"And you think she'd talk?" he asked.
"Honestly, no, man. I don’t think she's the kind of girl who talks about anybody," I told him. "But I'm always so careful, and I lost my head and it freaked me out. I was more annoyed with myself than anything and overreacted." Dropping my head in shame, I added, "I'm pretty sure I made her cry."
"So, you screwed yourself?"
"You would think," I mumbled. "But then she walked up to me at school the following morning and apologized to me."
"Why?"
"Fuck if I know, lad."
"Did you set her straight?"
"Couldn’t, she walked off before I had a chance, " I muttered. "And then I did it again on Friday."
"Did what?"
"Put her in my car," I admitted.
"Well, shit."
"And then I went one further."
"How?" Gibsie eyed me warily. "What did you do, Johnny?"
"I dropped her home." Expelling another frustrated breath, I sagged back in my seat and groaned. "But then I snatched her back."
"What the fuck?"
"I know," I barked. "I know."
"How do you snatch a girl, Johnny?"
I shrugged helplessly. "Fuck knows, but I did it."
"Why?"
"Because I couldn’t let her go," I admitted truthfully, keeping out the part about Shannon being sick. "I couldn’t let her leave me, lad."
"Did you ride her?"
"What did I just tell you about my dick?"
"Okay, did you try and ride her?"
"What–no!" I barked. "I took her to Biddies, asshole."
"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" Gibsie shot back. "This is me you're talking to, lad. I'm well fucking aware of what goes on at the place." Snickering, he added, "I'm usually in the middle of it."
"No, I didn’t bleeding ride her. And don’t say ride."
"Why not?"
"Not about her." Leaning back, I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "Just…not about her, okay?"
"Alright, did you make sweet love to her?" he taunted. "In the carpark? Or the toilets? Or that sweet spot in the back of the lounge?"
"You are a gobshite," I growled. "A complete and utter gobshite."
"Oh, my Jesus!" Gibsie cringed and slapped a hand across his mouth. "Oh no," he groaned. "It wouldn’t work, would it?"
"My dick works, Gibs!" I snapped. "I get hard, asshole. It just hurts when I –"
"When you what?" he asked, eyes wide.
"I can't finish," I muttered.
"You can't come?" he choked out. "Like at all?"
"I mean, I suppose I could if I tried." I sighed dejectedly. "But the last time I tried it was so painful that I puked my guts up and almost passed out."
"Jesus. When was the last time you tried?"
"St. Stephen's Night."
"Holy shit," Gibsie gasped. "Johnny, that was months ago. You need to come, lad."
"Don’t you fucking think I know that?" I bit out. "It's not like I'm enjoying this, Gibs."
"That's unnatural."
"Yeah, Gibs, it's my dick. I'm well aware how abnormal it is."
"No wonder you're limping," he muttered. "Your balls are so full of spunk they're weighing you down."
"Not fucking funny, Gibs."
"Oh, Jesus. What if they sewed you back together wrong?" he hissed, eyes bulging. "Fuck, lad, what if they snipped a sperm chord when they were messing around near your ball sac?"
"A sperm chord?" I gaped at him. "The fuck kind of drugs are you taking?"
"I read up on that procedure, you know," he stated, looking horrified. "So many things can go wrong–"
"No." I shook my head, burying my terror. "They can't."
"Yeah, lad," he choked out. "They really fucking can. They cut you so close to your –"
"Can you stop!" I barked, shuddering now. "Jesus Christ, I can't hear this."
"I'm sorry." Smothering a grimace, he waved a hand at me and said, "Finish telling me about what happened with Shannon."
"I didn’t touch her." Shifting uncomfortably, I muttered, "But I wanted to." I dropped my head in my hands and groaned. "After Biddies, I knew I needed to drop her home, but I couldn’t, Gibs. I fucking couldn’t. So I took her to the bleeding cinema instead. I just…needed more time with her, you know? Like, it wasn’t enough. I needed more…"
"More?" He cocked a brow. "More of what, Johnny?"
"More of her," I replied glumly. "It's all more when it comes to her." I shook my head and sighed heavily. "Jesus, I want her so fucking bad I can't think straight, Gibs."
"Balls," Gibsie mused.
"And I beat the living shit out of some prick from her old school at the bar," I admitted.
"You fucking idiot," Gibsie snapped. "Did anyone see?"
"Liam," I muttered, tugging on my hair. "I lost it, lad. They said something about her, and I lost complete and utter control of my senses."
"You're lucky it didn’t get back to Dennehy," he pointed out.
"Yeah, Gibs," I grumbled. "I'm well aware of how close I came to screwing myself."
Don’t need anyone else to tell me…
"And yesterday?" he asked. "At your house? What was that about?"
I shook my head and sank back in my chair. "Her Ma had a miscarriage."
"Shit."
"Yeah."
"Is she okay?"
"I don’t know." I shrugged helplessly. "He took her away from me."
"Who took her?"
"Joey, the hurler."
"Well, he is her brother, lad," Gibsie offered. "He was obviously going to come back for her."
"I don’t give a shite," I snapped, thinking about her bruised face. "I didn’t want her to leave, Gibs, and he just took her away from me. And I let him!"
"You do know that you're not allowed to keep humans as pets, don’t you?" he asked in a wry tone. "You know that's just dogs and cats, right?"
"Fuck. Right. Off," I growled.
"Relax," he muttered. "I was messing with you."
"Well it's not fucking funny, Gibs," I shot back. "None of this is fun. It took everything in me to let her go with her brother last night. Fucking everything."
"Well, lad," Gibsie finally said, blowing out a breath. "On a bright note, at least you can finally admit that you like her."
"But I don’t want to bleeding like her," I bit out. "That's the whole point. I don’t have time for liking her. I can't have her taking up my headspace, Gibs. You know what's at stake for me. I need to stay on track, and that girl makes my mind stray so far off the beaten track it's ridiculous."
I'm already in trouble.
"Well, obviously, you don’t have any control of that," Gibsie responded in an oddly serious tone. "Can't help who you like, Johnny. That's life."
"Not my life," I argued weakly. "That's not how I work."
"That's how we all work," he corrected.
"Thing is, Shannon's not just some random girl, Gibs," I strangled out. "She's different. She's not a hook-up, or a fuck and chuck, or a clinger looking for a leg up. I can't fuck her out of my system. She doesn’t even know who I am, lad. She had no fucking clue. And it was genuine. She wasn’t putting it on. I've met enough of those clingers to last me a lifetime and I could tell she was clueless." I shook my head and sagged against the leather. "And aside from all that, she's fragile."
"Fragile?"
"Fragile," I confirmed, unwilling to give any more information.
"Is it because of whatever you read in that file?"
I glared at him, tensing.
"Relax," he coaxed, holding his hands up. "I never read it. I just handed it back to Dee."
I exhaled heavily and nodded. "Just believe me when I tell you that girl is a line I cannot cross."
"Then don’t," Gibsie replied after a long pause. "If she's messing you up this bad when you hardly know her, then you're better off walking away now, lad."
"That's the thing, lad…I don’t know if I can," I admitted hoarsely. "You know what I'm like when I get something into my head. I lose the run of myself and go all in."
"I sure do," Gibsie chuckled. "You bulldoze. Everything and everyone that gets in your way."
"Well, stop me!"
"Stop yourself," Gibsie snorted. "Flex that famous self-control." Grinning he added, "You've had plenty of it lately."