Of course my daughter is eating up every second of this. I sit there, watching and in the middle of her beautiful laughter I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but it hits me that this is something that I’ve been keeping from her. By closing myself off and making it so nothing and no one can come close enough to form bonds that can break, I’ve also kept Molly locked up.
I’ve kept my innocent daughter from experiencing relationships of others. Sure, I can justify it away that I’m keeping her from the pain if we were to lose someone else, but what is that teaching her?
My God, I’m teaching her fear.
Fear for the unknown and that fear will keep her from having the beautiful life that I so wish she will have.
With wooden legs, I stand. They don’t notice, the three of them having too much fun chasing each other around my living room. Their laughter trails after me as I walk down the hall, into my bedroom, and finally my bathroom. This is the safest room for me to hide away and let the guilt of what my own fear has pressed upon my daughter.
I want to move past this. I know deep down that this is the unhealthiest way of living. I should move on. Jack is gone and there isn’t anything that can bring him back. Logically I know that, but mentally I don’t know if I can handle jumping over that last hurdle.
It really is time to move on.
Right there in my bathroom, I let the last of my grief over losing Jack bleed out. Knowing that I’ve been so wrong to stay locked tight for this long. But, just because I’ve accepted that, doesn’t mean it doesn’t kill me to let those last bits of fear start to leave my body.
I lean against the counter and focus my thoughts. Looking up at where the mirror used to be, I suddenly can’t keep it locked up anymore. But instead of tears, a manic hysterical bubble of laughter comes shooting out.
And then another.
Before I know what happened, seconds pass and I slide to my ass in the middle of my bathroom, hands held over my stomach as the cramps my laughter has caused sink in. Tears blur my vision, and a pain so blinding that makes my breath come in rushed gasps, rips through me.
That’s where Liam finds me, of course, the poster child of sanity rocking back and forth on her bathroom floor. If he had any doubts of my mental status before now, I’m sure they’re all confirmed now.